Hubby won’t talk to me

[Gramaphone]

We had a row - usual stuff - I don’t feel appreciated, he goes to the pub too much etc etc
he is notoriously bad at communicating. We have been together 15 years. I realised early on he had difficulty in this area so on the few occasions we fell out I would write down my concerns in an email. He could then slowly read it (dyslexic)and respond and then we usually found a middle ground and alls ok again.
but he has got much worse.
i want to talk but he literally cannot do it.
after yesterday s row I wrote my thoughts in an email and sent it. I clearly said in the email we need to actually voice our concerns. I was in bed as I am actually quite poorly with a chest infection atm.
this morning I got up, he took dog out then went off to do something workwise. He returned after lunch. I sat and said we need to talk. Nothing. He was just scrolling on phone. After 30 minutes of silence I got up and turned the WiFi off. It was 1.45. He put the phone down and I waited…… 2.15…. He walked out. Not a word. I can hear him in garage. It’s now 3.30.
I really don’t know what to do??
aibu expecting him to talk or do I just lock him out?? 😂

This kind of man only gets worse with age OP. You could try training him like a dog like @Whataretalkingabout but who wants to be with someone who needs micromanaging like that?
You either need to accept this is who he is and crack on or leave. If you stay you need to learn to deal with the pub and lack of communication otherwise you are going to end up a seething ball of resentment. No point arguing with someone who doesn't give a shit.

Aren't all men dogs, according to the lot of you?

This ☝️

I don't know why there has been such a pile on the OP. What is she supposed to do if her husband has become non verbal 🙄 I bet he finds his voice in the pub.

I do agree with some PP, is this relationship really worth carrying on? It seems more hassle than it's worth.

Mine isn't, he's got his shit together more than I have!

Why didn't he just get up and turn the wifi back on ?
Turning off wifi doesn't stop people from going on their phones 📱
( not the point, I know)

You're the one who's been talking about men as if they are helpless bumbling imbeciles who can't have a discussion but love a cocktail in the kitchen 🤣🤣

Only the ones that insist on acting like toddlers and need training. Personally I couldn’t be arsed with a man that needed trained to be an adult - you know, without having to be reminded to pick his socks up.

Edited to remind you of this little gem They like to help us when we are not negative. Jesus Christ people actually believe this shit.

😂

Nah. My husband is actually a bear. 🐻

Consider this: posts in AIBU are notoriously posted while glossing over or missing out any bits the OP thinks might reflect negatively on them. This is the best light possible.

Sounds to me like he's just had enough and doesn't want to go round and round again. And, honestly, if my other half's reaction to me not wanting to talk about their emailed list of problems with me for at least the third time is to ask a bunch of Internet strangers if they should lock me out of the house...

Yeah, he should LTB.

Sorry but he sound like a childish idiot.

The silent treatment is a form of abuse and control. Communication is crucial for a relationship.

15 years of frustration will do that.

Then he should leave the relationship if he isn't willing to communicate with his spouse. Are you really trying to claim it's normal for a husband to shut his wife out and not talk at all?

Doesn’t he have mobile data? What’s the point in turning off the wifi?

Op my husband also has dyslexia. He is not the best at communicating either. But the very very last thing I would ever try is sending him an email or any other form of written communication. That would never work for him in a million years it would get me precisely nowhere except making him feel very inadequate.

Wow you have got some weird replies on here! He’s ignoring you and won’t communicate so you put it in writing.. nothing wrong with that! I do the same with my DH sometimes so it doesn’t come out wrong! He sounds like a prick!

Your marriage is over. He's checked out it already. End this sorry saga now.

No he needs to grow up and communicate with his wife.@Gramaphone comes across as woman who is resentful and frustrated after 15 years of a childish selfish idiot as a husband.

I'm amazed that turning WiFi off had any effect does he not have data?

😂
But actually, saying "could you.." is crap. Of course he can, he might not feel like it, though.
Just say "would you.." and mostly he will. No stickers!

Precisely. 😖

I struggled in a relationship with someone I loved whose communication style involved a lot of arguing from an 'I'm right and you're wrong and I want you to admit it' position, which they'd learned from their family. I'd grown up in a family where we would say our piece, try to hear what the other person was saying and take it on board, but there was no 'I need' and 'You must' and right and wrong stuff. We'd state our position but not try and wrestle the other person into submission. I couldn't deal with a combative style of communication. I used to state my position and then go quiet because I couldn't bear what felt like an onslaught. I eventually walked out on the relationship, which seemed to really shock my ex.

Is that how your DH experiences your arguing? It might be worth checking it out with him. Is he really unable to speak to you? How do you generally communicate? Is it just emotional stuff he can't communicate about or is he generally not very verbal? Perhaps, as I did, he's got to the stage of not saying anything because nothing he says will make any difference.

Just a few random thoughts, OP, but they're what came up reading your initial post and your judgment that he's crap at communication and you're good at it. Maybe you just communicate differently. Maybe he's not quiet because he's sulking or being difficult: perhaps he knows already how you feel and he has nothing constructive or useful to say. Sometimes we just have to accept and manage our feelings because there is no common ground or solution.

...what would you call sending a written list of his failures to somebody who's dyslexic, then?

It'd be no different to my OH demanding that I (autistic) make eye contact while yelling at me.

That is, in absolute terms, abuse. She said herself that it takes him ages to read these emails, and I'm not surprised that he's had enough of it.

The key question to ask, though, is none of these things. The OP might have an epiphany if she stops trying to treat him like a child, and asks a simple question: what's different this time?

Do people not have mobile internet? If you turned my wifi off while I was choosing to ignore you I’d just scroll away on 5g 🤣

honestly though, you’ve been together a really long time to be falling out like that over ‘the usual’ arguments, I’m sure he’ll communicate when he’s ready but I wouldn’t force it if he doesn’t want to discuss, enjoy the p&q

I read it as the emailing was after trying multiple options and nothing worked so she resorted to the emails which seemed to have at least got some response.

The wifi yes not right but to me was 15 years of frustration and resentment building up.

You're making it sound like this is a new issue and her first response was email and turn off wifi rather than something she had been dealing with for 15 years.