To think being happy with a modest home should the norm?

[DinDinDin]

Obv it depends on where you live and your income etc but pretty much every person I know either lives in a big house or is trying to trade up a modest home to try and upgrade for a bigger place. Some of these people can easily afford it whilst others are overstretching themselves to make it work. AIBU to think we are all (myself included) a bit too sucked into this upgrade mentality anf the fact that we always strive to have more stuff? I am facing the (very fortunate) dilemma of deciding whether to borrow the very maximum I can afford and stretch for a bigger home or choose a more modest option and aim to pay off the mortgage faster and be debt free sooner in life.
Do you notice the same attitude with people around you?

We're 43 and 48, both working, and can't afford to buy! Doubt we ever will. Been privately renting for 10 years now. We are currently in a lovely house that we would never be anywhere near being able to afford to buy.

Some of the newer builds are so badly laid out
Mine is 75sqm which feels fine for me as a single person (2 bed apartment)
But I have wardrobes in the second bedroom as they won't fit in the main bedroom, and I also use it as extra storage, clothes drying and a home gym!

I downsized from a 3 bed house, but that had a dining room I never used and a much smaller kitchen than I have now so swings and roundabouts

People have different priorities. Having space makes us happy and able to have the lifestyle we want, so a good sized house with some land was worth stretching ourselves for.

Some homes are ridiculously small with no storage and it makes day to day life more stressful imo. There’s nowhere to put things, there’s more arguments because you can’t have time alone, it’s hard to have pets with such limited space, it’s harder to be organised, for me anyway, so I’d choose a big house with outside space over anything else. I’m aware there is no choice for some people, but there is for us and it’s a priority to us.

I agree the choice is not usually as stark as people are making out here. Folks are posting like it’s a massive house and financial instability v a small one and constantly jet setting the world, out for meals and events etc and living it up.

in my experience that’s seldom the choices. Generally folks buy what they can afford and still being able to live and pay the bills, with occasional treats. And irrelevant of size of house, some stretch.

The cost of housing is hugely location dependent as well. A “modest house” in most areas of the city near me e.g a tiny 3 bed terrace would buy you a 4 bed detached in 20 mins outside of it. Just a matter of priorities/ preferences as to which of those you choose.

Describe "modest"?

Ultimately it's an investment, the bigger you go earlier on, the bigger the investment down the line. That's not to say it is without risk, but we didn't settle on our first home because a) we wanted bigger b) we knew it was a sensible decision long term even if it meant bigger outgoings right now.

Also, people's lives change which is why traditionally there is a ladder. When we bought our first home, a very small 3 bed semi it was "modest" for our income at the time.

We upsized to a 4 bed detached house that was a stretch at the time, but now, due to equity, much larger incomes due to career progression and the fact we have filled it pretty well and could happily start to fill a bigger house I would say our house is quite modest for us now? And yes we don't plan to upsize further though we could because we have struck the balance that works for us now, we are not stretched, so our home is now modest?

Yes I wasn’t sure when the exact cut off was for when the price of a home became several multiples of a salary like mine that is almost £20K above the average for the country

It’s really not that simple for most people.

I know this is not what you’re saying but when people tell me to just move out of London - first, that’s where my DP’s job is, second, if everyone left London for cheaper housing elsewhere, guess what would happen to house prices in these other places??
The people of Cornwall were famously SO pleased to see Londoners move there during lockdowns, weren’t they?

We moved from a 4 bedroom, 4 bathroom house( not by choice) to a technically 3 bed bungalow (the dining room is the 4th bedroom). We're happier in the much smaller house

My brother recently traded up from a 2 bed to a more modern 4 bed but the 2 bed was exponentially nicer, exposed beams, cosy etc. I actually think he downgraded tbh.

Be debt free as early as you can, it's so liberating and don't compare yourself to others. You don't know what their circumstances are, they may have a bigger house or car but live off beans on toast.

A modest 3 bed unextended semi in my area ( zone 5 outer London ) costs around £700.000.
so just to afford something pretty average is expensive here.

