A horrible inheritance one

[Glasto73lover]

My dad died 18 months ago and everything was left to my
stepmother but I did inherit a cash sum. That’s not the issue here.

Stepmother is now selling off some of my Dads possessions including some furniture that belonged to my grandparents and has said if I want it, I have to buy it off her.

Aibu for being really upset at having to buy my own Dad & grandparents possessions? I can barely believe it to be honest. I only want one sentimental piece that I don’t want going to a stranger but the whole thing has really upset me as I know my Dad would have been upset too and horrified,

I don't think the value is the really the issue here, is it?
But sorry, OP, it's horrid, but that's life.
And we know from posts here that the step-child is not part of the 'real family', so in your SMs eyes, she has no loyalty to you

It’s not very nice on her part but if your dad set the will up like that then he wouldn’t have expected you to get the furniture.

I’d imagine most people would give you the piece of furniture - if they could afford to - in that situation. But I don’t think you can say it was your Dads intention that you have it as he would have left it.

Your darling step mother is punishing you for having inherited cash from your DF.

That's her motivation.

@MorningPink yea, that’s probably true. She really didn’t want to hand it over!

I had an issue with SIL clearing out FIL house of everything while myself and ex were on holiday. Refused to give it back. I said I would put on Facebook what she had done and how upsetting it was (ex only wanted a few ornaments) and the threat of people seeing what she was like worked. May not work for you but what have you got to lose?

I was in a similar situation, my dad left me in a mess with his wife (not my mother). We need to stop excusing the men and criticising the women. My dad knew at some Point he was going to die and didn’t provide for that. Your dad knew that at some point he was going to die and decided to divide up his belonging as he did. If he really wanted you to have them he could have asked you whether that was the case when alive.

I'm really sorry to hear that you are going through this.

On the plus side, if the value is sentimental then the items will probably not fetch much at all at auction, and you can give her the £20 and never speak to her again with a clear conscience. It might be £20 well spent if it gets her out of your life.

This.
She has shown you who she is, so just complete the financial transaction to safeguard the items of sentimental value and then cut her out of your life and your thoughts completely for your own peace of mind.
Good luck xx

I'd be massively disappointed in both of them. Not a nice legacy he's left.
I wouldn't see her again.

It depends. How is your stepmother coping for money? Is she old and has no pension? Was she reliant on your dad for her home? Is the one item very high value?

Have you explained to her how hurt you feel? She might change her mind over that one specific piece

If not pay for the one item you want and don't think about it again, it will only bring you down.

What a wicked person she is. It sounds like the items are of absolutely no value, so it’s not even about money. She’s just being horrible. I’d offer her a small cash sum to show how utterly ridiculous she’s being. Then tell her exactly what I thought of her.

That's horrible of her.

I wonder if your dad was assuming that it would run the way it normally does in families- i.e. one parent dies and leaves everything to the surviving parent, then when second parent dies, everything goes to the children.

But your step mother obviously isn't intending to leave anything to you.

If you think it was your dad's intention that she would leave things to you, I think you should write to her. Writing a letter and posting it might seem old fashioned but putting something in writing has the effect of making people think. And it will be cathartic for you. Don't be rude, be heartfelt,

You have no legal ground to stand on, but you could appeal to her sense of fairness and point out the furniture has been passed down from previous generations and you understood your father wished the same to happen for the next/ your generation.

Second hand furniture has little value and is actually quite hard to sell. Selling directly to you makes it very easy for her. Send a nice letter and then let her deal with trying to offload the furniture as you way of achieving some satisfaction. Then buy it from whoever she sells it to!

Agree with thid.

I read your post and in your shoes I'd feel anger at my father as well.
I see these situations SO often.. inadequate wills left by men who cant be arsed. My father did the same but it wasnt a legal will so overtuelrned and estate was split between his children (not uk)

Honestly stepmums behaviour is unusual and VERY few people would exhibit to this kind of behaviour. Ie. This behaviour could likely be expected by your dad
Also....HE WAS MARRIED TO HER so surely knew what she was like.

Why didnt he make adequate provision?

Practically
In your shoes I'd ask for "prices" for 5 or 6 things so she doesnt know what you really want and haggle her down on all 6.
Buy the one thing you really want once you have "final" prices.

Put the memory in a box, push it to the back and get on with your life.

If she is executor of the estate and not the sole beneficiary - which appears may be the case as you, for example, are also a beneficiary - she is legally obliged to do this to realise the estate (other than items of no worth or trivial value).

I am sorry for your loss

@MyrtlethePurpleTurtle that's utter nonsense. Executors are not legally obliged to actually sell anything. Just get things valued.

Wow. That is incredibly mean. I can't understand the mindset of someone who would even think of doing something like that.

So sorry. But at least now you don't have to have anything to do with her.

No - executors are obliged to realise the estate and distribute the estate. Their role is not one of a mere valuation channel!

Whether the deceased's principal beneficiary should morally gift items or money from the estate is a different matter

The mindset is petty, greedy, jealous and socially a bit thick.

Yes she’s being U, but your dad was more U to leave it to her in the first place- legally she’s doing nothing wrong.

Personally I would use some of the cash he left you to buy the best piece/ piece you want most and try to move on. Chances are it won’t be worth much. Or give her a chance to sell it and if it doesn’t sell offer to do her a favour by taking it away- she’d have to pay the council to do that. Then block her.

But it was her dad's choice as he didn't specify in the will.

Think she is in for a surprise at the actual price a valuer will pay for the furniture - my parents collected furniture and paid good prices from antique dealers . However houses and fashions change and what was listed as the value of the item in their insurance and the price we got was far less . Hoping the items you want are “ cheap” for your sake . This is so horrible for you to go though

Exactly. We just wrote our wills, no dc, so we’ve said that all items in the house are to be disposed of by two of our beneficiaries because they’re (currently) in the same country. If I hadn’t specified, god knows what would happen to everything. Be very specific when writing wills.

Im really sorry for your loss, @Glasto73lover this just pokes the wound, frankly. Your stepmother is a bitch.

I had a similar experience but tbh once they had it valued and realised stuff wasn’t going to go for much I was able to negotiate with them and take three things that I wanted. Unfortunately or fortunately second hand furniture and belongings often don’t reflect their sentimental value in market price, especially homemade pieces. I know it’s sucks but maybe she will have a change of heart. Still hurts though.

People who are saying it's your dad's choice are missing thevpoint....the dad was a massive twat to do that to his own kids and she is an even bigger twat for selling family furniture!

Do we really have to resort to such misogyny.