To think being happy with a modest home should the norm?

[DinDinDin]

Obv it depends on where you live and your income etc but pretty much every person I know either lives in a big house or is trying to trade up a modest home to try and upgrade for a bigger place. Some of these people can easily afford it whilst others are overstretching themselves to make it work. AIBU to think we are all (myself included) a bit too sucked into this upgrade mentality anf the fact that we always strive to have more stuff? I am facing the (very fortunate) dilemma of deciding whether to borrow the very maximum I can afford and stretch for a bigger home or choose a more modest option and aim to pay off the mortgage faster and be debt free sooner in life.
Do you notice the same attitude with people around you?

Yes I agree.

We could and some would say should upgrade, we bought our 3 bed home 14 yrs ago for under £100k when our household income was under £50k, now our income has tripled, our costs reduced because we don't have nursery, and we have a decent amount of equity in the house.

But we don't need to. We like the area, we like the schools, we like the house. We're doing some refurbs and finally getting things like the bathroom replaced but the house is enough for us. Bigger would mean more cleaning and more stuff.

YANBU. In the days of almost guaranteed house price rises, it made sense to stretch yourself when buying a house because you would end up with an asset worth more. But now that house price inflation is uncertain and may be stagnant or negative, it's not a sensible idea.

Depends what suits your lifestyle. If you have kids that want to learn the drums, getting a detached house with good sound proofing makes sense. If you like gardening, get a house with a garden. I have a big house as I have lots of kids and I don’t want them sharing. I don’t know anyone who has bought a big house just to show off.

What's a modest home? It's not a great quality of life if you have 3 kids in a typical UK 2.5 bedroom home and a parent needs to work from home. Even with 2 kids that's a squeeze.
Uk has stupid modest homes. Homes should be bigger than that for an average family.

Your view of modest may be completely different to mine. You may be happy in a terrace, but I may feel I need a detached house so my dogs don’t annoy the neighbours. Equally your terrace might be worth 5 times my country cottage because you choose to live in Clapham. One size doesn’t fit all…neither does the definition of modest

I am in my fifties.

Of all our friends that could upgrade we stayed in the more modest home, a nice 3 bed semi, everyone else upgraded to four bed detached minimum with a few having way above average housing stock. DH cousin lives in what is pretty much a mansion and another friend has a couple of acres as their garden. We spent money on fab holidays many a road trip across America and France plus cruises. Unusually we paid off our mortgage in our mid and late thirties. We had an investment pay out so mortgage was paid off in 5 years, no penalty either.

We are also not buyers of stuff. I remember we were the last to get a flat screen tv as our other one was working fine. We never replace stuff unless broken or worn out. We do buy very good quality.

We will both be retired before 60. DH could retire now at 55 but has a massive project that he wants to run to its conclusion.

I'm a great deal happier in a modest home, by which I mean sufficient for our needs without excess, be that in space or 'luxury', and using the money I would have spent on extra square footage to have fun and experiences. Downsizing to do just that in my late 30s was the best decision I made for my family. The conclusion that all we needed was sufficient space for privacy and comfort, that most of our lives were spent outside it, and that I could only sit in one room at a time, so why have a lot of empty ones around us, was very liberating. Not to mention less time wasted on keeping it clean and better for the environment. We are a family that tends to congregate together in one room from choice though. If it's important to people to be able to be alone, then I guess they would prioritise differently.

Define modest?

Human society has always moved to more/better, so in one way it is expected, but the pressure is often self-defeating in terms of what actually makes a good life.

I think on a deeper level though, this is just human nature isn’t it. We are always striving for the next thing, always moving forward.
It’s why we’ve been to the moon and climbed Everest. It’s why people get in dinghies to cross oceans.
We are always trying to take the next step.
This is it on a micro level (and of course, NAHALT).

I agree most uk homes are far too small

We have always lived in smaller spaces. Less maintenance,less cleaning, and more free money to eat out and travel. Quality of life is important. I don't need to impress anyone.

Yanbu.
We moved three years ago and we could have taken double the mortgage that we did.
Why would we though? The kids have left home so three bedrooms is more than enough. We moved to a much nicer area.
Would rather go out and have nice holidays and be able to retire earlier.
I think too many people take up to the maximum they are offered.

