To think being happy with a modest home should the norm?

[DinDinDin]

Obv it depends on where you live and your income etc but pretty much every person I know either lives in a big house or is trying to trade up a modest home to try and upgrade for a bigger place. Some of these people can easily afford it whilst others are overstretching themselves to make it work. AIBU to think we are all (myself included) a bit too sucked into this upgrade mentality anf the fact that we always strive to have more stuff? I am facing the (very fortunate) dilemma of deciding whether to borrow the very maximum I can afford and stretch for a bigger home or choose a more modest option and aim to pay off the mortgage faster and be debt free sooner in life.
Do you notice the same attitude with people around you?

This ^^

I think more modest homes ARE the norm for the majority of people. It only seems to be on Mumsnet that people have huge incomes and large mortgages.

I love my little home but what I don't love is being attached to neighbours. It doesn't matter how well you keep your home if you have filthy neighbours it is possible you will suffer from their infestations, bad smells, noise, dogs etc.

There is also the risk of fire, in my own home I can take every precaution against fire but if one of my neighbours doesn't then I still risk losing my home and belongings. I have family in terraced housing and the neighbour 2 doors down had a massive house fire from an electric bike battery they were charging. The fire destroyed that home totally and the homes either side were also badly damaged by smoke and water so much so that those families lost most of their belongings and were not able to move back into their homes for about 6 months. Even my family member suffered substantial damage to their home and belongings from smoke and had to move out for a period of time until it was made safe and repaired. Many of their belongings has to be thrown away also.

So for this reason I'd live in a detached house.

We bought 10 years ago thinking we’d probably live in our 2 bed end of terrace for a few years then move. But we’ve not and have no plans to now, our house is modest but we have a lovely big garden and it’s in a great area. There are only 2 of us and although we’d like a little more space at times we don’t need it. We did look a few years ago but I’m glad we didn’t go through with it after the interest rate rises! Had we moved we’d have much less money for fun. I know we won’t be able to move in old age and release money from our house but very content where we are!

Somehow this gets lost on so many people born before 1975

I said in another thread that mine and DP’s combined income is £130K and we still aren’t able to buy a 2.5 bed terraced in zone 5/6 and got one response “you can’t be serious! What you can’t afford is you dream life!” - not sure what part of 2.5 bed terrace in zone 6 is a dream life but hey. Someone else had said their mother’s wages covered the mortgage and their father didn’t earn much. So I said my £43K a year wouldn’t cover the mortgage, we’d need a £500 top up. Got told I should’ve waited to have children (1 DC 18months, I’m 36).

but yeah tell me about people wanting to upsize and how it might be a generational thing

Yanbu! We are going through this now… our current house is 1100 sq feet but I want bigger!

Fortunately though we viewed some of these bigger places and it made me realise we are quite happy with our current space. The extra space plus bigger mortgage just made me think it’s not worth it, but that original pressure for a bigger house must’ve come from somewhere.

Being mortgage free at any time before I hit the grave isn’t even a dream of mine as I’d need to get a mortgage in the first place 🤣

I think that so long as you have a home that meets your needs/desires within reason, you're fine. We bought a 3 bed semi and moved to a detached 4 bed when our first baby was born. We've been here 26 years with no desire really to trade up. We like the house, like the location, and the kids are grown up. I don't want to downsize either though, unless forced to later in life.

I like having a detached house, fewer neighbour issues, our own parking, garden front and rear.

So all the big houses sit empty and probably end up getting sold to developers and turned into flats;

The people who can afford the big houses sit smugly in their “modest” homes and congratulate themselves on being so sensible and clever;

The people desperate to get out of their cramped flats or smaller-than-modest houses are supposed to go where exactly?

Our house is worth less than one year’s pre-tax joint salary. We paid it off in full before our DC arrived.

We could easily afford to buy a property worth 3 times a much but don’t see the point. We have no money worries whatsoever and that includes paying private school fees. Why would we give that up to buy a property that is bigger than we really need?

Average house size in the UK is apparently about 70sqm. So in reality, that means almost everyone does live in a modestly sized house.

No - the people I know can easily afford to live in large houses and are not drowning in debt trying to keep up with someone much wealthier than they are.

