Hubby won’t talk to me

[Gramaphone]

We had a row - usual stuff - I don’t feel appreciated, he goes to the pub too much etc etc
he is notoriously bad at communicating. We have been together 15 years. I realised early on he had difficulty in this area so on the few occasions we fell out I would write down my concerns in an email. He could then slowly read it (dyslexic)and respond and then we usually found a middle ground and alls ok again.
but he has got much worse.
i want to talk but he literally cannot do it.
after yesterday s row I wrote my thoughts in an email and sent it. I clearly said in the email we need to actually voice our concerns. I was in bed as I am actually quite poorly with a chest infection atm.
this morning I got up, he took dog out then went off to do something workwise. He returned after lunch. I sat and said we need to talk. Nothing. He was just scrolling on phone. After 30 minutes of silence I got up and turned the WiFi off. It was 1.45. He put the phone down and I waited…… 2.15…. He walked out. Not a word. I can hear him in garage. It’s now 3.30.
I really don’t know what to do??
aibu expecting him to talk or do I just lock him out?? 😂

You sound like a bit of a bully. Good for him for ignoring you tbh.

Fuck me. If a partner sent me a progress report setting out their concerns and my areas for improvement I’d end the “relationship” so bloody quick their head would spin.

100% this🤣

Also turning the wifi off… are you his mum ?

You turned off the Wi Fi?

Are you anticipating a divorce, because the way you communicate is very, very poor.

And maybe it would have been better if you'd sent him an email detailing the things you really love about him.

I actually cannot believe that OP is being serious. Surely nobody would admit to behaving like this?!

Hes getting you trained into not discussing any concerns. Won't (not cant) discuss, writing worked for a bit, now it doesn't.

I had one like this, back into the sea he went.

Turning the wi-fi off is treating him like a child.

Well, please tell how she is supposed to communicate with someone who absolutely refuses to ?!?

Turning off the wifi or sending twee emails to force someone to communicate with you isn't good.

But i hate sulking and 'not speaking' with a passion too.

I couldn't live with either of you ...

Bloody hell. Why must all arguments be analysed and discussed? You turned off the wi-fi? You aren't his mum. If I were him, I wouldn't bother coming back. You sound ridiculous. You had a row, get over it. It's a new day.

Is this a weird joke? I can’t imagine a life where sending emails with concerns is normal… how bizarre. As for turning the Wi-Fi off to make your husband do what you wanted… ya got issues.

Reverse?

I'm guessing she's supposed to just ignore the silly sausage and his funny ways and forget about it, life's too short to be upset you're not appreciated, today's a new day etc etc

You can't force him to talk. If he doesn't want to talk, he isn't obliged to. There is no way that I would let my boyfriend dictate the precise times that I had to have a conversation with him about our relationship, and if he turned the wifi off to try to force me into it, I'd be making plans to end the relationship.

Also, you say that you had a row, so clearly there was some talking going on there. He presumably told you then that he disagreed with your concerns, so why do you think having a second argument is going to help? It seems to me that when you say "We need to talk and voice our concerns" what you really mean is "We need to talk until you agree that I'm right".

My guess is that he was 'got worse' in this regard because he's sick of being expected to have an inquest, in writing, every time you disagree on something. It's a bit intense.

Interesting that you say you've only ever fallen out 'on the few occasions', but you also say that the row you had was 'the usual stuff' about you feeling unappreciated etc, which makes me wonder if you actually fall a lot more than you're suggesting?!

If you can't communicate with each other, is it worth being in this relationship?

I'm just wondering how you both have time to behave like this on a Monday.

Why should he have to talk if he doesn't want to? Maybe he's fed up of rehashing old arguments. Why does he always have to do with the OP wants?

OP, does he usually go off and ignore you?
If he doesn't talk on a regular basis then it really is a problem. Couples do need to to communicate.
Refusing to speak to you at all can be very damaging. How long does it last? Hours? Days? Longer?
If this is happening, I'm not surprised you've resorted to trying to get through to him as you have (despite what other pp have said - if someone has never been ok the receiving end of of this quite crazy making behaviour, they're really in no position to judge).
If he's ignoring you regularly then for yournown sake, you should consider your future. You don't have to live like that forever.

Refusing to talk and giving the silent treatment, ie sulking, is also behaving like a child, no?

In the form of divorce documents? Doesn't seem like either of them are enjoying this farce and the man has clearly 100% checked out.

Hello, I have a DH who despises having a talk too. I have learned that many men detest confrontation of any kind. They feel guilty and ashamed when we criticize them. So they avoid us. However many women like to share their feelings by complaining . This works for getting empathy from other women. Not so much from men. They don't like hearing what is wrong with them. Surprised? I know, I do it too.

It is much better to find a way to get your message across by being positive and directly asking for what you want.

Please pick up your socks. Could you watch the baby while I go out at 10?
Could you call PIL and ask them what time they are arriving? Turn your thought around and make it positive.

You will have a better chance of getting your needs met. And you won't piss them off. They like to help us when we are not negative.

HTH

I can’t see how this is a relationship anyone would want to be in, from either side. You just don’t sound compatible and probably both need to work on things.

And then put a sticker on his star chart 🤢

Interesting. I frequently see on here how stonewalling/silent treatment is abusive and I’d agree. What is he, 5? If sending an email has previously worked well for them both, why is it not now accepting?