To ask son to pay for his food?

[twinklemoon]

Son is in his early 20s and still at home. Because his income varies so much I have never taken rent as he was in full time education although he does make a small contribution towards the electric after my bill doubled when he finished college and was home all day.

His income varies and can be £600 up to £1200 a month. Usually I would say now it is more around the £900 amount.

I am the only adult in the house other than him so only one income. I have had to budget and have made cut backs due to the cost of living. There is always food in the fridge and freezer but son has some (genuine) sensory issues and his variety of diet is very limited and will rarely eat what I eat, he will also not even touch things that are not branded. As a result some of his meals cost a lot more than I would buy myself and I am struggling.

I must also admit there are times at the end of the month when I am digging to find change for basics and he is coming home with frivolities and nice snacks and goodies it is a bit frustrating!

Am I being mean to ask him to buy his own food or at least contribute towards it?

Regardless of his income he should be contributing and pay some rent.

This is ridiculous, surely he can shop for and buy his own food?! What the heck does he spend £1200 a month on if its not living costs? What a life!

Hi. I know it's difficult!
But you're doing your son a disservice by not charging him a reasonable "mam" rent. How many working adults have £900 rattling about in their back pocket at the end of the month. I hope to god he's putting it in saves.
You'll never get rid of him if you carry on like this.

Your son is an adult and needs to learn to stand on his own feet. I could have managed without the money, but I charged my daughters for living at home once they had finished their education and had a job. I saved most of the money they paid me and later used it to help pay for one daughter’s wedding and to help another to buy a flat. It would be reasonable for your son to pay you £300 a month.

YANBU.

I was living in my own rented house at 20 and before I moved out I was paying £50 a week board to my parents. I’m shocked it’s even been asked if it’s unreasonable for an ADULT to pay his own way 😮

Without your help, how would he manage to live and feed himself on such a variable income? He wouldn't, in short. You need a contribution from him that covers more of what he costs you. If that leaves him short of funds, then he needs to up his income to a more regular amount, doesn't he? I'd give him the details of your bills and food costs and see whether he realises it is only fair he pays more rather than continuing to sponge off you. I wonder if this is how cocklodgers are made.

40 years ago, as soon as I was working I was paying my parents rent. Back then it was £50 a month, or each time I was paid. It was totally acceptable to me. It reinforced I was a young adult and was gaining independence and responsibility.

Have you had the conversation about this?

I'm sure if you sit down and show him a typical budget for running the house, he will acknowledge staying at home is cheaper than moving out.