I cannot handle my boyfriend's dog anymore

[Applecake123]

Hi everyone, I hope you are all fine!
I'm in urgent need of advice, first of all, I want to highlight that I love all kind of animals, and I don't have anything specific against any breed.

I'll tey to make it short and explain the situation, I meet my boyfriend a year ago and we had a long distance relationship, we'll visit each other each month and I must say I am happy with him, he's hard working, he's a great person, and the most important, we incredibly connect.

Two months ago we took the desicion to move together, since I discovered I got pregnant. Everything has been wonderful, he bought a house, were we are both living together, bit here is the issue;
I have two cats, who are we'll trained and have never bitten or misbehaved. My boyfriend has a 10 years old pitbull who's not trained and, unfortunately (I did not noticed this before) not very well maintained, worse part the dog is incredibly aggressive towards other animals. Until now we did try to introduce them, and my cat's are really into getting close to the dog, but everytime the dog sees the cats he just wants to run towards them and attack them.

I'm terrorised that the dog will hurt my cats, and we are into the limit were it's either the dog locked downstairs, or my cats locked in the room (which makes me terribly angry, my cats spend days and nights locked in the room with me, without access to their litter box, because the dog cannot behave).

Plus point; the dog pee and poop everywhere in the house, it doesn't matter if you just walked her for 30 minutes, she will come back, rest and pee. She did her necessities in the couch, in the bed from downstairs, and the other couch.

Maybe here I am a bit not tolerant, but I was always very high demanding with myself and how clean my house was, plus now I am pregnant and I smell things five times more, so for me is like living in a house were it constantly stinks of dog pee, poop or just dog smell (yes, my boyfriend doesn't bath the dog, so it smells terrible, I can't even eat while the dog is near me, it just makes me sick).

This whole situation is making my life miserable. I know I sound extreme with this situation, bit I just cannot continue living this situation, seeing my cat's locked In a room because the dog cannot behave, but first of all, I cannot think of my child playing on the same place were the dog did her things.

I have tried to help my boyfriend as much as I could, I understand that this whole situation is also stressful for the dog, and it's been a month we are here, but all I do is clean every day 2 or 3 times the dogs pee and the poop. (My boyfriend is working, so technically is me cleaning it or being miserable with the smell)

I get it maybe the dog is not walking enough, and I have considered walking the dog myself to fix the issue, but the problem is that the dog pulls so much when walking, that I cannot control it, this dog goes crazy when he sees an other animal, and its so strong I'm afraid I wouldn't be able to control it, and I don't want the dog killing an other animal, I am not even allowed to walk the dog (it's a dangerous breed, so it's supposed to be walked by my boyfriend only) and I'm pregnant, I don't want the dog to make me fall or have an accident.

It's just like, the dog doesn't want any solution but just to be an ass hole, she broke two dog muzzles, so the idea of introducing the dog to my cat's using a muzzle is non existent, and I won't take the risk of just letting them be and having one of my cats killed.

Now, I don't want to ask my boyfriend to get rid of the dog, it's been with him for 10 years, I deeply love my animals, and I couldn't imagine giving up one of my cats, but I am stuck.
I know it's completely impossible to train the dog, she's too old, I'm pregnant and cannot really help (I barely stand to survive my own sickness) Andy boyfriend doesn't have time to train the dog, he works all day and comes back home extremely tired.

Any ideas of how to survive this? I'm literally crying every night thinking I will lose my boyfriend and my baby will lose growing with he's dad. I don't want that, but I don't want to live a miserable life, or force my cat's to live locked in a tiny room.
I need help desperately.

I wouldn't have my child coexist with a dog who's peeing everywhere. I really hope there is a way to train the dog, and that we will find it.
This above op is ABSOLUTELY UNIMPORTANT compared to the real problem- please say you won’t have your baby in the same house as a dangerous breed dog that is badly trained and attacks the only small creatures that have when introduced into their house ie your cats. What the fuck do you think it will think of your baby when they start crawling? Look up babies and dog attacks- you have two choices that aren’t putting your baby in serious danger. Move home to your country or dog goes. You cannot have the baby in the same house as this dog. The hygiene considerations of the wee and poo are both absolutely disgusting and also dangerous but nowhere near as dangerous as the untrained dog that attacks your cats. Shame on your partner for never having trained them, but you should fly home to your parents and say I can only come back if there’s no dog.

Absolutely, reading the ops posts and thinking woah she has no idea of the risk here, and she’s having a baby. There will be a moment when you’re so tired, you just close your eyes for a minute… and after the police and hospital and grief your baby is a line in a newspaper, black and white text that doesn’t in any way convey the reality that a tiny helpless human was torn apart by teeth and claws.

Have you tried talking to your partner about rehoming the dog? I wouldn't bring a baby into a house with a dangerous dog and it sounds like you have no option to move out.

