Christmas plans

[AngryBird6122]

Yes, i know, we are in March!

Just wanted to see what people thought of this.

Dad lives abroad, comes home for Xmas rarely, maybe once every 5 years. I have two young DC who would love to spend it with him. Last year he was umming and aahing about coming home, Dh said we'd love to have you (have never hosted before) so let us know. He decided not to come.

DSis (fave child- seriously!!) told me last week that she was having him for Christmas day this year plus my nan and grandad, and we were welcome to join them in the evening for games (like an evening wedding guest?!) as she knows we like to have dinner on our own (not particularly, it's just everyone normally does their own thing)

Now he hasn't even told me yet that he is here for Xmas, and they have already made plans.

I am pissed off and v upset.

Wanted to see what others thought.

bump!

Family video call time. Have it out in the open

That’s a bit shit.

Do you live near to your sister?

Just tell your dad and sister exactly what you have told us.

Reasonable to feel a bit hurt but that is it. Accept the invitation for the evening, contact father to arrange for him to come to yours at some point and concentrate on the benefits, family time, memories etc.

Christmas should banned NOW! For many it is nothing but trouble and strife.

Anyway, I would wait a while and see if Dad contacts you, then in plenty of time I'd tell Dad and sis that you will invite him to yours on Boxing Day or whatever day suits, just Dad. Do your own thing Christmas Day.

You can't please everyone, so you gotta please yourself!

I’d just ask if you can come in the day as you’d really like to spend Christmas with them all 🤷🏼‍♀️

Do you think it's possible that your dad might just find your two young kids a bit exhausting in large doses? I'm sure they're great and that he loves them, but perhaps spending a few days staying with them over Christmas when, like most children, they're at the peak of their excitement just feels like a bit much. I understand why you're hurt that he hadn't discussed any of this with you, but perhaps he didn't know to broach it. Put it this way, my dad loves his grandkids and makes a big fuss of them when he sees them; he'll play with them, read to them, is affectionate etc. But there is no way he'd want to spend the entirety of Christmas in the same house as them! He'd soon feel like he'd had enough.

I don't see anything wrong with your sister's suggestion of you coming over in the evening for games etc. From her point of view that will be a lot more chilled than having three (or four? Not sure if you have a partner) extra people to cater for at a sit-down dinner. If you go over in the evening it will be a lot more chilled, everyone can snack on leftovers, the kids will have got their Christmas morning excitement out of the way and it actually really sounds like more fun to me than having to spend the whole day there!

Don't get me wrong - I do understand that if there's a particular dynamic going on that you've found hurtful in the past, this probably feels like more of a big deal and of course only you know the full context. But on the face of it, I don't think this sounds too bad at all.

I think PP probably has something there. Does your DSIS also have very young DC?

Defo not the young kids thing. They are v easy and he comes over every summer to take them away for a week. This is not a haggard elderly man btw! He is very fit and active. He’s 61! She has one teenager

Btw when i said young they are tweens not toddlers!!!

That’s fucking nasty.

One time I spent weeks asking my family if they wanted to make plans for Easter/ what should we do? No one got back to me at all despite repeatedly asking and DM DF and Dsis all went to other Dsis house for lunch with her family. I was very upset, I found out on the day via the family group chat!

@Mummame2222 im sorry. 🥺

he hasn’t even mentioned to me he will be in the uk!!! I speak to him a lot. Like hell am I chasing him to see me or the DC

@KreedKafer dsis has taken away the option of me and dc having Xmas dinner with my dad though?

@Quizine 100%

Shame on them!

@JayAlfredPrufrock yes we live about 15 mins walk/5 min drive

@AngryBird6122 that's very unkind! I'd call them out.

Can’t you have a second Christmas dinner another day?

i don’t see why we should have to do that. All of us should have as a conversation before they made their plans

I don't think your sister's done much wrong but your dad's out of order. I struggle to understand his mindset though, even his favourite daughter only sees him once every 5 years for Christmas??

I’m not sure that’s really the point.

@@mrsdineen2 he does come back in summer

So you speak to him regularly...but did you ask him about Xmas?
Maybe she just asked him first?

How come you don't normally spend Xmas with your sister? Is that part of why your dad doesn't come? So he doesn't have to choose? Did you invite them to you last year?

Maybe read the OP before you post?