To think being happy with a modest home should the norm?

[DinDinDin]

Obv it depends on where you live and your income etc but pretty much every person I know either lives in a big house or is trying to trade up a modest home to try and upgrade for a bigger place. Some of these people can easily afford it whilst others are overstretching themselves to make it work. AIBU to think we are all (myself included) a bit too sucked into this upgrade mentality anf the fact that we always strive to have more stuff? I am facing the (very fortunate) dilemma of deciding whether to borrow the very maximum I can afford and stretch for a bigger home or choose a more modest option and aim to pay off the mortgage faster and be debt free sooner in life.
Do you notice the same attitude with people around you?

Meh, we plan on having 2 children.
We looked for a long time for a 3 or 4 bed, but we were out bid on them all at closing date (Scottish system). The competition was wild, eg 20% over asking and still only 4th highest offer.

We could afford more so looked at the next price bracket and found a large 5 bed B&B, with 3 reception rooms, nice garden in a lovely area and were the only bidders.

If the people who can afford the larger properties stick to more modest houses, surely that just means there is more competition for those who can only afford a modest house?

@Lavenderandbrown The incredibly well off.

DH family were wealthy and he was raised in a gorgeous house. His Mother was raised in an exceptional house, the sort you are asking about though, it had tennis courts with oak lined walls downstairs. It last sold for 2 million about 15 years ago. His Grandfather was a top civil servant and an adviser to the Government. Previous to that his Grandmothers family home was in the countryside with a few acres. Very much generational wealth though misfortune meant his family lost most of it in the 1980’s recession when he was a teenager.

The lovely house his Mother was raised in when it came up for sale well she was very upset as the occupants had ripped out all the all oak lined walls and it looked very flash and garish.

We chose the modest home (relatively speaking) over twice the price to be able to retire early

'Can', not 'will'. Two different things.
Those who bought property a long time ago and held on have done well. So have those who bought just before the boom and made a pretty penny 'doing it up' in the Covid years when prices spiralled out of controlled.
There's been a drop since, and quite a few people have found themselves stuck having wasted so much on a 'dream house' that's too small because they didn't complete it quick enough to sell at the right moment.

Furthermore, in times of financial stress bigger house prices drop by larger percentage points. Because people stay put instead of upsizing.

OP, I think PP's explanation is the reason and it was good while it lasted, but not necessarily a guarantee.

Personally I'd rather invest in other things. I'd stretch for a good area but not 'detached'. Currently we're in a nice, spacious 4 bed semi in the 'naice' bit of an 'ok' town, with mixed areas. I'd sell up to move to a 3 bed, smaller semi in a naice town, but not for a bigger house. This has more than enough room!

I do think it can be a status symbol because DH dreams of a 5 bed, but he has a large man cave already and spends a lot of time there.LOL.

Travelling and experiences don’t usually make you money.

But they do make great memories. Which are priceless. Depends in your priorities I suppose.

We live in a modest home and we love it. It’s actually an ex local authority house on a road of its own in the middle of an area with quite big houses. Most people own these now and compared with the similar sized newer houses on the ‘posher’ estate a bit further along, ours have bigger rooms and bigger gardens and seem solidly built. It cost us £106k and when our current fixed rate (2.39%) ends in 2030, it’ll be just about paid off. Our mortgage is £490 a month.

We looked at more expensive options a few years ago to ‘upgrade’ to but decided against it and the fact we have what we have has meant I’ve been able to give up work because of my health without it causing us any issues financially. We also have a fantastic quality of life (well, health permitting) because of our low costs. I wouldn’t swap it for anything.

On the other side, DH’s brother and his wife who have a combined similar income to that of DH’s have decided to move and they’re looking at houses that are going to cost them approximately £1000 per month for the next 30 years (assuming rates stay as they are now), which will take my BIL to age 74! They have a small house currently so I understand the desire for upgrading a bit but they seem to be going a bit too far. Their decision of course but I wouldn’t like to be that stretched.

Yeah none of my friends went for a little starter home which me and DP did. They skipped a few homes and went straight to the massive detached 4/5 bedroom with a driveway house that's stretched them massively. Me and DP bought our new house 2 years ago and it's a small 3 bed but absolutely perfect for us. If we had a bigger house it would just cost more to run and we'd fill it with shite we don't need. I know our friends think we're strange for buying our house though and can't understand it but I find their way of thinking strange!

@ViciousCurrentBun thanks for the reply. The female always seems to have a decorating job or small firm with often small children pictured and male is never pictured but seems like finance background. AND the house is fabulously decorated which is another 100k or more. One featured monthly so I guess it’s out there but I’m always surprised if they feature an older couple because they lean towards young family ( and the narrative always includes .space for the young family blah blah) and I think what?!!! Young family can afford that?

I completely agree. When we moved to our current house (5 bed semi) the first thing my BIL said when he came to look round was "I suppose your next move will be the big detached house with the big garden". We laughed at him. This is the biggest we are going and when the kids leave home we will downsize again. Houses are a money pit, we want a decent life not pointless empty rooms to dust!

All things relative, we have a very modest house for the amount of money we have. However, it's big enough, we're making it fit our needs through a little renovation, we're close to family and friends, we have no mortgage, a substantial amount invested and locked away for the future, and plenty of money to pay for private school, and for our hobbies and holidays. The list goes on.