I blame Kirsty and Phil, who pretty much convinced a lot of people that you have to keep climbing the "property ladder" (I hate that phrase) and that kids need not only a vast bedroom each but also a "playroom".

There's definitely a mentality amongst people I know to stretch beyond their means, and I feel sometimes myself and DH get looked down on for buying something that was "adequate". We had paid off the mortgage by 40 and have never had to worry about money as a result.

I've got one friend who upgraded to a massive place, had lots of parties to show it off then had to downsize after a couple of years because they couldn't afford the bills. Another had paid off their mortgage a few years before taking out another one to buy a bigger house just their dc were planning to leave home, which seemed to make no sense.

I suppose people just have different priorities. We travel lots and have saved for an early retirement rather than have a fancy house but I do sometimes wish I had the sort of house where we could have people stay without feeling overcrowded!

I live in a town where there are many wannabes. You have to live in the latest new build scheme, drive and Audi or BMW, go to Dubai on holiday etc. Very entitled kids.

I have no desire for any of that. We live in a 2 bedroom house which is amply big enough for us in a beautiful area very close to the sea. Some friends cant' understand why I don't have any interest in their way of life.

I’d say the biggest house is better as in the U.K. for most of us, our house is our pension. I saw how hard it was for my aunt who never upgraded from her one bed flat, lived her best life with holidays etc, but what she was left with in her old age was rubbish.
id like a bigger house to in later years I can downsize, pass my kids a deposit and buy me a smaller home.

I’d say a smaller home and money for holidays and unexpected events is better. I’ve seen people lose homes due to unexpected medical problems, as nothing is certain.

I read an interesting article at the weekend on how all the gains they are making in terms of energy conservation in German housing are counterbalanced by the fact that people are now occupying more space

https://www.politico.eu/article/germanys-energy-efficiency-open-windows-ventilation/

But there was another takeaway too. Design of housing matters. I felt much less cramped living in well designed apartments in Amsterdam (with designated separate storage) than in larger apartments in Ireland.

I do think the housing thing can be an instinct to examine. "Stuff" is generally getting smaller. Families too. You put a lot of money in other people's pockets when you keep upgrading.

I chose a smaller house than I can afford and I feel it's given my a decade of lower stress life, choices about work. People can make other choices but it's good to go in with your eyes open.

We moved into a bigger house from being almost mortage free, to taking on a fairly hefty mortgage.

I freaking love our house. DH and I have a study each, our kids have a playroom, we have a lovely front room, gorgeous kitchen diner and a garden that's just the right size. We spend huge amounts of time at home, so why wouldn't I spend a large amount of money on it?

We'll probably downsize at some point, but it's big enough that our kids can live here as long as they need to without getting under our feet.

That said, we don't have flash cars, or spend loads on holidays/eating out etc. Our major expenses are the house and extra curricular activities for the children.

That's the best case scenario - that you can afford all of those things. But how many can? And in practice, how many pensioners want to downsize away from their community?

I'd rather choose my small house now and have the flexibility.

I supppse the question is, “why”? If some people want to stretch their finances for a bigger mortgage then that’s up to them - just as it’s up to them if they choose to stretch their finances by having three children rather than one or two, or by choosing to work part time or in a less stressful but lower paid job, or by running a car when they could do the majority of their trips on foot or by public transport. It really is a “you do you” issue.

I love my small house. It's cheap to run, quick to clean and tidy and in a great location.

She didn’t want to leave- she had to because up to her flat had stairs- the issue was you can’t downsize from a small flat and stay in the same area, there was no give in her budget (she’d already equity released to supplement her income).
if you don’t have money in your home then you better have some great savings or investments in old age.

We are the same. Still living in the three bed semi we bought as our first marital home 34 years ago. We could have stretched ourselves further but chose not to. As three bed semis go it’s a nice one, but modest as Mumsnet homes seem to go. We are now mortgage free and retired. I’d much rather have spare cash for holidays and fun than a huge house and no spare cash.

I think people are mad to overstretch themselves but I love having a detached house where I don't have to worry about noisy neighbours, a drive so no parking issues and a garden to enjoy in summer.

If I had to choose I'd go for a smaller house with no mortgage over a larger house with a mortgage (we're lucky to have paid off our mortgage because of when we bought our house). But we only have one DC so a smaller house would be fine.