I am sorry to hear of your (and the animals’) plight.
I got a new partner, I had 1 x very spoiled, timid pussy cat, they had 2 x small, but boisterous dogs who never knew or accepted that the cat could be their friend. I mistakenly thought it would be ‘OK’ but we were continuously fire-fighting. (Cat could come and go through the open windows, we put barriers to upstairs/downstairs to keep dogs in when we were either in the living room or bedroom..) But TBH it was HELL! I never told partner to part with dogs.. they never asked me to rehome cat.. (we were both animal lovers.) The situation was eventually resolved as partner wanted to re-home the dogs as it they were actually their ex’es who had dumped them on them.. (Plus they could not afford the upkeep as they were high maintenance.)

My concerns for you are: A. You have a child on the way. How will the dog react to a newborn? B. Old dogs are definitely set in their ways, and will protect/bond with their life long owner..
Sadly I think your partner has a difficult choice ahead: Child’s safety v’s dogs needs…
Perhaps it is better as someone suggested you live apart until this is resolved naturally. (*If this is possible. Are you able to go down route of immigration/asylum if this is what you are saying? Or worst case scenario, you return to your home country and hope family will help.)
I truly hope BF steps up and realises the gravity of the situation and acts in a positive way..
I wish you all the best of luck for the future and hope a workable solution can be found.

Girl where are you at ? You scared a ton of mums here and now you have disappeared…. You have to ask for help
to your family or go to the police and ask someone to take you back home … you are clearly not thinking straight and you talk about pregnancy irrational feelings trying to justify why you are angry at your partner !? Have you lost your fucking mind ??! You need to get out of there ASAP … the baby is in danger because the father and the mother can’t even see what a deranged pit bull could do to them … do yourself a favour … put this baby up for adoption . This is horrible !!! Never mind the fact that you have to pick shit up while pregnant … that dog will
kill
your baby !!!

Suggestions to re home the dog are unfair and irresponsible. His dog his responsibility. You don’t just palm it off to become someone else’s problem. The only solution here is to move out. The situation is an accident waiting to happen. The dog will probably attack the baby if it gets the opportunity and you will never relax with them both in the same house. As well as the cruelty to the poor cats.

You can't raise a baby in that kind of environment, the dog needs controlling. Can I be confined in an area in the house? You can't be cleaning up after a dog and looking after a baby it isn't practical or healthy for anyone. You need to discuss the dog with him and how going forward he thinks it will work

I cant see anyway this situation is going to end happily so if it were me I think I would write down every possible solution with every pro and con attached to each one. There won't be an option that gives you a completely happy outcome. It will be a compromise based on what you are prepared to compromise on. You sound a very loving caring person but don't forget when considering others to consider yourself and your baby. If the situation is unsafe for cats do you think it will be safe for a baby?

Sorry the comments seem so unhepful on here.
I sorry you are in this situation. It isn't your fault.
I do agree that dangerous dogs should not be near a baby.
When are you due to have baby?

This is something you definitely need to speak to your partner about. Let him know your feelings. As it's his dog I think he should be stepping up, and introducing extra training for the dog, can you get a behaviourist in? Do you have a garden? Could you crate train the dog and use one for short periods?

I also agree that it would be properly sad for your partner if you asked him to get rid of his 10 year old dog, but the safety of the baby should be number one priority. Does he have any family the dog could go to so that he can still see her?

Good luck x

I'm sorry you're in this situation.

I'm a huge animal lover too but I think you've been too lenient and this is a bigger issue than the wellbeing and safety of your cats (which is a big enough reason anyway imo).

This dog could be a risk to your baby if not trained well enough and living in a risk with its urine and faeces is a safety risk for you and your baby.

Go to council and see about a place of your own or move back to your family till you have your baby. Thus dog will go for your baby as not trained for anything

OP you really need to move back to the UK and get some proper support. You can't bring a baby into an environment with a dangerous and not house trained dog. You risk the dog harming/killing your baby or Social Services removing your baby due to your living conditions. Are your parents back in the UK? Or do you have friends you could stay with until you get back on your feet? It will be harder to escape once the baby arrives so ideally the sooner you get away from this toxic environment the better.

