I cannot handle my boyfriend's dog anymore

[Applecake123]

Hi everyone, I hope you are all fine!
I'm in urgent need of advice, first of all, I want to highlight that I love all kind of animals, and I don't have anything specific against any breed.

I'll tey to make it short and explain the situation, I meet my boyfriend a year ago and we had a long distance relationship, we'll visit each other each month and I must say I am happy with him, he's hard working, he's a great person, and the most important, we incredibly connect.

Two months ago we took the desicion to move together, since I discovered I got pregnant. Everything has been wonderful, he bought a house, were we are both living together, bit here is the issue;
I have two cats, who are we'll trained and have never bitten or misbehaved. My boyfriend has a 10 years old pitbull who's not trained and, unfortunately (I did not noticed this before) not very well maintained, worse part the dog is incredibly aggressive towards other animals. Until now we did try to introduce them, and my cat's are really into getting close to the dog, but everytime the dog sees the cats he just wants to run towards them and attack them.

I'm terrorised that the dog will hurt my cats, and we are into the limit were it's either the dog locked downstairs, or my cats locked in the room (which makes me terribly angry, my cats spend days and nights locked in the room with me, without access to their litter box, because the dog cannot behave).

Plus point; the dog pee and poop everywhere in the house, it doesn't matter if you just walked her for 30 minutes, she will come back, rest and pee. She did her necessities in the couch, in the bed from downstairs, and the other couch.

Maybe here I am a bit not tolerant, but I was always very high demanding with myself and how clean my house was, plus now I am pregnant and I smell things five times more, so for me is like living in a house were it constantly stinks of dog pee, poop or just dog smell (yes, my boyfriend doesn't bath the dog, so it smells terrible, I can't even eat while the dog is near me, it just makes me sick).

This whole situation is making my life miserable. I know I sound extreme with this situation, bit I just cannot continue living this situation, seeing my cat's locked In a room because the dog cannot behave, but first of all, I cannot think of my child playing on the same place were the dog did her things.

I have tried to help my boyfriend as much as I could, I understand that this whole situation is also stressful for the dog, and it's been a month we are here, but all I do is clean every day 2 or 3 times the dogs pee and the poop. (My boyfriend is working, so technically is me cleaning it or being miserable with the smell)

I get it maybe the dog is not walking enough, and I have considered walking the dog myself to fix the issue, but the problem is that the dog pulls so much when walking, that I cannot control it, this dog goes crazy when he sees an other animal, and its so strong I'm afraid I wouldn't be able to control it, and I don't want the dog killing an other animal, I am not even allowed to walk the dog (it's a dangerous breed, so it's supposed to be walked by my boyfriend only) and I'm pregnant, I don't want the dog to make me fall or have an accident.

It's just like, the dog doesn't want any solution but just to be an ass hole, she broke two dog muzzles, so the idea of introducing the dog to my cat's using a muzzle is non existent, and I won't take the risk of just letting them be and having one of my cats killed.

Now, I don't want to ask my boyfriend to get rid of the dog, it's been with him for 10 years, I deeply love my animals, and I couldn't imagine giving up one of my cats, but I am stuck.
I know it's completely impossible to train the dog, she's too old, I'm pregnant and cannot really help (I barely stand to survive my own sickness) Andy boyfriend doesn't have time to train the dog, he works all day and comes back home extremely tired.

Any ideas of how to survive this? I'm literally crying every night thinking I will lose my boyfriend and my baby will lose growing with he's dad. I don't want that, but I don't want to live a miserable life, or force my cat's to live locked in a tiny room.
I need help desperately.

Sure her and the baby will get rehoused in a jiffy! Great idea!!!

You're having a baby. You think that the dog hates cats. Wait until the baby arrives.

I had my dog put down because a toddler and a baby caused her so much distress and aggression. We were heartbroken at the time

I'd take the dog to the vet and get an opinion on the wetting and pooping indoors. Could be physical, or behavioral. And from there get a recommendation for a trainer. If boyfriend can't walk the dog more often, get a dog walker.

They've been down the vet route. The dog finds cats distressing after 10 years. I can't imagine how a baby will affect it

i haven’t read all the posts but your cats are the least of your problems. It is imperative that the dog is out before the baby arrives. This is a dangerous and violent dog and it is only a matter of time until he attacks the baby. If he does kill the baby, you and your bf may be liable criminally.

@Applecake123 OP how far along are you in the pregnancy? Continuing with this pregnancy is the very last thing you need. Please think with your head, not your heart.

