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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

A horrible inheritance one

136 replies

Glasto73lover · 26/03/2024 22:22

My dad died 18 months ago and everything was left to my
stepmother but I did inherit a cash sum. That’s not the issue here.

Stepmother is now selling off some of my Dads possessions including some furniture that belonged to my grandparents and has said if I want it, I have to buy it off her.

Aibu for being really upset at having to buy my own Dad & grandparents possessions? I can barely believe it to be honest. I only want one sentimental piece that I don’t want going to a stranger but the whole thing has really upset me as I know my Dad would have been upset too and horrified,

OP posts:
StrandedStarfish · 27/03/2024 01:03

@Bigcat25 Dad hadn’t reported the theft to the police as he hadn’t wanted to get his brother into trouble.

Annielou67 · 27/03/2024 01:32

I think you just have to play this through. Ask her what she wants for the furniture you want. Try and make a deal with her. Pay. Wipe your hands of her.

FiveShelties · 27/03/2024 01:35

Pay what she wants and forget it. Be glad you don't have to have any more to do with her.

saltinesandcoffeecups · 27/03/2024 01:50

Kitkat1523 · 27/03/2024 00:50

if it was me I would let it go….it’s just furniture …..not worth the grief

At the end of the day this is about it. I have a few things of my mum’s but yeah I made peace with it.

My sister can rot in hell… but she was going there for other reasons. At least she didn’t disappoint my my expectations in the end.

Ok.. there is still some bitterness. But like I say the estate hasn’t settled yet so I’m bracing for the final blow.

echt · 27/03/2024 02:22

I echo what others have said. It's a sorry state of affairs, but pay up and be glad you never have to clap eyes on the woman again. Though save that observation for after you collect the furniture.

user1492757084 · 27/03/2024 02:41

Have you seen the Will?
If you know it to be true, that she now owns and is entitled to sell off family keepsakes, thank her for offering them to you.

That is all you can do. Really look at purchasing anything of sentimental value. Enjoy the pieces... hopefully they are at op. shop prices.

SignoraVolpe · 27/03/2024 02:53

I don’t understand this grabbiness.
My elderly df asked me a couple of years ago who he should give a particular peace of memorabilia to. It’s rare so worth a few thousand.
I immediately suggested my db because he has similar interests to df and it would mean a lot to him.
I can’t imagine living in a family that fight over possessions.

StarryBook · 27/03/2024 03:12

I’m sorry to hear this it sounds awful. It sounds similar to how DH was treated by his stepmum. She showed her true colours after DH’s dad passed and kept all the family keepsakes for herself.

Justsaynonow · 27/03/2024 03:13

On the slightly positive side, at least you may be able to have the items. My father married a woman a year younger than me - he had a houseful of family heirlooms and she kept most of them when he died three years after they married. He left her everything. Apparently he was going to change his will to leave something to me and my brother but she made sure to keep us away (and I'm sure any lawyer) in the 2 months between my uncle talking to him and his death. I found out he was dying the night he died because the neighbour and homecare nurse made her call me.

In the end, it's only stuff. Though some money would have made a world of difference for us as I'm disabled with a life threatening condition. He wasn't a great father over the years but he had leaned on me heavily for help prior to marrying her. It hurt an incredible amount that he chose to help her vs me and my family. She had no children and qualifications for a good career, and got citizenship & a multimillion dollar estate for 3 years of 'relationship'. Good deal for her.

I hope, if you do end up paying her for some items, that you will enjoy the past memories and forget the estate related ones. and can let it go. Mine still hurts and it's been almost 20 years.

Itwasafterallallaboutme · 27/03/2024 04:26

Craftyy · 26/03/2024 22:34

Your dad had the option to will it to you and he didn't. Yes it sucks, she's awful for making you pay for it but i wouldn't assume he would be horrified or he would have made sure you received it.

I can't agree with this Craftyy, as @Glasto73lover will know what her dear father was like, and we obviously don't.

Can all of us thinking about writing a Will, please ask the people we care about, whether they have any momentos, or even a piece of furniture etc, that they would like to inherit, so that we can put it into our Wills?

Please don't feel awkward asing them this, or feel it is too morbid, as we are all going to die, and hopefully our life/time line will work out as it should, but we very rarely know an exact date for our demise. If you don't feel awkward, then hopefully the person you are asking won't feel bad about telling you.

Dentistlakes · 27/03/2024 04:40

YANBU, that’s a really awful thing for her to do. She should be offering you the opportunity to take your pick from what she’s selling, not charge you for it. Hideous behaviour from her.

LoudSnoringDog · 27/03/2024 05:12

My mums husband did something similar. Not exactly told me to buy items but made it hard for me to get to stuff that belonged to my mum. For the sake of my own sanity I had to just suck it up. I don’t speak to him anymore and will never debase myself again begging for items that came originally from my childhood home.
he’s a miserable lonely old bastard and will die lonely.

