17 year old boys driving a car-full of mates

[95percentcocoa]

It’s dark and pouring with rain and past 9 pm. My 17 year old son is mad that I don’t want him getting picked up and getting driven around all evening by his 17 year old friend who has just passed his test this week in a car full of their mates.

It just seems like a recipe for disaster to me and would prefer he waits for a few weeks / drives him in daylight etc. He says I’m over anxious and paranoid. AIBU?

No chance. When DS passed he was pretty nervous still and no way I'd have let him ferry mates around aimlessly.

I would have stopped him too. I can think of several accidents when I was at school involving car loads of teens.

I now live in Victoria, Australia where there are passenger restrictions for the first year after passing your test, and you have to have 120 hours of driving experience before you can even take the test. The teens don't necessarily like the system but as a parent, I sure do!

If he's looking sad he's alive.

And in this case OP, the driver has been jailed. He survived, but his life will never be the same.

My DS is 25 now, I still always remind him of his driving. Remind him of the consequences.

This sounds like a really sensible system. I wish we would implement similar in the uk

Upthread.

Write to your MP.

https://news.sky.com/story/new-drivers-under-25-could-face-young-passenger-ban-under-graduated-driving-licence-scheme-12864069

I am wondering if there is a petition running.

I'd like to see some sort of graduated driving too. Can drive mum & dad but no under 25's.

In Ireland and nearly weekly now there’s a teenager or very young person killed in a car. We hammer home the dangers of getting in a car with a non experienced driver more than we do anything else. I don’t know what they can do but honestly it just seems that young men and cars don’t mix, anytime I’m passed out dangerously by a car it’s nearly always that demographic and I think ‘oh god I hope I don’t see them on the news later’

Do you have a 17yo??

petition.parliament.uk/petitions/655298?

Some years ago a colleague lost her 18 year old son in a car crash when he was a passenger in his mates car.
When she eventually returned to work, I vividly remember her saying to me " There will always be an empty chair at our dining table now". I have never forgotten the utter devastation in her face.

YANBU.

I am dreading this stage

My friend's daughter went out with mates to celebrate her 16th birthday. The lad driving had just passed his test and was showing off in his dad's BMW.
Julie didn't make it home that night- she died. She left the world on the day she came into it with a bit of life sandwiched in the middle. Kids think they're bullet proof too many times they're not.
You're right, he's wrong.

Better looking sad than dead.

That was what l immediately thought of too. 4 lives gone. Op yanbu.

i think that’s sensible

Absolutely this. Driving in the dark and rain is really tricky these days, with poor road surfaces, wet shiny tarmac and work out markings. Add into that a teenager showing off, and it's a disaster waiting to happen.

YANBU at all. I’m not an overbearing or anxious parent in the slightest but this would make me really uncomfortable. DD is a new driver and the rules at the minute are she only drives if she needs to - no driving her friends around for fun which is a recipe for disaster in my mind. I can imagine this would be harder to police if your teens have their own car - DD is still sharing with me though so has to ask permission to take it and I am able to track her whereabouts via an app that connects to the car’s built in tracker

www.bbc.co.uk/articles/c517rnryj04o

You are not over reacting at all. This article above shares the stats of death in road traffic accidents with teen boys compared to girls. The fuel to the fire is a car full of mates egging the driver on etc. I think you are being very sensible.

When I was driving home hour earlier I was thinking what horrible conditions it was and I’ve had my license for 30 years.

Thank you!

We need to keep quoting this so that it is visible on every page.

YANBU this was absolutely non negotiable in our household.

New drivers need to be able to concentrate and focus and that's impossible with a car full of mates, probably with the music on and potentially egging the driver on to drive beyond their abilities.

Our teens could only drive with family or alone for the first 6 months. That was the condition of paying for insurance. After 6 months they could have one friend in the car.

We also fitted a black box that gives the cars location and alerts you to speed limits being broken. They had a 3 strikes and your out rule.

The same rules applied re: them being in a friends car.

I honestly can't fathom why parents allow young drivers to spend the evening driving around with a full car. What do they think they are doing? The driving is the entertainment (it's not about getting somewhere safely) and they are not getting thrills by driving in a responsible way.

Of course not all young drivers are irresponsible but they are all inexperienced and under peer pressure the risks just are not worth it.

There's a really interesting book on teenage brain development that explains this phenomenon of why teenagers are more likely to be distracted by their mates whilst driving. They literally havent developed the part of their brain that can stop them being egged on and distracted by their mates. It's heartbreaking. My parents didn't let me go in anyone else's car and would always pick me up. They also wouldn't pay for lessons so that I had to be old enough to afford them, having earnt the money myself

No . No , no, no , no no no . I’ve dealt with a number of fatal crashes that have involved youngsters and I never ever want to have one more conversation with the devastated family whose child hasn’t made it to adulthood.

One of my DC’s passed his test , and couldn’t understand why I wouldn’t let him drive his mates about at night . He’s also a police officer now , and now he does - in fact he rang me not long ago in the early hours very upset because of two young lads that had died in a crash where he was first on scene .

All my DC’s have been told not to accept lifts from the reckless , and absolutely NEVER if any drinking has happened. None . They all have an emergency £50 for cab fares and know to ring us to get home. I’d rather complain bitterly whilst driving through the night to retrieve an idiot DC , than be driving flat out to a hospital . Couldn’t agree with you more .

Don’t be so ridiculous. Getting in a car with a mate who has just passed his test is asking for trouble. Boys like to show off and do stupid things. Boo hoo if he looks a bit sad. Rather that than be killed or injured.