A wedding question

[askingaquestionaboutthis]

Hi,

Partner of 9 years has finally (😂) started to make some noises about us getting married. He has floated the idea of a beach wedding in somewhere abroad (initial idea is Santorini) with just nearest and dearest (parents and bridesmaids etc) and our children there, followed by a party back home to celebrate where we can invite wider family and friends. He seems to think this would work out cheaper than a UK wedding. What are people's thoughts on the financial aspect of abroad versus home, and also just general pros and cons of each I might not have considered?

Thank you!

Cheaper for you, more expensive for the guests

This

Just having those people at a UK venue would be cheapest, then everyone to an evening party

Agreed, I would only do this if you’re not going to get annoyed at people who can’t afford to come or if you’re prepared to pay their costs.

What do you want to do, and can you afford it? It would be silly to have a wedding abroad if you want to get married at home with all your family and friends there, and it would be silly to get married here if you really wanted a wedding in Santorini.

I would make a list of your priorities and plan accordingly.

Depends if you pay for your guests!

If you want to actually save money, have a quiet ceremony as outlined in UK... then a party to celebrate a few days later.

You're going to have to do school holidays so flights will be £££. Will you be paying?

@Mumoftwo1312
Yes this is a concern. There would only be 5 members of my family coming, all of them immediate, ie parents and siblings. However one of my siblings has 3 kids so that could be pricey for her which I appreciate. My partner doesn't necessarily want his parents there, he'd take it or leave it tbh (doesn't have a great relationship with them), he'd just his best mate as best man. Other than that the other guests we'd be paying for ourselves as they'd be our kids (3 older kids between us, young adult / late teen age), and our young child together. So not too many people that we'd be wanting there.

Only if zero pressure for anyone else to attend. Or you pay

Ok so I'm aware of the cost implication for the guests, I've acknowledged that and take it on board.

Any other pros and cons from different perspectives, please? I was hoping to get more varied ideas from the thread if possible. Thanks.

Are your nearest and dearest in the financial posotion to pay for flights, accommodation, food, outfits etc to join you? Others wise I would stick to a UK registry office and a nice meal afterwards and then the big party.

Would he agree to a very small ceremony in the UK followed by a honeymoon in the destination of his choice?

A wedding abroad with a UK after party can work out more expensive to be honest. Have you considered a late afternoon (4/5pm) ceremony & with one evening reception instead? You're paying for one reception for everyone rather than paying for wedding breakfast and reception. My friend did this and it worked out cheaper than the option your dp is considering.

Also, consider that certain people won't be able to attend abroad for many reasons so don't be cross with them for this. Also, remember if you want childfree then some parents can't attend due to childcare issues.

Also, trim down the extras, you don't need favours, chairs covers, 9 bridesmaid and multiple hen and stag do's abroad. These are extras which bump the prices up because the wedding industry has convinced us they're essentials. The marriage is more important than the wedding which is just a one day booze up.

@SKG231
3 of them absolutely are yes. 2 of them it would be pricier for due to having 3 kids to pay for as well, so I accept that would make it harder for those ones to attend. However they're a sort of deal breaker to me, so if they couldn't afford to come then I guess I'd be re thinking. We'd also be looking at 2027 earliest so lots of notice / time to save etc if people wanted to come.

@Stickyricepudding
The only children at the ceremony if we did it abroad would be my own nieces and nephew, and my own children. I'm fine with all of those.

You can't expect people to pay thousands to attend your wedding, which is what you'll be doing if you invite families with several kids. It might work out cheaper for you but that's because you'll be offloading the costs to others. It's selfish. If it's that long to save and you want a destination wedding then you save and pay for your guests.

I definitely wouldn't be having 9 bridesmaids 😂
My two sisters, my adult daughter (who will be 21 at the time if we did it in 2027), and my 15 year old stepdaughter would be the only bridesmaids. Our own DD (5) would be flower girl. So 4 plus a flower girl.

Passports for a family of 5 is a big ask....

I don’t think there are many different perspectives, other than the financial aspect which is what your first post said you wanted.

Does Santorini have the option for a wedding package? That might be a starting point. You’d have seven children, so if it’s in school holiday time, that would increase the price.

What about a small wedding in this country, with a larger party and a honeymoon in Santorini.

I’d plan to include costs for your sibling with 3 DC as part of the budget for abroad wedding. A party in the UK after for everyone will be just as expensive as having a UK wedding, it would probably be cheaper to do UK wedding as a ceremony then party after.

There are loads of perspectives! Weather, food, venues, legal aspects..... I was hoping for a varied discussion around the pros and cons from people who have experience of both

Yep l.
also if any of your bridal party have children they will need to be invited or you’ll be on here in 6m in a tizzy about why your bridesmaid is being “awkward” about attending.

We did a registry office and booked out a restaurant in central London as beyond getting married! our loved ones being able to attend was our priority. And our guests had a wide range of financial means so we didn’t want anyone to be put out.

You want your sister with 3 dc to save until 2027 to attend your wedding?
Oh good luck with selling that to her, I'm sure she'll jump at the chance.

So you are paying for all flights and accommodation or do you expect guests to do this and use up their holidays?

We were getting married abroad. All set to look to book it. But the accommodation for us and our children of different ages and sexes, it just became crazy expensive. We're talking £12k+ just for the holiday, licenses, accommodation and flights. Nothing for the wedding at this point other than licenses. It was becoming stressful thinking about it. Even though it is both what we wanted.

We're now doing a wedding at home, small intimate wedding then a short local honeymoon and a family holiday later in the summer holidays. It will be cheaper for us this way. About £8k all in.