EmmaGrundyForPM · 27/03/2024 05:15

That's dreadful. Are you able to tell her how you feel?

If necessary, buy the item and then never speak to her again.

connie26 · 27/03/2024 05:19

GrazingSheep · 26/03/2024 22:43

Have a conversation with her and ask her directly "do you really think my dad would want me to have to pay for my grandparents' table?"

If he wanted her to have items then he should have said that in hls will.

Yes, but it probably didn't occur to him that his 'dw' would do such a thing.

Original poster
Glasto73lover · 27/03/2024 05:22

Thanks for all your comments. The furniture in question was made for my grandparents. It’s probably not valuable or unusual but it meant a lot to my dad. I think he didn’t expect her to just flog it. There’s a couple of other bits that my cousins might want too for the same reasons. It’s sentimental more than anything.

I do have one childhood wooden toy that was also made for my father that he gave to my kids - I need to have a think over weekend whether that’s enough for me. I am just quite shocked at the moment that she’d try to sell it me - I feel like it taints my father’s memory to be honest so feel a responsibility to it.

i hope she rots in hell to be honest.

OP posts:
Natsku · 27/03/2024 05:27

I'm so sorry OP, that's really awful of her. I'm sure your dad expected that his wife cared about you and would let you take sentimental items, no one wants to think that their spouse could be so cruel to their child. This is why it should be the law in the UK (I think it already is in Scotland, and is in many other countries), that children are legally entitled to a certain share of their parents' estate, no matter what the will says, so second spouses can't steal from the children.

Propertylover · 27/03/2024 05:37

@Glasto73lover YANBU however the reality is most furniture is worth very little.

In your shoes I would say to your Step mum go ahead get it all valued. Once you have the valuations please may I have a copy of the valuation to decide if I can afford it. Be clear you want the valuation not a figure she gives you.

If, as I suspect, it comes back with a low valuation say yes I will buy it. Once the item is in your possession you will treasure it.

At that point a bitchy comment about having to buy it from Step Mum whenever she is around will make the point e.g. step mum is so mean she made me pay £20 for my grand parents table.

HomeTheatreSystem · 27/03/2024 05:40

She is being despicable, yes but also people don't behave the way you think they would when it comes to inheritances.

Ask her what she wants for it and if it's a price you're prepared to pay, buy it. She's unlikely to get much for it elsewhere which she will know. Rather sounds as if she would rather let it go for peanuts than let you have it without extracting £££ from you. The story of you having to save it from her clutches can become part of your family history. I think you'll be glad you have it back whilst what you give her will be gone in a few Tesco shops.

So sorry for your loss Flowers

Alchemistress · 27/03/2024 05:51

She's behaving repellently over this, however would your father have known specifically that you would have wanted this item? Wills can be tricky with the parcelling up of items, often people just hope that their nearest and dearest will 'do the right thing' with regard to sentimental items.

Ultimately I would pay up -I agree with asking to see a valuation- and then never speak to her again.

Original poster
Glasto73lover · 27/03/2024 05:56

@Alchemistress i know my father would have wanted the bits in question to stay in the family- I don’t think he would have expected her to flog it. I honestly don’t know why he didn’t make a proper Will to be honest - it’s baffling. I guess people don’t account for how mad people go when there’s money involved.

OP posts:
SilverBranchGoldenPears · 27/03/2024 06:01

He left you money. Maybe he didn’t think you’d want old furniture?

YANBU for feeling the way you do, but your dad made it this way. It should’ve been a conversation to have before.

daisychain01 · 27/03/2024 06:03

As your father left you money rather than 'things' why not buy something of your own with some of that cash and then you've got something you've chosen that you can leave to your family when it's your turn. Walk away from someone who makes you angry and unhappy, no material items are ever worth your peace of mind,

Chocolatecornflakes · 27/03/2024 06:05

To see the other side here rather than just a horrible step parent, when my nan died my mum and aunt inherited everything.
There were items of furniture that I would have quite liked but everything was being sold off. I would not have been just given whatever I wanted because it all had a value and that would mean I'd had more than my cousins etc. Also my great aunt (nans sister) wanted things that she was told she'd have to pay for. It was in the estate and that was my mum and aunts money basically. So if we're talking items of significant value then I guess that's why she said you can buy them. It's her money/items now and was left to her.

Everywheretwice · 27/03/2024 06:06

That's fucking awful.

Sod the replies saying 'well it's her stuff now' - I'm sure your dad never dreamed she'd be so selfish and grabby, at least you know her true colours now.

I'm sorry for your loss, at least she can't take your happy memories of him.

Hope she becomes as lonely as she deserves, I'm sure she can't have many friends or family herself with a personality of a witch.

Chocolatecornflakes · 27/03/2024 06:07

If your dad wanted the stuff to stay in the family so badly he'd have stipulated as such. He's gone now so can't take responsibility but he did this.

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