I can see the attraction of a bigger home but happy with my average terrace. The running costs are fairly manageable and there's money left over for other things. Moving costs too for example stamp duty.
I'm also not into DIY and maintenance and detached and semi-detached properties generally have a bigger footprint so more to do.

Some of these responses show stark choices. Larger houses only come at the expense of lifestyle as no money left over for anything else. That’s never a good idea.

but if you wish a larger home, can afford it, without sacrificing things like holidays etc, then long term its good to put your money into your home . Plus we spend much more of our time in our homes than we do on holiday or whatever.

Basically yes.. but some UK new builds are mean rabbit hutches, so in that case, no.

They stay in their flats sipping lattes and eating avocado on toast

YANBU. "Modest" obviously varies according to your circumstances but it's liberating to separate out your own desires from the things a capitalist, materialistic society tells you that you should want.

DP and I bought a house that fits us, a small house in the city. I don't want a bigger property. I don't want to move "up" the "housing ladder" because it's a bullshit concept of no importance to me. A bigger house in the countryside would be a step backwards for me.

I would probably quietly look down on anyone who actually bought into that "keeping up with the Joneses" mentality but I haven't made friends with anyone like that as an adult.

For me, it's not about being content with a modest home, but simply being content with what we have (stuff, house and income).

I do try to be content with our income, and budget carefully to use this wisely. We don't use a lot of credit and we don't buy expensive things on a whim. Despite the ads, we don't always need the newest/greatest/brightest thing.

It's being content that our modest home is what we can afford and therefore it is enough. We don't have to overstretch ourselves financially because we're told we should upsize our home (or are expected to do so).

I wholeheartedly agree you, OP. We bought a modest three bed terraced house 12 years ago, did it up and then added a fourth bedroom and en-suite in the loft. It’s got a small garden and no parking, but it’s in a lovely conservation area and we are 5 years off being mortgage free. It’s hard not to feel like it’s an essential next step to move up to a larger four or five bed house with a bigger garden, garage, utility room and a drive way, but to do that right now we’d probably need a £300k+ mortgage and a chunk of cash for stamp duty and renovations. Our house is very nice, warm, secure, economical to run etc and we have space for two kids, spare room/home office etc. no reason to move besides wanting more.

I do occasionally look at a larger garden or a nice kitchen/utility room wistfully BUT I remind myself that I am unlikely to be lying on my deathbed mourning the driveway and utility room I never had. I’d much rather travel, set up the kids with savings and investments, have a good pension, pay fees for school if needed.

I kind of agree with you. However I think property in the UK is generally so overpriced that people have to stretch themselves for even modest homes.

So I can why sometimes people sometimes stretch themselves a bit more for something they’d like more.

Because the choice isn’t between “modest home I can comfortably afford” and “huge house I have to stretch to” but between “small home I have to stretch uncomfortably for” and “slightly less small home I have to be a bit more uncomfortable financially to affird but I’m not going to be comfortable anyway so at least I’ll like my living room”.

Erm , born in 1974 here and didn't get any of the above either. My brother, born in 1972, went to uni at 18 and was the first year that didn't get grants. Your sentiment is right though.

the choice isn’t between “modest home I can comfortably afford” and “huge house I have to stretch to” but between “small home I have to stretch uncomfortably for” and “slightly less small home I have to be a bit more uncomfortable financially to affird but I’m not going to be comfortable anyway so at least I’ll like my living room”.

Exactly. Home owners and renters aren't struggling because they've wantonly bought massive mansions. They're struggling because UK housing is overpriced and poor quality and because they're dealing with stratospheric interest rate rises and inflation at the end of a 16 year period of wage deflation.

I thought this was going to be about not feeling pressure to get kitchens and bathrooms redone, constantly redecorating etc. That's what I'd call a modest home.

But you mean small, cramped, low quality housing. Not enough space for children to play. Probably in an area with struggling schools. That's not 'modest', that's just poor quality of life when you have a family.

Although we live in a bigger house, I also don’t understand the obsession with big houses (DH got the house before we met and I moved to his country). I’d happily live in a 2 bed flat (pay management fee and everything is taken care of - I don’t have to worry about mowing the lawn, shovelling snow etc ); comparatively for me houses are a hassle.

a lot of celebs seem to equate success with a big house - often to the eventual detriment of their financial wellbeing. Look at bankrupts Katie Price and Kerry Katona.