To think being happy with a modest home should the norm?

[DinDinDin]

Obv it depends on where you live and your income etc but pretty much every person I know either lives in a big house or is trying to trade up a modest home to try and upgrade for a bigger place. Some of these people can easily afford it whilst others are overstretching themselves to make it work. AIBU to think we are all (myself included) a bit too sucked into this upgrade mentality anf the fact that we always strive to have more stuff? I am facing the (very fortunate) dilemma of deciding whether to borrow the very maximum I can afford and stretch for a bigger home or choose a more modest option and aim to pay off the mortgage faster and be debt free sooner in life.
Do you notice the same attitude with people around you?

There's a swedish word which loosely translated means enough. I think we could do with adopting a bit of that, but also as a pp mentioned, design isn't great.

I bought my two-bed mid-terrace in 2002 and moved once. I forfeited my garden and yard for a three-bed mid-terrace for the same price I sold my two-bed in 2009. Now mortgage-free.
Living there with hubby, two teenagers and a dog, and one bathroom (downstairs), wouldn't change it for the world. I love it. Both my siblings upgraded, their homes are lovely but they are mortgaged to the high heavens for it, but everything has a price. My sister has many aspirations, I alternatively seek contentment and I'm happy with my lot seeking challenges elsewhere that don't cost as much as a home upgrade, it does have its benefits. I have been able to change careers due to my modest lifestyle, my sister would struggle with this due to financial commitments, but loves her bigger house.

I suppose it depends on what you want out of life and what you're prepared to compromise to get it.

To be fair, most people in my circle have cottoned on to the fact that property can be a great investment and we are all climbing the ladder by buying, renovating to some extent and selling for a profit. We are all doing it for the future financial benefits rather than wishing to keep up with the Joneses. Travelling and experiences don’t usually make you money. We have enough equity in our property now in our 30’s to downsize and buy a property mortgage free. If we keep going as we are we should be able to do the same for our children as well.

If I can afford a better house which suits my needs it frees up this one for someone whose needs it might suit?

As soon as I am able to I’m selling mine a life’s too short to live in a house that’s wrong for you. I work hard and ain’t living in a shit cramped house with half a drive.

Agree. I also don;t get families who keep having kids, then complain and whinge they want a bigger house only after the fact they've had these kids but they're stuck for years on the waiting list.

I think English houses are very small, the bedrooms are miniscule, you can barely fit a wardrobe and a bed, so it's not surprising people are after space. However, when buying our house we went for a mortgage we could still pay off should one of us become unemployed. I think borrowing maximum amount is very risky.

We have a 5 bed house, large garden and playrooms etc. It isn't the biggest house in terms of the kids school group but nor is it the smallest. It has two studies, handy for WFH.

We worked our arses off in the city years ago and so bought with a 40% LTV mortgage and it's modest in terms of our outgoings. We can still afford nice holidays and weekends away / meals out. We also have decent pension provision and will have retired by 60. We don't have to watch the pennies, I can order what I like online but we are frugal in that we don't spend loads on cars and things that swiftly depreciate. I shop on Vinted where I can.

I recognise we are lucky.

But I also think life is for living and if you can be comfortable in a larger home and not live on credit / over extend yourself and still retire early, why live somewhere small for the sake of it?

I agree op but everyone has different priorities.

We moved back 'home' a few years ago and sold our 3 bed house in the SE and bought current home (half the price but still a 3 bed). We could've bought a big house based on the calculations of our last house or even increased mortgage even more. We decided we were happy with the 3 bed and bought it mortgage free at 37. We don't ever foresee us moving as this house is perfect for us. We won't be downsizing so this house isn't our pension. Instead of paying for a mortgage we've increase our pension contributions, ISA and opened a LISA. We also have no debts and can afford a great lifestyle.

I see friends upgrading and think they're crazy to increase mortgage when they don't 'need' to. Each to their own.

We've bought 2 houses in our lives, and we only ever buy taking only one salary into consideration, so if one of us loses our job we can still afford to live in the house. We moved out of our first house to rent because of work which was far away, and this house we are in now is our forever home, 3 bed detached bungalow. Its a little on the small side for our needs at the moment having 3 DC, they all share a room and we use the other bedroom as an office/library/study.

I am so glad we went with the above approach, as DH had an accident at work last year and is now disabled, he will be losing his job next month to ill health retirement - we don't know at this point if he will ever work again. Fortunately we can afford to live on just my wage. No one knows what is around the corner.

Horses for courses, I guess

A larger house gives space for eg multi generational living, live in carers etc

the UK housing threads are fascinating to me (USA). Who owns those fabulous country homes featured in the British country living? How about the fabulous mew houses featured in “pretty city London”? Op housing is different in the US and yet not. I built my house in 1999. I held onto it by my fingernails while a single parent and now own it mortgage free but I have calculated I work one day a week to pay for taxes/insurance/maintenance. Not one of my original neighbors remain having all moved to either newer bigger and many “redid” kitchens and baths before moving. It’s an endless endless cycle of buying decorating organizing and maintaining. So glad I don’t have more to maintain/clean/update. My house is lovely but according to Instagram every inch is out of style. Staying put worked and works for me.