DH and I (no children) bought our present house (1900s 3 bed semi) almost 30 years ago. We had to be near a station as we both commuted into London and as we were both working didn't want a big place that was a pain to look after and the location was great. Over the years I have thought it would be nice to be somewhere more remote with a bigger garden, but we paid off the mortgage early, retired early and now we are I our 60s I'm really glad we are financially OK and didn't stretch ourselves. Plus it's still a great place to live. I shall be gutted if/when we have to move.

I do agree, but people have very different views of what constitutes modest!

We’ve just bought a modest home but the only downside is the bedroom for our youngest is absolutely tiny ( like won’t fit a single bed tiny) so we’ll have to extend his room in the next couple of years

Could have written that myself except close to hills rather than sea. Mortgage all paid off in our 40’s, lots of travelling and meals out etc, really just had a great life being able to do what we wanted when we wanted and no need to cut the grass or wash car same time as all the neighbours on the same day every weekend. Too Stepford for me. On a side note I’m likely not to make old age so I’m really pleased about the decisions we made. My sisters are equally happy however in their big houses so swings and roundabouts

It’s definitely like this in the area I live. I’d say 90% of the people I know here have upgraded to a bigger house in the last few years ( myself and friends all mid forties )
We moved to a large detached a few years ago too. We love the space around us after having neighbours on top of us for years. We can however comfortably manage the mortgage and still have good holidays and eat out often.
We wouldn’t have overstretched ourselves to get the house.
The plan will be to downsize and free up more cash when the kids have moved out, youngest is 10, so not for a while.
I’m not originally from this area though and grew up one of five siblings in a three bed one bathroom house that my parent still lives in. I had a great happy childhood. My siblings all rent in the city we grew up in and are happy renting too.

We live in a 'modest' house in a lovely city and we were lucky enough (partly through luck, marrying late and having 2 properties to sell) paid off the mortgage in our mid 40's. It does mean that we were able to plough money into pensions and savings, support our dc through university so they are not leaving with crazy loans and look forward to a (hopefully) active retirement in our early 60's

I would just like an extra toilet/bathroom and the third bedroom to be big enough for my DD fit in a desk. Currently her bed, wardrobe and drawers take up the entire space as it’s really a box room. We don’t have a garden but it would be nice to have somewhere pleasant to sit outside in the summer rather than out back yard which is on a road. I’d quite like a garage as my shed doesn’t really fit our outdoor stuff in. Oh and I’d quite like a driveway so my car wasn’t at risk everyone someone speeds past and so I can guarantee parking outside my own house. But I can’t afford to upgrade. I can’t even afford to stretch. Single parent income. I see so many couples living in 4-5 bedroom houses who have no intention of having children but o guess we buy what we can afford to invest in, with the hope the value increases.

Yep, the smartest thing we ever did was stay in the house I bought after my divorce rather than trade up with DH2. We could easily have afforded to as he sold a house when he moved in but instead we’ve paid the mortgage off this year and now have loads of disposable income to put into retirement savings.

YABU to want to impose a norm on how people feel about their own lives / situations.

Same! 2 bed, 2 bath city center garden flat here. Everything on my doorstep and absolutely zero desire to move to a big house in the suburbs and spend hours of my day commuting.

I don't get the Mumsnet obsession with massive suburban homes. I love my flat and the lifestyle that comes with it.

My partner and I are looking to buy our first home in the next 2 years. We hope to get a 3 bed semi with garden and garage. This will most likely be our forever home. We have a child on the way and would love to try for a 2nd in a few years but I doubt we will be able to afford a second and also I work from home part of the week so we would either have to have children sharing a bedroom or a desk in the lounge where there probably wouldn't be enough room in a 950sqft property. I guess kitchen table if no one is home. The houses we have looked at so far seem small for a family of 4 plus a pet dog.

Surely if everyone stayed in their modest house then no one would be able to get onto the housing ladder? First time buyers rely on people trading up to a bigger house.