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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

17 year old boys driving a car-full of mates

187 replies

95percentcocoa · 26/03/2024 21:25

It’s dark and pouring with rain and past 9 pm. My 17 year old son is mad that I don’t want him getting picked up and getting driven around all evening by his 17 year old friend who has just passed his test this week in a car full of their mates.

It just seems like a recipe for disaster to me and would prefer he waits for a few weeks / drives him in daylight etc. He says I’m over anxious and paranoid. AIBU?

OP posts:
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9
DdraigGoch · 31/03/2024 00:07

mondaytosunday · 30/03/2024 10:16

Of course normal to be worried but isn't this what kids do? When one drives they end up with carful of friends.

Which leads to a carful of corpses in far too many cases. I can't be the only one to have noticed that if there are any survivors, it's usually the driver. Passengers and other road users take the worst.

DdraigGoch · 31/03/2024 00:17

Needanewname42 · 30/03/2024 22:38

How do you police that with cars with tinted windows?
And how does that work for young parents? That also stops young people driving their siblings around. And car sharing to college, and work.

People can be married at 16 in Scotland, 18 England and Wales. You can drive your Mum but not your wife and kids.

It would make far more sense to raise the driving age to 18. When the lure of the pub is higher and safer than the lure of cruising around in cars!

Or maybe it could be a bit like motorbike licenses your restricted in the engine size you can drive - although insurance companies seem to be policing that.

Edited
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Having the rule will discourage quite a lot so it's worth having.

You could include a family exception (which would include a spouse) if you like, but my view is "tough". Driving is not a human right. There is however a right to life.

New drivers should be on some sort of restricted licence. Until they've got a year's experience and are over 21 they should not be carrying passengers who are themselves under 21. They shouldn't be driving powerful or large vehicles until they've got more experience and have passed an advanced test - exceptions for agricultural tractors of course.

Delatron · 31/03/2024 08:06

I think it’s worth (and I will be doing this when the time comes). Is speaking to all the other parents of friends so they are all on board. I think the best you can do is have a no passenger rule for the first year. Fit the black box. Check their driving. Also keep offering lifts or pay for taxis at night.

Where I grew up we were lucky - small village but amazing transport links. It was far easier to hop on a train for 15 mins. Especially when drinking. Always loads of night buses. I don’t think I ever got in to a car with a teenage boy!

I don’t have that where we live now. DS mates all live miles away. I just gave him a lift to his friend’s the other day - 30 minutes down country lanes and single track roads with bad visibility. It’s such a worry.

Delatron · 31/03/2024 08:08

I do just wish the government would do something though. It’s clearly a bad idea to have groups of 17 year olds all in one car together.

echt · 31/03/2024 08:18

YANBU. In Australia there are limits on P platers being able to drive with more than 1 occupant under 22, unless a sibling or partner. Zero alcohol. There are two grades of P platers, red and green. They can drive any kind of car they like and they do.

And still every year there are teen full car crashes. They just get tanked up, loud music and totally not focussed on the driving.

drspouse · 31/03/2024 08:27

RozTheSchnoz · 26/03/2024 22:03

Signed. This happened to a school friend of mine. Devastating. I think it was ice rather than egging anyone on, but a more mature driver would have been ok.

Remaker · 31/03/2024 08:28

I’m in Australia and here the law says that if you’re under 25 and on the first year of your license you cannot have more than one passenger under the age of 21 between 11pm and 5am. You can apply for an exemption for work or other reasons.

The laws were introduced after a spate of accidents with multiple fatalities. Good kids, nice families just doing stupid things when too young to know better.

If we didn’t have these laws I would be the same as you OP. I’m actually astounded that anyone would think this was ok.

Delatron · 31/03/2024 08:32

The government response to that petition infuriates me. They continue to improve ‘road safety’. The roads can be fine - it’s the carloads of 17 year olds distracting each other that are not. Most other countries can manage this. Why can’t we?

Coachvikki · 01/04/2024 12:49

I was one of the first of my friends to pass my test and the only one to have access to a car in the evening so I was often the sober driver. It was a very challenging experience with LOTS of distractions. People pulling on the handbrake while I was driving leaning over from the back seat, the works. It is a minor miracle I never had an accident.

I think you are 100% correct. What is the worse that can happen if you stick to your guns? Your son is a bit pissed off at you. Since when are teenagers a good judge of risk?

Coachvikki · 01/04/2024 12:51

Remaker · 31/03/2024 08:28

I’m in Australia and here the law says that if you’re under 25 and on the first year of your license you cannot have more than one passenger under the age of 21 between 11pm and 5am. You can apply for an exemption for work or other reasons.

The laws were introduced after a spate of accidents with multiple fatalities. Good kids, nice families just doing stupid things when too young to know better.

If we didn’t have these laws I would be the same as you OP. I’m actually astounded that anyone would think this was ok.

What a great idea.

DuesToTheDirt · 01/04/2024 17:46

@Coachvikki People pulling on the handbrake while I was driving leaning over from the back seat, the works.

WTF? Shock

Waltzers · 03/04/2024 07:19

Remaker · 31/03/2024 08:28

I’m in Australia and here the law says that if you’re under 25 and on the first year of your license you cannot have more than one passenger under the age of 21 between 11pm and 5am. You can apply for an exemption for work or other reasons.

The laws were introduced after a spate of accidents with multiple fatalities. Good kids, nice families just doing stupid things when too young to know better.

If we didn’t have these laws I would be the same as you OP. I’m actually astounded that anyone would think this was ok.

In Victoria they can't carry more than one 'peer passenger' at any time on green P's, I guess it varies between states.

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