Are you suggesting she terminates her pregnancy for the benefit of her bf's dangerous dog? 🤯🤯🤯 thats nuts an absolutely not your place to even suggest

Jeez absolutely no way.
Some people put ''nappies'' on dogs when dogs have seasons, but even then dogs get distressed when they can't clean themselves.

Can you imagine urine scalding and fecal irritation on a furred animal?
Who would ''change'' the dog?

Having to wash smushed in faeces from an animal's coat would be horrible for both dog and human.

No for multiple reasons. No job, in foreign country, has a boyfriend that is unable to train a dog. Willingly owns a dangerous dog... Doesn't seem like he'd be father material. And she'd be trapped to him. At the very least, she needs to get a place on her own. He has more red flags than a Communist party convention.

Once you have a baby, you won't be independent to leave without his permission, unless you want to leave the baby behind. I'd get yourself back here while it is still in utero.

Doesn't sound like either of you will be responsible parents. You're blaming the dog for a situation you put it in, boyfriend MOVED house and didn't give a 10 yo dog any chance to settle in before imposing a virtual stranger and cats into the house. You are being cruel to your cats after making significant effort to get rabies vaccines and pet passports to move them to Spain and then moving them in with an aggressive dog.
You said he did so much for you, so much so that you moved to Spain, if you're a UK citizen and unemployed it can't have been easy to get your residency certificate either.
Completely dependent on this man, in a foreign country and pregnant... would you encourage your friends to do this or would you consider this a red flag for an abusive relationship. Just like he doesn't need to have hit the dog to be neglectful, doesn't need to be physical to be abuse.
You'd be better off in the UK in a Women's Aid refuge and your cats with Cats Protection Lifeline until you get your own place.

Could the dog become an outdoor dog with a nice kennel outside and spend his time outdoors? I know some people would say its cruel but might be a compromise rather than asking him to get rid of it?

I would not live with a pitbull. You definitely should not have a pintbull and a baby in the same house. I would not feel safe. I know a child who was severely bitten by a dangerous breed.

Shes not mentioned being concerned about any of those things. Termination should only ever be in the best interests of the mother and the fetus. All of those things you've mentioned are either solvable or just your opinion. We know nothing else about this man, and babies aren't just for people with money. Smh

A child is unsolveable, it will link her to him for life. We don't need your anti-choice views. Smh

How do you know the dog won't attack the baby if it cannot tolerate the cats? You are in a mess here and if your boyfriend won't get rid of the dog I think you should move out even if it means moving back to your family. The cats need rehoming too.

My partner does not believe that pitbulls are aggressive, he knows the dog is aggressive towards other animals, but he mentioned the dog was never introduced to other animals, so it does not know how to behave. He, as a pitbull owner, does not see the dog as a danger for the baby, neither for the cats, as he's initial comments when I asked him how his dog will react to my cat's once I move with him was "they'll be angry at each other for a week, and then they'll be fine living together ". I have no possible way of knowing the dog will react like this and we will end up with cat's closed upstairs or dog closed downstairs.
As a pet owner, I do understand that it all depends on the animals personality, there are cat's who are totally aggressive with dog and the other way around. I did know my cat's were super friendly, from the first moment they saw the dog they both wanted to come closer and meet her, they even go to the dog's door and stay there, I do know that if the dog will behave, there will be no issues on the cat's side.
I understand people may get angry at the current dog/cat's situation, however, I had no way of knowing the dog will behave this way.
I was together with my boyfriend for a year, and as I mentioned, we stayed together many times, either him at my place or me at he's place.
The dog never EVER showed this behaviour, I'm maybe not a professional with dogs behaviour, bit the dog was always showing a ok behaviour, peeing and doing it's necessities outside, maybe she will pee once per week or maybe less than that inside, but most of the times was when we woke up late and missed her time to walk, again, it's an old dog, it's fine if she has an accident sometimes, I'm more than happy to clean it.
Currently she's peeing two times per day inside the house, even if she goes outside once in the morning for minimum 30 minutes, again once my boyfriend is back from work at 18, and one more time before going to bed, I don't know dogs, maybe it's too little, and it needs more outside time, specially while my boyfriend is at work, I tried to walk her in the past and it's a no, she's too strong and too stressed, so, unfortunately I cannot help with walking her.

I don't know, I'm not a dog person so I don't know about dangerous breeds, not until now. And I think it'll be hard to convince my boyfriend (if he has a pitbull is because he doesn't believe that their are dangerous) that the dog itself will be a danger, even if we manage to solve the cat's and the pee situation.

