A horrible inheritance one

[Glasto73lover]

My dad died 18 months ago and everything was left to my
stepmother but I did inherit a cash sum. That’s not the issue here.

Stepmother is now selling off some of my Dads possessions including some furniture that belonged to my grandparents and has said if I want it, I have to buy it off her.

Aibu for being really upset at having to buy my own Dad & grandparents possessions? I can barely believe it to be honest. I only want one sentimental piece that I don’t want going to a stranger but the whole thing has really upset me as I know my Dad would have been upset too and horrified,

I agree with this. I'd try to shame her a bit 'Do you really want to make money from my Dad's/my grandparents possessions?'

I hope she can do the right thing here. Really she should have said to you when he died that you could take something meaningful from the home. I despair sometimes at some people. I'm very sorry that you have lost your dad also.

Yes, you are. You’re her step kid. And now you’re being cut out of any bing belonging to your dad because he left it to her. Which is exactly what I said?

That’s really sad, and pretty shitty of her. I think your dad probably just didn’t think enough, rather than deliberately making a choice to leave it to her. I’d buy it back, then tell her what an utter selfish bitch she is!

My husband’s first wife did similar when they divorced. Tried to take all my husband’s late father’s furniture when she ran off with her new bloke. She locked all the furniture in a lock up at the family’s firm. Luckily her uncle was disgusted and gave the inherited bits back to my husband. Many years later, when she was getting divorced from her second husband and having to downsize she asked us if we wanted to buy some of the furniture- which had all been wedding presents to her and my husband in the first place! Funnily enough we said no.

I have a very low bar for inheritance (my father left his 2nd wife everything and my sister has apparently decided that I don’t want any family pictures after my mum died and I’m currently waiting to see how much she siphons off of my mum’s estate). So I have a very pragmatic view of inheritance.

If it’s important to you just buy it… tuck the anger away or yell at the wind that it’s unfair, but don’t not get what is important to to you just because it’s unfair.

I’m so angry at your dad and your step mother on your behalf.

Did he expect her to do the right thing?

im always shocked at how people behave about inheritance- it would actually be more understandable if it was a huge amount of money, but it sounds like something sentimental.

what an arsehole she is

I would just leave it. You don’t need possessions to remind you of your Grandparents or your Dad. You have your memories. And anything you buy will be tainted by that horrible thought.

You may well find that once she realises it’s not worth very much she’ll come back to you.

Or maybe even realise what she’s done and relent.

But the more you show you want it the more she will try to grab. I’m so sorry.

10 years after my Dad died my step mum ‘found some stuff’ that was actually my mum’s and gave it back to me because ‘she had no use for it’.

I just can’t fathom how she’d been sitting there with things on display from a dead woman that she’d never even met who was married to a dead man and it took her 10 years to see it was a bit odd.

Don’t join that circus

Ouch. This has happened to me.
DF died young, unexpectedly and without a will. His DGF at the time kept the home they shared (housing association) and everything in it, as, at the time, she couldn't bear to start dividing up my dad's things between his 4 children. Fair enough. DB and I specifically asked that once she was ready to discuss DF's things, to let us know but that we respected her grief and wouldn't hurry her.
Gut-wrenching to see her DC's pics of their homes on FB, featuring my DF's beautiful old furniture, ornaments and paintings (including a portrait in oil of me as a child painted by my dad!) in the background; DF's DGF has just given away our dad's and grandparents' heirlooms to her own DC, who were never even close to my DF.

She’s a cunt. I’d pay her, take the stuff, tell her she’s a cunt, and never speak to her again.

No of course we all understand she doesn’t have to, but she absolutely should, from a moral perspective.

Playing devil's advocate slightly, what is the furniture in question?

If it's a pretty normal table worth a pretty normal value that means far more in sentiment, then she's a dickhead for selling it to you.

If it's a 17th century fine piece of furniture, worth thousands, then it's a valuable asset she's been left and probably is within reason to charge something.

