Self centred people…

[StarbucksQueen1]

I went to a party at the weekend of a friend I have known for about 20 years. She’s recently single and so are a few of her friends, I have been with DH for 16 years and have a child. She’s always been a little bit self absorbed but my god, I didn’t realise how much and how also all of her friends seem the same.. is that because they attract each other?! I actively made conversation with most people, asked questions about work/kids/partners etc but not once did ANYONE ask me anything. I guess I gave information away in those conversations as I’d say ‘Oh my child is 6 for example’ but I was shocked at how bad people are at making conversation!

Do a lot of people just want to be listened to and want to talk without asking questions or is it about me?! When I got home I just thought wow, that was fun… being talked at but seemingly feeling like no one was interested in me!

I have other groups of friends and they’re not like this at all. It made me think I won’t bother making an effort to go to such parties! The taxi alone cost me £40!!

What?!

not sure why you've had that very weird response above but yes, I've experienced this.
People are self absorbed. People are happy to talk about themselves all evening without a single reciprocal thing. Odd.

Thanks for your reply! It’s really weird isn’t it! I didn’t think it was me as my other groups of friends aren’t like this!

Have no idea what the above means!!

I’ve been at parties as the only non parent there and people talk about their kids all evening. So yes I sympathise.

Yeah that’s really boring and yes I’m a parent but I’m happy to talk about other things given it was a rare night out!!

@StarbucksQueen1 I hear you. Being monologued at seems more common now.

I wouldn't expect to be talking about work/kids/partners at a party tbh. Was there loud music? I dont think that setting is the place for conversation like that. But maybe that's just me. However, in a quieter setting, I totally would ask back if someone asked me. Some people I find are a bit nosey though and ask a lot of questions where it doesn't seem necessary (I'm not suggesting you done this, but if you're always getting this feeling from people maybe there's something in it).

I think many people have really lost a lot of their social skills because of Covid and also the internet/mobile phones. We're just not as used to mingling and making conversation in person anymore and it shows.

Surely that’s how you make conversation?! No it wasn’t loud music really no. I used work/kids/partner as an example! I know what you mean as in too many questions but I don’t mean I bombarded them all at once! They were certainly happy to chat excessively about themselves.
As I said, my other group of friends aren’t this way! Just kind of expected a more reciprocal convo!

I had a boring admin job and often had people quizzing me at length about it. They weren’t content being told what I did and where. I think they wanted to know how senior I was but didn’t like to ask directly!

Conversation isn’t so much about repetitively asking each other questions as it is following how the conversation is moving as to where you can add something to it. Most people don’t wait to be asked a specific question, they’re just intuitive about taking cues. If you’re not doing that then you’re probably coming across as not having much to say.

I'd hate to have questions fired at me about my job, life etc. I wouldn't really class that as a conversation.

How would you have a conversation with a stranger then?

Yes of course its how you make conversation, I was just stating that loud music at a party isn't the best setting for it. Also, a lot of people are just happy to go with the flow rather than questions and answers, depends on what's happening, dancing, laughing, or sitting quietly trying to fill blanks.

YABU

Surely people talked aboot something, right?
You wanted to talk about work/partners/kids, those are the most boring topics I can think of and would do my best to avoid you / talking about it more.
Abd I would wonder why you were telling me you have a kid and why would I care about their age.

Next time, pay attention to what others are talking about, engage and don’t be a drag and talk about work/family, if other people are trying to have a good time.
No need to be all stuck up thinking other’s are self centered, when you’re only thinking (very highly it seems) and talking about yourself 😉

Well you’re a delight!
Yeah I think so highly of myself hence being interested in other people! Sorry if work, kids, partners etc are how you get to know someone! The reason I told them about my child was I was shocked she had children as she looked so young yet had an 18 year old and I said wow mine is 6. Not that I needed to explain myself to you!

Ps what do you enjoy talking about?

Wow you've had some odd responses on this thread!

The last party I went to I spent the whole time talking about Kate Middleton conspiracies and my friends work drama but there were 6 of us who are all good friends and don't really need the small talk. I made small talk with other people about work/studies/kids - its normal isn't it?!

If i was at a party with less established friends I would stick to small talk I think!

I don't get the funny responses to this.

I've definitely been in groups, not good friends, where people show zero interest in me, just want to bang about themselves, and it's very disheartening. I had to listen to two men going on and on about tarmac the other week.

Conversation is a dying art for some.

Very strange responses here. YANBU. I hate evenings where one person dominates the conversation and is deluded enough to think people are happy to listen to that level of detail/ long stories about achievements etc. It works much better when the conversation goes to and fro. It’s not even as if I want to talk about myself a lot; it’s just nice to think someone might be interested rather than just going on incessantly about themselves.

I could be one of those people. I don't think it's that I'm self centred, I don't like appearing nosy by asking personal questions.

Bloody hell. How rude.

Ignore this poster op. They seem to take great joy in behaving like an utter see you next Tuesday on many threads.

I think birds of a feather flock together op. It must be exhausting being them as I imagine they just talk at each other all the time.