Hubby won’t talk to me

[Gramaphone]

We had a row - usual stuff - I don’t feel appreciated, he goes to the pub too much etc etc
he is notoriously bad at communicating. We have been together 15 years. I realised early on he had difficulty in this area so on the few occasions we fell out I would write down my concerns in an email. He could then slowly read it (dyslexic)and respond and then we usually found a middle ground and alls ok again.
but he has got much worse.
i want to talk but he literally cannot do it.
after yesterday s row I wrote my thoughts in an email and sent it. I clearly said in the email we need to actually voice our concerns. I was in bed as I am actually quite poorly with a chest infection atm.
this morning I got up, he took dog out then went off to do something workwise. He returned after lunch. I sat and said we need to talk. Nothing. He was just scrolling on phone. After 30 minutes of silence I got up and turned the WiFi off. It was 1.45. He put the phone down and I waited…… 2.15…. He walked out. Not a word. I can hear him in garage. It’s now 3.30.
I really don’t know what to do??
aibu expecting him to talk or do I just lock him out?? 😂

You sound mis-matched.

You sound like a disciplinarian and he sounds immature and it very much sounds like you don’t like each other at all.

trying to change someone so they see things your way never works, maybe it’s time to end things and try a relationship with someone that has the same communication style and wants the same tone of life you want, it just seems like you are not very compatible

Don't call him hubby then

If dh turned off the Wi-Fi (that we jointly pay for) on me deliberately I would be ending our marriage. That’s so controlling - he’s not a child.

Because it has worked in the past…

I am the type of person that if some one is blasting at me and ranting at me I close up. No matter how much I want to resolve things, I freeze. Usually if we get to this point its because I've missed my meds.
It's clear OP knows her dp/dh struggles to communicate when in a confrontational situation but still instigates a conversation in a confrontational way.
Ltb isn't a solution, she clearly still wants to be with him. Therapy may be better to help them communicate better.
In the heat of the moment I've said some shit even worse than locking my dh out of the house. But I was off my meds and very spacey.
You need to ask yourself when you are rational and calm if you think thiS is worth it. So far for me it's yes.

Was he out every night avoiding family at home or was he out every night entertaining family?

😆

Why on earth would a grown adult need telling to pick their socks up? And why should she walk on egg shells finding the 'right' way to ask him to share childcare? Do you need someone to tell you these things or as an adult, do you just do it? He's an adult man not a child for her to look after!

No. Just the entitled man child variety.
Thankfully many of us are married to actual grown ups who can function as such..

Ignoring is also on the list of controlling behaviours

I feel like the OP got an unnecessarily hard time here- if you haven’t spent decades living with a man who can’t/won’t communicate it’s hard to understand how difficult it can be. 😔

“hmmm…. Bit of a bumper crop of LTB!”

Im not sure where you’re getting LTB from most of the comments on the previous pages are about your behaviour and people not agreeing with it.

Agree …. OP thinks he’s read the email … I’m guessing he probably hasn’t !!

If dh emailed me a list of my failings and turned off the Wi-Fi, I’d be pretty speechless. Is pretty shitty on both sides tbh.

Are you wanting a two way discussion? Or are you wanting him to speak so that you can tell him that he’s wrong?

Dear God learn to talk like an adult, nobody has to communicate with you and clearly right now he doesn't want to.

I get it OP. I think you need to have a long think about this is a relationship that you want to continue to invest in. My DH and I NEVER (well, twice in 23 years) rowed. We NEVER disagreed. We also never communicated effectively. He couldn’t/ would react badly if I tried, and I actually ended up being diagnosed with selective mutism. I eventually ended up, writing him notes/ emails to communicate things that I thought might upset him because I just couldn’t face the stonewalling and silence. People criticising you for writing an email, have obviously never lived with someone like this.
We are now divorced, and I’ve had years of counselling and can now communicate like a “normal” person again, although there are still times when I struggle, if I know that what I need to communicate might not be welcome. Seriously, please get out, and get some help.

Dear God, learn that disparaging imperatives are disrespectful..?

@BillyNotQuiteNoMates i actually had to look at your user name carefully as I thought I'd written the start of your post and forgotten. I'm not divorcing my h because he won't talk to me but because of him not communicating with me - as knew it would be horrible for me to hear - has meant something has happened. I also lost the ability to speak several times due to the stress of his actions and words.

I hope you are okay now ?

Not like that.

StormingNorman - ah!

Well actually, I agree. But a man who refuses to discuss anything, to cmmunicate in any way- can be so frustrating and can push any woman way beyond reason.

it sounds to me like both of you are at the end of your tether and neither of you are good communicators.

How much of a say did he have in your family visiting for a week? If he buggered off to the pub every night, I’m guessing you bulldozed this arrangement and assumed he’d lump it and play happy families. Now you’re pissed off he wasn’t the brilliant host you wanted him to be and are accusing him of neglecting you. I’m thinking he doesn’t communicate because your conversations are more of a telling off and his side of things doesn’t count for much.

You spend years not listening to someone, they’ll stop talking to you.

i actually think you are the controlling one and the only thing he can do to retain any agency is ignore you or remove himself from the situation.

I couldn't have a relationship with someone with such a drastically different communication style to me. Let alone marry them and spend 15 years with them!

This made me laugh. OP literally ignoring every single post saying she's out of order and has basically read that everyone is saying she should LTB?! 😂

Although now makes sense why she has problems communicating and why her DP can't be bothered entering into conversations. Clearly one of these people who thinks she is always right, doesn't believe she has any faults and won't accept she has ever done wrong.