I will have a conversation with my boyfriend this weekend because he was very busy working and I was sick the last few days.
I do not think is fear to ask him to get rid of the dog, so I will tell him that I will move away until the dog passes away or he makes the decision himself to give the dog away (I also don't want to ever hear that I forced him to give away the dog, so that's a decision he'll need to make himself).
More I cannot do in this situation I guess

Sounds like a good choice to leave until circumstances change.
His blind trust in the dog is the worrying part, because however the dog was before it is clearly pretty stressed and unhappy now and it's reactions can't be trusted even if it hasn't previously been aggressive.
A dog doesn't need to have an aggressive nature to react badly when stressed, it's an animal at the end of the day.
A good dog owner would recognise that even a much loved pet has limits to what it can truly be relied upon to do and act to protect the dog from coping with more then is fair.
If he's in the habit of a shorter morning walk, out all day at work then two more walks before bed, that's not unreasonable as a level of exercise... But it's also a dog who is very very used to it's own space and being alone for hours every day.
Now it's got an entirely different situation, no wonder it's not relaxed and is unhappy, that's a big change and too much to feel confident the dog won't do something out of character... I absolutely wouldn't bring a baby into that and if either of you care about your pets as it seems you do, you'd take them away from each other.

This situation is setting the poor dog up to fail, your bf doesn't seem to appreciate that, though he loves his dog he has a naiveté and lack of proper understanding of dog psychology.

This just all sounds like lack of effort from your OH. Many many people (I would say most) who own dogs will hold down a full time job but still manage to train and walk an appropriate amount. That’s the commitment you make when you have a dog. He’s not being a responsible dog owner so unless he changes and gives the dog the attention and effort it needs to change its behaviour it sounds like the dog needs to go regardless of you, the cats and the baby

He's an idiot. There are so many stories of pitbulls turning. You're right not to risk it. He's not ready to be a dad if he can't see this.

I have a small, timid, friendly dog who is soppy and has never shown any aggression to anyone or any other animals would I 100% trust her around a baby? No way, even trained calm dogs can be unpredictable, all animals can. Your in a difficult situation BUT your going to be a mother, time to stop dithering and wringing your hands over this and tell your (not so) wonderful boyfriend there's no way your going to put your baby at risk of being hurt by this dog. Yes dogs can display unwanted behaviours when something changes but if it's showing aggression at you and your cats being there, imagine how it's going to react to a new baby stealing what's left of the little attention it gets now. Someone took the pi*s with a 'think of the children' meme, but if you, THE BABIES MOTHER, arnt going to put it first then who is?

The dog being a pit bull has zero to do with it. They can be theost amazing loving pets!! The issue is it's had no training and no effort put into it! I have a cane corso puppy and am trying for a baby and fully know he wouldn't pose a risk to that baby 🤷‍♀️

Sorry to say it but he needs to get rid of that dog or you need to find somewhere else to live - there will be places for you to go as a pregnant woman.
Think about it like this - if the dog is still going for the cats constantly now, how is he going to be with a baby? Are you ever going to forgive your partner or yourself if the baby gets hurt?
Also, you shouldn't be going anywhere near dog mess while you're pregnant, you also shouldn't be cleaning the litter trays!
Sending you supportive hugs.

You’ve conveniently not addressed the main issue which is that if you give birth in that country you won’t be able to return home with your baby. The dog is almost entirely irrelevant.

But if you really want to talk about the animals - you are both terrible pet owners. He dog is kept inside all day so ends up having to wee inside (obviously one wee in the morning and another at 6pm is not enough - could you wait that long?), and you are not giving your cats a good quality of life. You sound like you deserve eachother.

Sounds horrific.
Practical things you can do immediately? Dog needs limiting to one room in house, can’t be shitting and pissing all over.

Next - boyfriend baths the dog once at fortnight. Also buy some dog perfume from Amazon. I use it on dog and it last a 3 days of so once sprayed, cheap too.

Next, some proper training. An old dog CAN learn new tricks, but it take a lot more patience and training. You need the help of someone like Graham Hall on dogs braving badly - seriously apply! failing that, a professional training school - expensive but you can have an intense residential for a week where they stay there. You need something extreme here .

You cannot have a baby around this.
You need a frank conversation with you boyfriend. Either the dog has to go or he’s got to work his arse off to train the dog: no other option. It needs to happen fast too.