AIBU with being angry with the school?

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Back story:

DD, 11, is in year 6 at school and has autism and adhd.

At the beginning of year 6, it transpired that a child in her class had been repeatedly slapping her around the back of the head. The other child was spoken to, told to apologise, and no further action was taken, which I was annoyed with.

On Friday the same child punched DD in the arm. I was on the school premises at the time, and they did not inform me. I only found out when I picked DD up, who was crying.

DD said that the school had told the other child that they must not do it again, but had not received a punishment nor an apology.

I rang the school immediately and asked to speak to the head, who had spoken to both children. Instead, the class teacher called me back and said "the child said she was joking so no further action is required".

I said that this was unacceptable, and I wanted to speak to the head.

It is now 18:02 on Tuesday, and nobody has contacted me despite me calling and emailing. I asked to speak to someone in person when school finished today, and was told nobody was available.

AIBU to think this is completely unacceptable and well within my rights to email the governor 30 minutes ago, or am I just being a Karen at this point? AIBU to expect that an 11 year old be punished for this?

I'm that furious I feel like punching the head to see how she likes it if it's so funny! (Obviously I wouldn't!)

If your level of anger expressed in your post - the 'how about I punch you in the head and see how you like it?' bit - came across in any way to Reception or the class teacher, they're avoiding you now and with good cause.

Check the school behaviour and bullying policies which have to be on the school website and see what should be happening then take it from there.

A governor should not respond to you, apart from telling you that they have forwarded your email to the head for them to deal with. At this stage governors must not be involved.
Download the school complaints procedure from their website and send a formal complaint in ready for tomorrow morning. Make sure you include what outcome you want from the complaint.
And stop using that misogynistic 'Karen' crap.

I'm nothing but polite and pleasant to staff at the school. I keep reiterating that I'm very angry, but I'm certainly in no way aggressive!

I have, it's a level 5 incident that should in theory warrant a suspension and/or notifying the police. I do not in anyway expect them to report an 11 year old to the police. But I do believe it meets their criteria of bullying.

The school policy actually states that the complaint can go to the governors if it is about the head! Otherwise where else would I send it?

Go through the school complaint process. Poor governor they are volunteers. They need to run it via the school so you need to follow the proper procedures... I know alot of nice Karen's.

That is the schools complaint process. Complaints go to the head, complaints about the head go to governors.

I’d tell them if I’m they don’t take it seriously you will report the assault to the police. You have to go in really hard in these situations because if they think they can get away with ignoring you they will.

If I recall correctly governors can only get involved if the head has not followed procedures. So, just out of politeness I'd tell the head that that is your plan and give them a chance to put things right first.

Ouch, I'm not keen on doing that but I understand what you mean. I think it's contradictory when they send children to reflect for talking too much in classes yet haven't even told the child to apologise!

I would stop calling it bullying and call it what it is, which is assault. Ask what the school is going to do to protect your child from any potential future assaults by the other child and to deal with the assaults that have already taken place.

Ask if the head thinks assault in the workplace is acceptable, what would the head do if a member of their staff punched and slapped another member of staff, would they accept “it was a joke” as an excuse and say no more about the incident?

You're focusing on the wrong thing. You shouldn't care about punishment for the other child. Realistically there's no punishment they can give that will satisfy the parents of a bullied child. You need to switch the focus to what actions are being taken to protect my child. Obviously it's a concern that other children are punching her and their intent is a bigger factor than what happened.

@Shinyeyes I did that yesterday. Hence emailing the governors this evening. DDs dad (we are separated) thinks I'm being "dramatic".

An 11 year old is above the age of criminal responsibility. Punching someone isn’t a joke.

The school should be taking you seriously. A joke to one kid isn’t a joke the victim of the violence especially if she has a disability that means she may not understand.

Also, it’s common courtesy to speak to you.

@viques and @Changeandagoodrest I have been calling it assault and bullying.

They have taken no actions to separate them either, they still sit next to each other!

They shouldn’t tell you what’s happened to the other child, but they should be clear on how they are going to protect your child in the future and why they are dismissing punching as “a joke”.

Well if the punch on the arm was just a joke and is seen to be a joke- how we're all merrily guffawing- I would be inclined to continue the joke towards the appropriate adults when I come across them.
Childish? Probably...but we all love a good joke don't we?

It would not be your right to know what sanctions the other child has, or indeed any trauma going on on their life.

Ask for them to be separated if you like but

1. was there a mark on her arm?
2. depending on the above - no mark you can’t tell how hard it was or if it was a joke?
3. Joking aside -I would expect her to be spoken to - they are at my sons primary but no more repeats.
4. the school has a time frame to respond and they will still be within that - so calm down. Ask for an appointment before the end of the week. You do sound very aggressive though and I would suggest staff would meet you as more than one of them. These are children, children make mistakes, they learn. Mine has been hit and got an apology / my attitude they but for the grace of God go I!

There's punching, and there is punching.
There is a world of difference between a child repeatedly and angrily punching another child around the head for examples, or punching them in the arm "as a joke."
And I am not saying that a punch in the arm is funny, or unimportant. It could very well be a symptom of bullying and part of a much bigger pattern.But it can also be something that friends do do. So it can be hard to tell the difference and hard to deal with.
And the punch in the arm I am imagining doesn't warrant a suspension.

School may also not be able to tell you what punishment they have given, if any. As that's confidential. And they can't tell you what else is going on with that child.

You have to trust them to deal with it.
I know there is history here but this was one incident. They have to be proportionate.

I have no idea what your child is like. They have adhd and autism....that could mean they potentially have difficult behaviours at school?? It can make relationships difficult. It can make them impulsive and lash out? I say this because potentially they are not entirely faultless here?
But also because the other child could easily have the same diagnosis but perhaps even more severe.

Stop calling it bullying, ask to see their school policy that deals with assault. If they don’t have one say that in that case if it happens again then regretfully you will have to take your complaint to the police, who do have policies on assault. Mention that of course you realise that this will have a detrimental effect on the other child, and on the school’s reputation, but your concern is for your child’s safety, and unless the school is willing to put measures in place to safeguard her then you are left with no other option.

Are the staff friendly with the mother of the hitter? Or is her parent one of the staff? This was an issue in my dcs' primary school. Dd's bully's mother was great friends with the staff so they were reluctant to take the bullying seriously. I think you are right to escalate it.
If it's any reassurance, this sort of preferential treatment depending on who the parent was never happened at secondary school. The staff seemed to keep more of a professional distance.

I would email the head and explain you are unhappy with the repeated assaults on your child. You want a meeting tomorrow to discuss why school policy has not been followed how this will be managed should it happen again.

If you do not receive a response by lunchtime tomorrow I would email to explain you will be escalating this to theLGB due to policy not being upheld and that you will be passing the matter onto the police.

It's unlikely the police will do more than document it but that's still handy in case it continues/escalates

I remember one of the reception staff writing a fawning post on the school twitter page about the bully. I had to sit on my hands to stop myself writing a less complimentary reply about her!

Oh dear God.

When will schools actually step up and do something to protect children.

I am sick of (some) HTs hiding in their offices and not dealing with problems