We got a rehome and she did the same with toilet accidents for a first few months i too was heavy pregnant,

With dogs it all takes time but you need to be on it with training especially with baby on way , cuddles with belly and sent of clothes give treats lake sure he knows its a good thing.
You can introduce cat by holding in a room next door with a barrier and once he calms down and knows he can't get it and giving him a treat for not being aggressive and calming down repeat a few times until the inital aggression stops
Then move closer but holding the cat let him sniff and be close if no aggression treat praise keep doing and then move onto placing the car down on a chair or sofa near dog. Same with treats and praise it may take a couple of weeks. Bit worth it dog are amazing for children the only thing I would say is as he is older it probably best to teach youe baby and dog boundaries older dogs bless them they don't mean to be aggressive it just old there senses are all other the place and they can be very short .
X

You need a long serious talk with your partner. It would be very irresponsible to bring a baby into that environment and unsafe. He will have to face the fact that the dog will have to be put down. I doubt you'd find anyone else to take the dog on. I know you will feel bad for him to give up his dog...but responsibilities have changed..and he has to step up now. The dog is probably feeling your hostility which could make him aggressive with the baby. Even if you broke up now, no way could you let him have part custody with your baby with the dog in the house. It's really non negotiable!

First off all you should not be cleaning up this mess especially if you are pregnant. Secondly if you can't live in this mess what will it be like when the baby is born. You need to tell your boyfriend you will not put up with this otherwise you are moving out. Yes it seems extreme but you have another person to think about. This is something he needs to sort. Aggressive dogs should not be around babies. I know thos sounds harsh but you are unhappy now and will be even more unhappy when the baby is born. I'm not sure of your financial status but you need to get away.

Sounds like ur partner got the dog as a status symbol 🙄 I've got a cane corso puppy and these big breeds need so much attention and time! Definitely shouldn't be going loo inside at 10. Do u not have a garden you could let the dog out into?

You have two options. The dog needs professional training to learn to go outside and not in the house for his necessities and being around other pets - although now that he is older, not sure whether it's too late for him to be trained. You have to seek help and advice for this from vets and a dog behaviourist and put time and effort. Plus this is a difficult breed to train. Are you ready for the stress of it all? The whole situation is not healthy for you and it's not fair on the pet either who seems to be uncontrollable due to his lack of training. If they are not properly trained then they dont understand what they are doing wrong. If your partner cared, he would have already put effort to train his dog to behave. Did you know before you moved in together that the dog uses your partners place to do his necessities? You need a clean and safe environment for you and the baby and you will have to put down conditions. He either puts time and effort to train the dog (if not too late!) living in the house and provides a clean and safe environment for you (you already have made effort to put up with it all and you need space from the dog) it's not good enough to provide a house where you can't live - if he can't do that or if he can't compromise or understand the stress already caused or even respect the fact that a clean and safe home environment to live in, is important for you all, even for your own general health and peace of mind - you will have to find a way to move out for your own and the baby's health and safety.

This.

Please understand I also love dogs. But I am worried for the baby.
I would simply ring the rspca and explain your worries to them and to the boyfriend and maybe they can direct him to the right advise if letting the dog go to a person who has the time to love and train the dog.
Go to the ciuncil and get a bedsit for now and explain to the boyfriend it's time for the dog to go to someone who can train him or you spend the season at a training course with him.
You can never ever leave baby alone in your own home in the room with the dog and what if a door was left ajar.
Dogs get jealous too on top of his behaviour.
He needs time training and love.
Your pregnancy won't be healthy with this worry.

Fundamentally, you cannot have a baby and the dog you are describing living together. Is there anyone e.g. a friend of his or family who can support you in discussing this with him? What about healthcare professionals such as a midwife? In the UK a health visitor would probably raise concerns but they don't come out until baby is born. I have a cat and a dog so am an animal lover so feel your pain.

Helpful!

Great reply. Good luck OP..

Have you read the thread?

Advice like yours is incredibly reckless and gives false hope.

The dog is dangerous and it will be a miracle if it doesn't harm the baby.

It is beyond training and the OP is putting her pregnancy at risk with unhygienic and stressful conditions.

This thread has worried so many people.

Aside from anything else you have written in your post. PitBulls are a banned breed in the UK and a regulated dog breed elsewhere for a reason. They are a genetically aggressive breed even with training. Their physiological features make them adept at seriously maiming or killing what ever living thing (build and large lock jaw) they want to attack. I repeat this is why they are a banned breed in the UK... aggressive predisposition genetically + physiologically constructed to be an able killing machine = huge damage potential.

You have already described an aggressive nature and aggression towards your cats. What chance do you think a baby has against a powerful aggressive dog...they would be dead within a minute if your dog chose to do that 😥😥😥 If he doesn't move your dog on...you need to leave. And no home visits/ visitation with the dog present 👍

Ps anyone who disagrees needs to do research. And yes all dogs can be aggressive eg Yorkshire Terriers. But I'd rather have the doggy equivalent of a 6 year old child attack me than the doggy equivalent of Dwayne the Rock Johnson with a lock jaw who has already shown the capacity to be a risk 🤷🤷🤷

If I was in your situation, it would be a firm, either the dog goes or I go. And I say that as an animal lover. I wouldn’t have my cat in this situation let alone my child.