Keeping pension quiet?

[Seperateaccount]

DH and I are hitting pension age. We've been together 25 years, married for nearly 20 years and I've worked sporadically during that time. DH's job takes him abroad and I follow. I'd also paid 20 years of the 25 year mortgage on my own, before we paid it off a few years ago.

I've just become aware of a pension that I'm entitled to from my working days before I even met DH, something I'd completely forgotten about. It's not enough to live on every month but the 25% tax free amount would give me a nice nest egg and I can continue to build it with the pension .

DH will likely see the extra income as a reason to play golf/go on holiday/not worry about the future.

AIBU to set up bank accounts DH doesn't know about? I'm well aware that he's paid more in terms of day to day expenses over the last few years but I also know that I worked bloody hard for years (before we met), to pay for the majority of our house.

In a heartbeat I would keep it to myself in your position

I'm pretty sure my DH has savings/assets etc he's not told me about. I'm a spender - life's too short not to be IMO. But, I'm actually glad that DH keeps some if his worth hidden away. I know he'd pull me out of a hole using it if I needed him to (in fact, he has stepped in a fair few times and paid for large purchases I'd planned to put on credit). So I don't mind - and I know it's better I don't know he has £x because I'd immediately start planning what we could do with it.

Sounds like you and your DH are similar but opposite to us and asking as you'd use the cash for his/both your benefit if it was needed, I think he might be ok with you keeping quiet right now.

Couldn't disagree more.

IF all things were equal and DH was financially responsible, then yes. Given that the OP says her husband is happy to spend their monthly income to the max giving no thought to the future, and that she strongly suspects he'd spend any additional pension income at this time, then no. It isn't any of the above things, it's prudent and sensible and has an eye to a more secure retirement.

It's the OP's financial good sense that means her DH is now benefitting from a mortgage free home after only five years together. I think she's best keeping their powder dry.

@Seperateaccount

I see nothing wrong with you keeping this money in a 'secret' account. After all, it sounds to me as if it's more to keep him from squandering it, so it's more of a rainy day fund than a 'fuck off fund'.

Although a FOF isn't always a bad idea, either. And it's not just women who might need one.

Why can't you just put it in a separate savings account and tell him about it? Make it clear that it's not an income, it's a retirement fund and while he is free to see the statements he won't have access to it unless it's through you?

Haven't you spoken about what happens when you both retire with regards to finances, surely this pension payout is part of your future plans? As his will be, and wouldn't just be used as a unrestricted revenue stream?

Well you can but it doesn't say much about the state of your marriage that you're considering it. Plus, if you did split up it's likely he'd find out anyway. Could you tell him about it and tell him that you're hoping to put it in a hard to access savings account until you (both) really need it?

Exactly how is she going to stop him???

Ìd keep it to myself as an emergency fund but saying that if you divorced he'd be entitled to quite a lot of the house that you paid for and your pension.
So make sure you stay married.

I don't disagree about the final disclosure but I think most people see the fund as immediate action. You can't leave a home if you can't pay rent and deposit on a new place. I think running away funds are for immediate spending. Not huge savings designed to keep someone afloat for years.
If you aren't safe and you need to leave, you spend your fund and worry about financial agreements later.
It's totally valid for both parties to have an emergency fund. Women are just statistically more at risk.

keep it to yourself op, keep it quiet, put it in a personal account solely for you and leave it there as a nest egg. that money represents freedom for you regardless of what your dh decides to do.

How would you feel if you found out that he had stashed a tidy sum away in a secret account and kept well schtum about it ?. If you are genuine OK with that then go ahead but remember, the truth will out in the end, it always does.

Well, start by having a conversation about it, as generally couple should do about joint issues, shouldn't they? Then, from there, make a decision how to proceed.

I'd be furious if my DH did that. Seriously that level of lying would make me consider what else he was hiding from me.

If you think he's feckless, then put it in your name, and tell him. Tell him why and discuss it like a grownup.

I would be delighted if my partner did this. A degree of financial independence is good.

If she was able to have a reasonable conversation with him about joint money she wouldn’t be considering hiding it from him. If he’s financially feckless, what’s the point ? He’s unlikely to stick to anything agreed anyway if he’s as selfish as OP makes out. The fact that he’s got so close to retirement age without planning and still happy to run up credit is a massive red flag.

theres clearly something amis in the relationship if now you want to start keeping secrets?

I know i'd be furious if my other half squirrelled away secret dosh!

how would you feel if, when he retires from his highly paid job, he keeps all the money for himself?

my husband and i have separate finances, but when it comes to pensions and lump sums, we pool everything.. but then we have a good solid relatiion ship and don't expect that the change any time soon.

and what happens when she puts it in an account in her name and tells him he can’t access it be he racks up a £10k credit card bill and then says “they” need to clear it?

Why are you blaming the OP for her DH’s financial recklessness ? If he’s got to pre retirement age and is still likely to appropriate the lump sum to spend on himself and then absorb the pension income why shouldn’t she keep quiet ?

Hmmm I can see both perspectives to this!
If the shoe was on the other foot there would be the outcry of financial abuse of not sharing wealth (mn also loves that inheritance is "family" money). But as you say he's feckless with money!

Personally I would say you had a small pension pot you didn't realise about your going to put it to savings in case of emergency as its not enough to live on and have it in your name (none of the above is a lie).

My DH and I have separate savings accounts it gives us better returns for starters!

Van you imagine if the OP was posting saying she found out her OH had a secret pension fund that she didnt know about.

More classic mumsnet

That’s fine if you’re both financially responsible. It feels like some posters are deliberately overlooking the fact that her DH is utterly irresponsible with money. Why would you trust someone who is still running up credit so close to retirement age with a lump sum and pension income you’ve worked for yourself ?

So another who clearly hasn’t read or understood what’s being said here. Her DH is irresponsible with money. Spends it. Runs up credit despite being close to retirement. Why would you risk him taking and spending your pension lump sum and expecting you to absorb the extra income into things he wants to do ?

How would you feel if he did this to you? If you’d be ok with it then go ahead, if you wouldn’t then there lies your answer.

Why are so many mentioning divorce? It's not going to happen!

I've now spoken to DH and told him about the pension and made it clear that it is not going in the joint pot. For my own peace of mind I'm taking the lump sum and the pension and putting it in an account only I can access. When he is ready to retire and claim his own private pension we'll have another look at how we manage our finances.

To be fair to him, DH knows he is shit with money and did say his first thought was a new car and a four week trip to Australia! This is why we have no savings!

Then say No.
Honestly if he's that useless and manipulative and running up debts then divorce is a serious option. You don't come up with scenarios to justify lying to your husband to excuse your own deception. His fecklessness isn't an excuse - it needs sorting. As they are married its all joint whether she likes it or not.