A horrible inheritance one

[Glasto73lover]

My dad died 18 months ago and everything was left to my
stepmother but I did inherit a cash sum. That’s not the issue here.

Stepmother is now selling off some of my Dads possessions including some furniture that belonged to my grandparents and has said if I want it, I have to buy it off her.

Aibu for being really upset at having to buy my own Dad & grandparents possessions? I can barely believe it to be honest. I only want one sentimental piece that I don’t want going to a stranger but the whole thing has really upset me as I know my Dad would have been upset too and horrified,

Your dad did make a proper will but it probably never occurred to him that she would do this.

I'm in the same position. I have a stepson and my DH has left a cash sum to his son and everything else to me. It wouldn't occur to me in a million years to keep all of his personal possessions, I would pass them on, and if there's something sentimental from the family that they want they'd be welcome to it. Offering to sell it to you is disgraceful.

If the item only has sentimental value, then OP's step mother might well let her have the item once she's discovered this.

I am mindful of only one side of the argument here. We actually have no idea about OP's dad's wishes or what sort of terms they were on.

My response may be slightly jaded by the fact that we're currently clearing my MIL's house and the only "sentimental" item that BIL wants is coincidentally the only item actually worth anything. (And on the flip side some items that have actually been willed are not wanted by the proposed recipient!)

yep.

Are you saying he died intestate (without a Will)? Or have you seen a Will. Its a public document. There may be a life interest in the Will which means that there is a trust which owns your Dad's estate rather than your step mother outright. That's the usual way a Will protects children if a parent remarries, if your dad did get any proper legal advice.

Having said that, furniture is not always included.

Can I just say OP that at the end of the day it is just "stuff" , inanimate objects. You have your memories of your Dad, yes it's sad if you can't have all those lovely items back to remember him by, and your stepmother is being unfair and grasping, but as PP's said secondhand furniture does not sell well.
The faff of selling stuff, possible auction fees, might end up not being worth it to her.
For the sake of fairness ask her to get it valued!! She might be surprised.
When all is said and done though it is just things/stuff, you still have your memories OP.

We had to sell lots of mils antique furniture when she downsized and it made nothing at auction. It was shocking how low it went for, obviously it depends on the item but if you can hold your nerve, it might be worth buying it from whoever your step mother sells it through.

Also, I sympathise with the ugliness of the situation. It's devastating how calculating and unkind people can be. My grandfather's wife was vile before and after he died. I am thankful everyday that I no longer have her in our lives.

I disagree. It is important or can be too many. I was really upset I didn’t get to have the sentimental things that meant so much to me growing up, they were not valuable but were things I had an attachment to and reminded me of that person. It is a tangible link to the deceased and , aside from that, some things should stay in families and have the option to be passed down. I totally get why the OP is upset.

Pay then ditch her
in her defence ( if there possibly could be one) the stuff with hold no emotional value to her so I can see why she’s selling but charging family is shit

some people don’t think my mum literally threw all my dads stuff away never asked any of us if we wanted anything
I wasn’t bothered my sister was distraught but luckily we got his glasses and watch back from undertaker weeks later as they remove them before they cremate them

Unless your father was an antiques collector, she'll probably find old items of brown furniture are practically worthless. She may end up having to pay to have them taken away. Ask to be there when the 'expert' is valuing them so that you can have first dibs, then buy whatever it is you want, mentally leave a curse hanging over her and walk away for ever. As others have pointed out, your father could have changed his will and done things differently but chose not to.

Do you know her friends and family? If so I wouldn’t hesitate to broadcast far and wide how upset you are that she’s making you buy sentimental family items after your dad’s death because she’s so cash grabbing. She probably has no shame but it’s worth a try.

I’d offer to make a charity donation in his name. Let her say no to that.

That is awful, your Dad wouldn’t be happy with a decision like that, I am sure he assumed these sentimental items of furniture would be passed on with in the family. I am so sorry, this must have upset you so much OP. Unfortunately, money can get the better of people, similar situation when DH lovely mum died, all DH sisters in it for themselves and the reason I won’t have anything to do with them, her will was not followed correctly, it’s disgusts me.