If we traded it for something a bit bigger, with a bit more land, space, maybe an extra couple of bedrooms and bathrooms, some outbuildings, we'd be eating into alot of that.

After a certain point, bigger is not better. I speak from experience! It’s lovely to have the space you need for your family, but beyond that is just more space to clean and tidy, you accumulate more unnecessary stuff, maintenance and running costs are higher and tradesman get pound signs in their eyes when they come and quote for stuff!

We did an ‘extra’ move 11 years ago, it was our fourth house and not at all necessary but I loved it and really thought it would enhance my life which it has. If I could design a house it would exactly like the one I live in now.

The house has gone up loads in value and we will downsize in 5 years and help out youngest two DC get on the property ladder.

We borrowed the extra money on an interest only basis which cost an extremely affordable £140 extra per month and then cleared the amount a couple of years ago.

What do you mean by modest? Compared to the little terraced houses not far from me my house is huge. Compared to the million pound mansion that’s just gone up for sale 15 minutes drive away my house is tiny. Everything’s relative!

I agree. If you are stretched do not do it.

I know someone in a semi that could upgrade as they are a multi millionaire but chose not to. I am not sure why exactly but they do have a home abroad too.

Although as we are more of an indoor nation due to weather, having a big home is a big plus.

My modest 3 bed house ( actually in the countryside ) costs me around £500 a month ( gas, electricity, rates and water bill) I haven’t included broadband because this is optional. Which is approx 9% of our monthly income (after tax). I work one day a week so with a small house don’t need a cleaner and the garden is manageable.
I can walk out of our front door straight into fields when walking the dog. We have two cars but don’t really need them when DS goes to uni. I’m thinking about trading both of them in for a small camper van. It will be great for ferrying DS to uni and allow us to make the most of the ultra long weekends we enjoy. Unfortunately my DH is very attached to our current car so will some convincing.
It would be nice to have a bigger house but I can see no real reason to change.

YANBU at all.

We bought a small 3 bed semi with a small garden. I always saw it as a stepping stone to when we could afford a house with a bigger garden. Have now been living here 3 years and I never want to move. It suits us really well, the garden is a dream to maintain, the house is nearly complete to exactly how we want it, and if we want to convert the loft we will be able to.

We have just moved to a 7 bed house with some land because frankly we can . We paid of our mortgage and had a decent amount of savings so it seemed sensible to do it if we could . We aren't in debt and seemed to have plenty of spare cash due to DH job. I wouldn't do it if it meant I was struggling though.

We are very lucky we started on the property ladder 25 years ago so made money on every house . This being our 4 th.!

It depend on what you enjoy, l love having space and land so that l can have my beloved animals, and not be overlooked. (I have been known to skip out to see the pygmy goats in my dressing gown on many an occasion)
I also hate cramped small rooms, although l have lived in a studio and tiny flats,for many years, l don't enjoy it.
However l don't spend much on socialising as don't drink or smoke, so get togethers are often picnics, at home or a local inexpensive restaurant...
My lifestyle doesn't require designer anything in recent years so clothes are rarely bought, and l have not spent more than £75 on a handbag ever.
I do love having a big house though, often full of impromptu teenage get togethers, (17 one weekend) friends can come and go without effort, and it is easy to ignore the wider world, as we cannot hear or see anyone.

I travelled a lot in my 20's and early 30's and hope to again in the future, but l would not choose to live in a small space if l had the choice.

I agree. We were earning 40k combined when we bought our terraced townhouse. Double that now, but we're staying put to pay it off in our late 40s. DS is already 5 so we don't fancy moving for a "bigger garden" when he'll be off out with mates in the blink of an eye.

By this age my mum and dad were in a massive 4 bed detached with a garage and a balcony but it cost less than 2x their annual income in 1990.

I'd be far happier with my modest house if it had a modest price tag.

I live in a really small space and absolutely would not if I could choose otherwise.

I am really struggling with this mental block. Me, DH, Dd & DS, currently in a 3 bed mid terrace, driveway, small garden. We've done it up lovely, spent probably £70k on taking walls out etc. If we stay forever I'm struggling to come to terms with teenage ds in a tiny box room, having a small garden 'forever', never owning a garage for all the bikes, desk in living room... But we can pay the mortgage off, we might be able to retire early, plenty of people live in flats... I think it's a mental block, almost?

Each person has their own priorities.

I live rurally because I can afford a larger home. Larger rooms, more parking, more garden to relax in. Less stress. No claustrophobia. I don't have new cars or foreign holidays but we actively enjoy our home. We socialise here.

Quite.

In the UK we pay out astonishing amounts of money for some of the smallest, oldest, dampest most decrepit living spaces in the developed world. We have less space than Spanish, French, German, Japanese not to mention people in the USA. Our housing stock is old and a lot of it is adversely affected by damp weather conditions and a rising water table. When we've built new properties they're outright dangerous (cladding), have a million bathrooms but no storage, or have bedrooms that you can't actually fit a bed, wardrobe and chest of drawers into.

UK housebuyers and renters get a very raw deal in general, and categorising them as greedy is insulting given the massive pressure that our housing market puts households under.