That’s really sad, and pretty shitty of her. I think your dad probably just didn’t think enough, rather than deliberately making a choice to leave it to her. I’d buy it back, then tell her what an utter selfish bitch she is!

I think this too. It's unfair people on here saying "Well, that's obviously what your Dad wanted" as it wouldn't be uncommon to leave everything to your spouse by default and then expect they would let the children have any special items they wanted - especially in the case of a step parent.

Once the legal executing of the will - property, money, valuable assets etc. - has been completed, I see this as like an informal secondary wave - with the surviving spouse being the executor in charge of distributing the chattels and sentimental items that are not being kept in the marital home until their death.

We also only have one side of this story, so it’s not really possible to judge morals. I could tell you a recent inheritance story which on the face of it could sound “immoral”, but if you found out the finer detail it starts to make more sense (again, all operated in line with the will).

So many on here OP take a genuinely sadistic delight in mocking those who grieve their parents and who feel let down by their poorly thought out final wishes.

For your own sake, take no further heed of this thread. Your father's wife is acting awfully but I don't see how you can stop her from doing so.

You're not being unreasonable. Unfortunately, this situation is not unusual.

When my late husband's grandparents died, his uncle (by virtue of being the first-born son - but not the first-born child) took charge of everything. It was decreed that all the grandchildren should choose something of the furniture.

My husband had to buy back furniture after it was sold to someone else. By virtue of being 'a bastard' - that is, he'd been adopted - he was dismissed. (His adoptive mum was the actual first-born child.) The only 'real' grandchildren were the uncle's three.

@Glasto73lover As PP have said , a lot of antique furniture is worth a pittance these days - It's really come down in price, depending on what it is of course.

''Brown'' furniture, Georgian, Victorian Edwardian is a fraction of what it once was.

Irish Georgian antique furniture can be valuable though.

Yes. My husband had adult children. His will was made before his grandchild was born, but he told me what to give her and I've done that.

He didn't leave instructions about all his personal items. He told me that he wanted his son to get his watch, so I've passed that on.

I also passed on the family medals, copies of photographs and a couple of specific jewellery items to the son. I checked whether the daughter wanted her dad's musical instrument and I've given her that, though I would have preferred to keep it with me. She's also got a jewellery item. I've passed most of the rest of the jewellery to the grandchild.

I have kept some things, but they'll be passed on when I leave this mortal coil.

I’d message her, please would you give me X thing of dad’s without me having to pay for it, because it’s definitely what he would have wanted. See how she replies. What a wicked cow she sounds.

I think my step mother will do similar. She’s 25 years younger than my dad and extremely vindictive and greedy. I’m NC with her and my dad anyway - I don’t want to be around mean and nasty people. But my sibling will likely want a couple of my dad’s things - particularly the things that my dad pinched from my mum’s father :(

That is horrible, especially as she seems keen to make profit on what were personal possessions. I suspect she will take delight in you asking to just give her something without paying, so just pay her the money and wash her out of your life. Fingers crossed life will find a way to punish her.

OP, you write that you received a cash inheritance. It depends on which country you are resident of, but as a child you will possibly have rights anyway to a share of your father's estate. I am just checking, but please read up on what are the rights of a child in the country in which you live (succession).

Best of luck. xxx

Maybe not. My husband's kids went NC with me a couple of months after the funeral. I've still passed on their legal entitlement plus some personal items that I came across. (There were some things that belonged to my MIL.)

I hope that your stepmother does the right thing.

Yes indeed. In any case, I can tell you a story. I was left items in a codicil in a relative's will - and I was simply not informed and the items were destroyed. So nothing is iron-tight.

if it was me I would let it go….it’s just furniture …..not worth the grief

I was involved in something similar. My uncle had removed several pocket watches from our house and then went n/c. He died and instructed all of his possessions be sold and the money given to a charity.

Dad found out that he had died from the local newspaper and I found out the watches were in an auction house so I had to buy them back.

I agree, no inanimate object is worth investing so much emotional energy in.

That's wild @StrandedStarfish I thought businesses in possession of stolen goods would have to return them, but I guess there wasn't proof?