It's vile behaviour

Shes awful, but this is is your Dads decision to have let her do what she wishes.

Shocked that there are posters calling the OP's father names for neglecting to allocate every single item that may or may not have either emotional or monetary value. If he even thought about maybe he didn't want his daughter coming in and taking the dining room table from under his widow's lonely plate of beans on toast? Perhaps he hoped that they would sort it out like adults it isn't his fault he was wrong.

This is 100% on the step mother. Hope she see's sense

Quite.

Someone I knew who worked with one of the partners of a local solicitors told me many years ago, anything involving a will and beneficiaries became like a battleground as families fell out and argued over who was left what.

Some of the nicest people they dealt with became money grabbing, vicious horrors and family fall outs were often the end result.

If you're going to make a will, make sure it's very detailed and watertight over how you want possessions and money distributed.

He made a will. In that will he decided to leave OP a cash sum. Surely he would also have left her the furniture too if he wanted a specific person to have it. That's how wills work.

Exactly this. Also remind her she's inherited a fair bit by the sound of it and to give you one or two pieces or items is more then fair.

Is the furniture valuable ?
My father in law died last summer he had been estranged from my dh,for many years ,but my dh was his next of kin so we had to sort through his belongings ,he had quite a lot of art work that he thought was valuable when we had then valued it turned out they were not worth much at all ,my point is she might think she can make some money off them but might be surprised to find they are worthless other than sentimental value?

He may not have wanted the stepmother to have the disruption of having to deal with sorting out furniture while she was still using it in her lifetime, so just left it to her outright. He may have asked her to pass on family furniture to his kids or left a letter to that effect but neither of those are legally binding so she has the right to be able to sell it as she wants as she is the legal owner.

What is morally right is another matter......

What she is doing is totally horrible but she doesn't have the connection with these items that you and your cousins clearly do.

Ask for the valuation document and then say you'll have to see if you can afford these pieces.

I wouldn't be at all surprised if she tries to flog these things somewhere and they just don't attract the attention she is looking for, so I would also do a regular drive by of her house to see if she decides to dump these things in a skip. Once it's in the skip, ANYONE can take them out.

I totally get why you're upset, OP, and I agree with the others I think it's likely your father didn't feel he'd have to spell it out to his wife that if one of his kids wanted something sentimental, she should agree to that and not charge them for it!

Initially I was curious if the furniture we are talking about is stuff that is currently in use by her. Because also - I can imagine he wouldn't have felt he had to spell it out to his kids that stripping his wife's home of furnishings when she's in grief is also not ideal. But it sounds like she's having a free-for-all and just selling.

I'd be so sad.

Write an Op-Ed piece omitting names but detailing the situation and the awfulness of having to buy back family pieces from a step mother.

Submit it to the local newspaper. Make sure it's really really good and make sure it's clear that your SM doesn't need the money.

Write it like a 'cautionary tale'

I hope, if you do end up paying her for some items, that you will enjoy the past memories and forget the estate related ones. and can let it go. Mine still hurts and it's been almost 20 years.

Personally, I would just pay up as the lesser of the two evils, rather than lose the precious items. However, that does very much spoil the sentiment and the memories.

It's a special comfort to use and enjoy items that used to be used and enjoyed by your loved ones. It's not a case of 'getting freebies', but the knowledge that something your parent loved has now been taken over, and is now still loved, by you. Having to buy that item, rather than being able to continue the family ownership seamlessly does rather wreck that comfort.

Something that your beloved Dad enjoyed in his life, and he would be happy to know that you now enjoyed it, wasn't just passed straight down to you, because he would have specifically wanted you (or another loved one) to have it and that's what families do. The fact that any stranger could have had it instead, had they been in the right place at the right time or outbid you on eBay, severs that bond, I believe.

I've got a lot of my DP's stuff that I treasure - most of it would be worthless on the open market, and not very expensive to replace with brand new stuff. I don't care; its great value to me is because it was theirs and reminds me of them - not because of any inherent monetary value.