17 year old boys driving a car-full of mates

[95percentcocoa]

It’s dark and pouring with rain and past 9 pm. My 17 year old son is mad that I don’t want him getting picked up and getting driven around all evening by his 17 year old friend who has just passed his test this week in a car full of their mates.

It just seems like a recipe for disaster to me and would prefer he waits for a few weeks / drives him in daylight etc. He says I’m over anxious and paranoid. AIBU?

How could they police this? They have no power to enforce anything. Given the state of roads around schools at drop off time , and the number of parents not using car seats etc. Were they allowing the 6th formers to park on the premises?

We are having this conversation with dd at the moment. She's just turned 17, as have her friends, and they're all having lessons.
I'd like to think she's sensible enough herself to make those decisions but faced with a wet walk home I know she'd get in the car.
We're currently negotiating her getting in with her best friend when she passes and a lad she works with as he drives an old slow heap.
Strangely enough I don't mind her getting a lift with another lad from work who drives a fast car because I've rightly or wrongly assumed, at 25, he would know better.

Stick to your guns if you can. My brother caused a 3 car accident at 17 (car full of mates - no drink/drugs) - he and his group were okay but caused injury to the other drivers. He went to court and was charged with dangerous driving. He wishes my parents had rules. As a teacher, I've lost a 17 yo in a car accident. And 4 students were killed on a road I used to drive down daily very recently.

Of course they could enforce it! Private school, private land. If students wanted to drive to school they had to sign the agreement, pay the fee and obey the rules. School in semi-rural area and set in extensive grounds so not really practical to try and circumvent rules by parking on a road instead.

Nope! A boy in my town was recently killed driving in the rain at night. He was 17 and only just passed his test.

Nope. The statistics for accidents and deaths when teen boys get a similar aged passenger in the car are staggering (can't be bothered to find them now but they shocked me!!) we intend to buy the car, lessons and insurance on the proviso we can set the rules in the first year which will include no same aged passengers, and where possible, limited night driving (I don't mean religiously for the whole year, but longs drives, out of town straight after learning etc). I prefer countries that have a more staged learning process eg you pass but with a curfew etc.

YANBU at all

I have heard about so many fatal accidents that involved a group of young people in a car, even without drink or drugs being an issue.
How can anyone easily concentrate when they have a bunch of mates in the car all talking and excited? Let alone when they are a very inexperienced driver and will likely be chatting to their mates, not screening them out and concentrating on driving.

Young people don't have a fully developed sense of risk so when they are making split second decisions in a vehicle and distracted and excited, it's a recipe for disaster. And a new driver WILL have some sort of accident in the first year, hopefully just a car park prang or something very minor.

The government needs to seriously look at this because there have been so many tragedies.

They need to change the law. I've signed the graduated driving petition initiated by one of the mum's of the Welsh boys. My son is 17 and passed his test after only two months. He loves driving and he is out and about with his friends often. His friends are the same. If we stopped him driving he would get in with someone else. It's really difficult. If it was the law it would be easier

I am sorry that is so awful

I would also like to see a ban on young people driving rear wheel drive cars like BMW's. Too much power and too easy to lose control with rear wheel drive.

Absolutely not. My teen’s been passed for a year now + 6 months driving before test. He had one month of driving to school alone before he was allowed a passenger. Not allowed to drive more than 1 hour away. Not allowed even a sip of alcohol if driving and not allowed in any other teens car if it’s heavy rain (we live semi rural with a lot of standing water recently). I frequently drive their car to check their MPG, they actually drive better than me!

I wouldn't like this, my dd is 18yo and has mentioned a group of friends driving to a local city over Easter which I'm nervous about.

Teens and cars are not a good mix imo.

I recognize so many of the tragedies referred to in this thread. We were in Ireland years ago for a cousins 40th in a rural location. The morning after 4 local lads were found to have died after being in an accident. Winter, crap weather….

i don’t remember much about the party…. But I do think about those boys who I never met. The lovely b&b owner who did know the families was devastated.

I'm always astonished that the parents of the driver seem ok with this. The daughter of one of my friends was left permanently brain damaged and in a wheelchair after an accident in a car with a group of kids. It was her 17th birthday.

Really difficult, my DS passed at 17, drove to college, always picking up mates, etc, the relief whe. He pulled into the drive was immense. So I totally get it.

Yanbu at all. I know he’d hate it but I would offer more taxi services while his friend gets used to driving. And if he passed his test I wouldn’t allow him to drive a bunch of mates around either.

Echoing what most have said here. My son is about to learn to drive, and our rules are that he does not drive other friends, and he is not driven by friends, for at least two years after passing his test. Our car; our rules. He's happy to abide by them.

I see some very giddy behaviour near me with tiny cheap cars full of teens after school. Broad daylight, boy and girl drivers. Honestly I don’t think they should carry under 25 passengers at all til older

A group of my friends did this when I was young, one died. The others were seriously injured, have never quite recovered and it caused lots of falling out and trauma over blame etc.

A friend of mine hit a child when they were about 18 and although the child recovered, they’ve really never gotten over it and have carried it with them for life.

I have friend who had an accident the first day after he passed his test. All his friends died as he was the only one wearing a seatbelt. He moved country to get away from the memory of it all as all the families were there, small town. He hasn’t been back in something like 30 years.

I was driving last night in the dark and rain, regular route and been driving years. I had to say to my son to not ask me anything because I was having to be so alert and was compromised by all the lights, rain and the wipers etc etc like it’s really not the same as driving in the day with no rain.

Sadly, your perspective is backed up by statistics.

Please could you share the petition? I would sign it.

Yanbu. Teenage boys, thier mates, and speed are not a good combination. My son at 18 flipped his car on a country lane. He had his 2 mates in the car. The ground they landed on was soft and marshy. I think that probably saved them. They walked away with scratches. It could have been.so much worse

I agree, a car will react very differently on a wet road and fully loaded to what the driver will have been used to without the distractions of mates talking.

I don't think you are unreasonable to not feel happy about it I would feel anxious too but also he's 17 so I think it's unreasonable to stop him mostly because I don't know how you are meant to stop him. I would have ignored my parents at 17 and done it anyway

I hate my 17 year old doing this too! I worry the whole time he is out. We're in New Zealand and there are restrictions on new drivers carrying passengers which makes it slightly (very slightly) easier at times - ie learner licence they have to have a supervisor at all times - a supervisor being someone over 20 who has had a full licence for at least 2 years. Then after 6 months they can apply for their restricted licence which means they can drive alone, or carry passengers so long as one of the passengers is a supervisor. And after 18 months (or 12 months if they complete an advanced driving course) can sit their full licence test.

My son and his friends are big into just driving around the city at night, or doing laps as they call it. I have slowly stopped stressing as much about that because it's crawling with cops and they're not going at high speeds. The rural roads here as soon as you get out of town are what really worries me, he wanted to go on a 'boys trip' to some place in the middle of nowhere about 4 hours away and I was like - no way!

I don't know how you are meant to stop him. I would have ignored my parents at 17 and done it anyway

I don't think you can if they are paying for the car themselves, but if parents have helped with insurance, getting the car etc then there is an easy way to stop them!