Hubby won’t talk to me

[Gramaphone]

We had a row - usual stuff - I don’t feel appreciated, he goes to the pub too much etc etc
he is notoriously bad at communicating. We have been together 15 years. I realised early on he had difficulty in this area so on the few occasions we fell out I would write down my concerns in an email. He could then slowly read it (dyslexic)and respond and then we usually found a middle ground and alls ok again.
but he has got much worse.
i want to talk but he literally cannot do it.
after yesterday s row I wrote my thoughts in an email and sent it. I clearly said in the email we need to actually voice our concerns. I was in bed as I am actually quite poorly with a chest infection atm.
this morning I got up, he took dog out then went off to do something workwise. He returned after lunch. I sat and said we need to talk. Nothing. He was just scrolling on phone. After 30 minutes of silence I got up and turned the WiFi off. It was 1.45. He put the phone down and I waited…… 2.15…. He walked out. Not a word. I can hear him in garage. It’s now 3.30.
I really don’t know what to do??
aibu expecting him to talk or do I just lock him out?? 😂

I am shocked at some of these replies. I can only assume you’ve never been stonewalled by your partner.

I agree that this relationship doesn’t sound good, and considering ending it doesn’t sound like a bad idea (or attempt therapy and help to see if there is a way forward if you both still want it).

I can sympathise at how frustrating this is OP. If you’re experiencing this a lot, it will really ruin things, but try to keep your own emotions and reactions calm (easier said than done).

I agree that turning off the Wi-Fi isn’t ideal, but people can be worn down by the low level damaging behaviour of their partner that they don’t always behave as rationally as they could if they are in a position to think straight (not easy when your partner won’t speak to you).

I left my husband after he spent years using stonewalling and cold, silent treatment as a method of emotionally punishing me. I wasn’t the best version of myself as a result.
But ignoring your partner is SO damaging to a relationship, and, if used deliberately to cause hurt, is a type of abuse.

Well said, people are focusing on the wifi issue rather than the whole picture which includes 15 years of stonewalling, emotional abuse and frustration.

Are you his wife or his mother?
You sound hard work to be honest and good for him for getting up and leaving maybe you should try the email thing again saying how frustrating you are finding everything and not just the silent treatment. Personally I couldn't live like that .

@Ilovelifeverymuch

Well said, people are focusing on the wifi issue rather than the whole picture which includes 15 years of stonewalling, emotional abuse and frustration

That sort of treatment leads people to behave in particular ways, not all of them healthy. It is useful to recognise that not only do we dislike being mistreated, we may also dislike what we turn into when we are mistreated. Encouraging OP to look at her own behaviour is far from focussing on the wrong thing. Unless you think that OP is an irrelevance, here.

You are wrong to say that people who say this haven't been mistreated or abused themselves. One of the biggest lessons I learned about spotting abuse was that, when being abused or mistreated, I start to behave in ways I normally wouldn't, and don't always like. OP hasn't been back to tell us whether she goes about switching off the wifi when he's treating her well, but I would suspect not.

I think that it is you who are not seeing the big picture, as you are focussing on the fact that solely the abuser behaves in an unusual way. Very very often, the abuse pushes the abused to behave in unusual and sometimes unacceptable ways, too, and this is a useful to the abuser, to make the abused feel guilty and responsible.

Refusing to talk is behaving like a child.

OP, are you sure you want to be in a relationship with someone like this?

I have had a ringside seat watching a similar relationship. Initially he would speak a bit, but as the years (60 of them) have progressed he has become less and less talkative. Outside the home, he has a bit more to say, especially to non family members but at home, grunts and sarcasm are the best you'll get. He's always made the rules and never allows dissent or argument. Grumpy is an adjective used for him, but I think there's more than that. He surely cannot be happy?