Keeping pension quiet?

[Seperateaccount]

DH and I are hitting pension age. We've been together 25 years, married for nearly 20 years and I've worked sporadically during that time. DH's job takes him abroad and I follow. I'd also paid 20 years of the 25 year mortgage on my own, before we paid it off a few years ago.

I've just become aware of a pension that I'm entitled to from my working days before I even met DH, something I'd completely forgotten about. It's not enough to live on every month but the 25% tax free amount would give me a nice nest egg and I can continue to build it with the pension .

DH will likely see the extra income as a reason to play golf/go on holiday/not worry about the future.

AIBU to set up bank accounts DH doesn't know about? I'm well aware that he's paid more in terms of day to day expenses over the last few years but I also know that I worked bloody hard for years (before we met), to pay for the majority of our house.

To be clear, I was repondong to the below from Peaceandcakes, which is about OP's pension, not the mortgage.

How had you forgotten about a pension that you paid into for 25 years?

I'm just saying this pension may not have 25 years of contributions, which a poster assumed.

Hi OP. Ordinarily I'd feel a bit uneasy about hiding assets from your spouse. But I don't really blame you here as you fear the money will be squandered. I worry here that some posters feel that hiding assets is ok for them, even or especially, as one poster outlined, in divorce. I don't think we would deem that acceptable for a man here.

I would suggest that you have a proper conversation with your husband, and, ideally, a decent financial adviser (pensions and their income/death benefit rules can be complex) to map out your retirement as a married couple; what your expectations are lifestyle-wise, and how your various pensions and savings will meet these objectives.

Once you are talking seriously and start to have a plan mapped out, you can reveal your secret pension.

I would suggest that if you don't feel that this kind of planning can happen, your relationship is not in a good place, and what to do with PCLS is not your main concern here.

I like how you’ve used quote marks to suggest you’re quoting OP and then made up your own words to go inside them 😂

So what your poster should have put inside the quote marks is “DH will likely see the extra income as a reason to play golf/go on holiday/not worry about the future.” I don’t really think @Justkeeepswimming has been disingenuous with what they have said the OP is concerned about or changed the meaning materially. By all means have an issue with the punctuation, but the point is valid!!!

I wouldn't blame you at all if you keep it a secret. But please make sure it's all paperless as he could find out if things come through the post.Given what you said in your post.

It's not something I would do, but I'm not in your position, was the larger earner, get a bigger pension and I manage all our joint finances, which means I am quite secure.

But it has to be said that if it was your DH doing this and you came on here complaining and asking for advice, the vast majority of Mumsnetters would be screaming LTB (leave the Bastard)

You need to do what you need to do for you though. You'll get mixed replies on here.

Yep. I would hang on to it . I have a nice little NHS pension from years ago that I use for my fun money . Husband has an extremely expensive hobby that half his pension goes on and he is not particularly careful with money. Buggered if my extra pension is going to fund his hobby!

I guess the husband would get 50% of the house if they were to divorce, despite her paying the mortgage on it for 20 years before even being married, as they then paid the mortgage for the remaining 5 years.
No mention of the husband having a house ?

Normally I would say be honest with your partner but as you paint him as a selfish bastard I would, in this instance, say it's ok for you to be selfish too.

My worry as well around telling him- even if you go I’ll tell him, but keep the money for myself, would be that given his attitude to credit would be that if he doesn’t have direct access to the money he would spend on the credit card forcing OPs hand in paying the card off.

If she’s brought it into the marriage, but they’ve lived in it as a family home and he’s made some contributions then it becomes a community property. He is savvier than he lets on. What’s OPs is his, what’s his is his. She should keep the pension

Why not be honest about getting it but tell him what you’re going to do with it. That’s what I did with my husband-he knows it’s earmarked for my children.

The "secret running away fund" is a commonly discussed topic on Mumsnet. I always wonder how many MNers know that if you're married and get divorced, you have to disclose all financial assets on your Form E, and your "secret fund" is one of these. It's a joint marital asset and just forms part of the pot for division according to need on divorce. Unless you're rich enough to have more than enough to house you both according to your needs, the secret fund will not remain "yours".

Obviously that's different if you're not married; in that case your savings remain your own.

To those inclined to not disclose the existence of such a fund, assuming it's in a bank account you've paid into in the past 12 months, Form E requires disclosure of the past 12 months' bank statements. So outgoing transfers would be evident and the question would be asked: what is this fund you're paying into?

So if you want to have a secret fund and not disclose it in the event of divorce, you'd have to be making cash deposits and be very certain your spouse had no way of finding out about it, because non-disclosure is contempt of court and likely to screw you badly if discovered in a divorce scenario.

He may just get into debt with the expectation that OP will bail him out.

While it seems odd to not let him know about the pension, I can understand your reluctance as you are poles apart when it comes to money.
I'd keep quiet and stash it somewhere safe - if he ever does find out about it as pp have suggested- just say you were saving it for a surprise.
Or just bluntly say we have enough to get by each month and you were not going to waste it by spending your joint income to the max just because you can!! Whose to say you couldn't do a bucket list dream in a few years from these funds?!

Posts like this put me off getting divorced.

In reality, we each kept our own savings accounts and pensions and put whatever figures we wanted to on the form.

@Swoopy

Original quote which I was too lazy to scroll and copy

DH will likely see the extra income as a reason to play golf/go on holiday/not worry about the future.

Which is the same as what I said… in my lazy way!

Yes, generally speaking we on MN are very much in favour of having private secret bank accounts. Women, I mean. Obviously not men. That would obviously be grounds for immediate LTB.

Is it a huge amount? I'd bung up to 20k or 50k into Premium Bonds ir an ISA as a rainy day fund and put the rest into joint accounts or a new car/roof/double glazing but I'd be honest about the slush fund. If uts income I'd just add it to the joint account tbh. I'm in the same position as you and we live in a house I had almost paid for before we met. My dh is much more of a spender than me but he also respects my need to have a slush fund. In fact he probably has no idea how much we have or he'd spend the lot.

It's a pension you paid into before you met him. So i don't really see an issue with your plan.
And if he'd spend it all on golf or whatever it is then keeping it as a rainy day fund seems all the more important.

My partner and I contribute to a household fund. We both have our own highly transparent savings and pensions. If my partner came into some money I would be delighted, but it wouldn’t affect our financial arrangement, and there would be no need to keep it secret.

I mean if you are clever about it you take the money out gradually and keep in cash or ideally have a relative open an ISA or savings for you in their name or buy something that will increase in value or… any number of other routes to squirrel away money…

Of course the best one is to ring fence in the first place and have legal agreements drawn up prior to or while in the marriage before things sour.

So many people just do NOT understand that when you are married to a man like this, no amount of "serious discussions" is ever going to work and 40 years of trying to and ending up in rows has made me hate the bastard. He won't leave, and I'm not leaving the home that I have put my heart and soul into with, choosing and paying for all the decor, maintenance and upkeep. Stalemate.

Keep your money quiet, just make damn sure he doesn't find out. I will be doing similar. If he knew I had it, he would need it. No fucking way.

@HussellRobbs

"In reality, we each kept our own savings accounts and pensions and put whatever figures we wanted to on the form."

That would work if you agreed to that between you (misleading the court obviously being a different matter...). But in a scenario in which people don't agree, perhaps because one has assets in their name which substantially outweigh what the other has, I'd expect difficulties in reaching such an agreement.

Ps @Swoopy

I’m actually very concerned for OP that she may have got herself into the position of having

• reduced state pension
• no private pension for 25yrs
• handed over rights to 1/2 her house
• no access to see or obtain money bar on a credit card

it’s massively dodgy