@StrictlyAFemaleFemale I'm fascinated to know what the word is? Could we be using it and create the new 'hygge'?

yeah we live in a 2 bed flat with 2nd child on the way ! no desire to get a bigger house really! we live in zone 2 in london, don't need a car, have a massive communal back garden, walking distance to 4 brilliant parks, loads of supermarkets on the doorstep, daughters nursery 5 min walk - school we hope she will go to - less than 10 mins away

Id take all this over a bigger house any day

Lagom. I'm bored of hearing about hygge so please go forth and spread the word!

My motto is "buy the most affordable property you'd be proud to call home".

We've done that every time and are very happy in our current home, which I'm proud to walk up the road towards and only costs us £500 a month in mortgage payments.

BUT it is a 4-bed detached house and there are only 2 of us, and the first question anyone asked when we were moving is "are you going to put an extension on?". Why on earth would we need more space!!?

Five years ago, I decided to sell our 4-bed 70's build semi for a 4-bed detached character property because it had much bigger bedrooms for the kids and a much bigger garden for them to play in.

Also, I knew that with house prices going up, my salary would simply get me less if I held on any longer. So, I took the jump and doubled my mortgage.

This is in the South-East, so it was pretty painful in terms of the size of mortgage required.

I took the view that my career was on the up and that in a few years time, with a couple of pay rises, it'd be less painful.

Well, that plan was completely scuppered by COVID where I lost 30% of my income, a change of CEO at work forced me out of my job. We have had a very tight couple of years.

Things are settling down now, and financially, things are healing up quite nicely. I've still got a way to go yet until things are more comfortable, but it's getting there.

I've had many conversations with DP about whether we've made a huge mistake or not, but I think we're OK. I made an assumption that if house prices rose by 5%, then you'd make more money on a bigger house because 5% of a bigger number is bigger than 5% of a smaller one, if you see what I mean. That concept seems to have worked as we appear to have nearly enough equity in the house now to be able to downsize back to our previous size of house and be only need a £50k mortgage. In two years time, we could do just that and be mortgage free.

I'm treating this house as a savings account. When we retire, we'll downsize, free up a ton of cash (in theory) and give the kids deposits for their own places.

There was always talk about a housing ladder, and I was conditioned to think that it was important to climb the rungs. I still think it's a good idea because I think having that ability to downsize somewhat insulates you in the event of a major life event such as illness, job loss etc.

Its personal choice, we could be seen to have stretched ourselves by moving 2 years ago but it's what we enjoy, renovating properly in our spare time, yes we have had to cut in other areas, I sold my car and got a cheaper one, not because I had to but I'd rather spend the money on my house. Our plan is to make money over the next 15 years then look to downsize and be mortgage free with a nice lump sum alongside to supplement living and helping the kids out.

It’s all consumerism isn’t it really. I mean beyond having somewhere that suits your needs and is affordable… We’re all sucked into it in the West.

Interesting my PIL who have never upsized recently said they wished they had done so now seeing what we have done

I think you’re right and my social circle is similar. Myself included. But I think it’s a good thing, to keep striving for bigger and better. I wouldn’t over stretch myself but my parents always told me that they were told by an estate agent in the 1980s to make the biggest jumps possible when moving. I’ve always done that, and it’s massively paid off for us. We’ve made hundreds of thousands in profit which has allowed us to keep moving up. For me, my home really is my castle and I’ve always loved where I live. Holidays are great, but I’d always plough more money in to property.

I think it’s easy to succumb to peer pressure. Thankfully, my friends are all content and non competitive. We loved our old 3 bed house with a little garden. Mil would regularly comment on its size but it was a very happy and manageable home. We moved because my second pregnancy was twins and by the age of 5 they had different sleep needs. Our finances were good so we moved to a 4 bed with a garden. We are now earning much more but the next house would be bigger or “full of character” and both need much more effort too maintain. I’d rather stay here and feel comfortable, being able to book holidays. I can imagine if all our friends were moving to their next houses we could end up moving too but overall I think I’m too lazy and know how fragile financial security can be.

For us, the PPR on a residential home means it makes more sense to stretch ourselves for our family home. We get the benefit of a larger space while the dcs are young, then we can downsize with tax-free gains to help the dcs with a deposit and other costs of adulthood. We're in London zone 2 and historically larger homes around here have made larger proportional gains than smaller homes - we plan to stay here for 15+ years and houses have doubled in value or more over that period while flats and smaller houses have gone up much less.

You don’t know anyone who lives in a house far far bigger than they need? Really??

OP, YANBU. We stretched ourselves for a big house and I truly wish we hadn’t. It is what it is and we’re stuck now but totally agree with you.

I think I would like to upgrade to what some posters call a "modest home" 😂.

And I am compeltely envious of those with the financial means to move up the ladder!

And we have two sets of friends who’ve bought 5 bedroom houses now their kids have left home - I find it totally baffling!