A wedding question

[askingaquestionaboutthis]

Hi,

Partner of 9 years has finally (😂) started to make some noises about us getting married. He has floated the idea of a beach wedding in somewhere abroad (initial idea is Santorini) with just nearest and dearest (parents and bridesmaids etc) and our children there, followed by a party back home to celebrate where we can invite wider family and friends. He seems to think this would work out cheaper than a UK wedding. What are people's thoughts on the financial aspect of abroad versus home, and also just general pros and cons of each I might not have considered?

Thank you!

We got married abroad, invited people with 18 months notice and no pressure whatsoever, we picked a destination that would work for family holidays.

We didn’t dictate where anyone should stay or for how long, some people chose to stay at the same place we did but plenty stayed in other accomodation, you’ll never find one place that suits everyone so don’t try.

All we said was the wedding is in X day in this location, if you fancy a holiday there would be lovely to see you but apart from that make it your own holiday.

We didn’t do a party at home afterwards, the wedding was the wedding and for me doing that would’ve defeated the object of wanting a small celebration. If it’s really massively important to you to have that big celebration with everyone there I’d question if a wedding abroad is really for you.

I remember looking at Santorini and discounting it at the time as it was expensive and not accessible, and we had a couple of guests that we didn’t want to discount due to the venue not being ideal, although everyone was welcome not to come if they didn’t want to.

My concern is that 2027 is so far away and you're legally unprotected in the meantime. That's just me but I suppose everyone's priorities are different. Goodluck with whatever you decide.

Even though I could afford to, I wouldn't want to use my funds and annual leave to travel to a place I've never wanted to go, when I have a list as long as my arm of places I do want to go to.

UK weddings can cost as little or as much as you like.

Ok 😂

I’ve no idea what santorini is like for kids you might want to check that. …. But I know people who’ve been who have said it’s expensive, and lots of cruise ships. They keep going back through so…

Maybe price it up fo a family at that time of year.

when young free and single I loved an abroad wedding. With small kids, having my leave taken up with a place I haven’t chose would be more of an issue.

If he's happy to give your sister 3 years to save up for a big holiday to Santorini with her whole family, on the grounds that he wants a 'cheaper wedding' abroad, doesn't the same argument apply to using those 3 years to save up himself/yourselves to have a wedding in the UK?

If I'm being really honest, (sorry) my first thought when I hear about destination weddings is 'who were they trying to avoid asking?' But it's your wedding, and you do you!

I married back down South though we lived up North. When on my way home I go past where we actually married and it’s a nice ooh that’s where we got married. You won’t just be passing where you married ever again.

The only weddings overseas I have been to are when people actually live in that country. I have a lot of relatives that live in America and Hong Kong. Those weddings have cost me thousands to attend over the years but that is very different.

It puts unfair financial pressure on anyone attending. I have turned down two overseas weddings of friends, one was in Singapore and one in Australia, they had moved overseas though.

Unless it was my own child I wouldn’t attend a wedding overseas just because
someone fancied it.

Totally depends where you get married, some are legal some aren’t - there’s no blanket rule each country is different.

We got married in Cyprus because it’s a legal ceremony and nothing to do once you get home. We discounted Spain & Italy I think because neither would be legal and for some you have to be in the country for a certain amount of time before/after the wedding.

I know, but I've been legally unprotected now for 9 years 😂 what's a couple more?

I do get what you're saying though. He's really taken his time with this! And I haven't even got the ring on my finger yet FYI. He's just been making comments about it and opening discussion about it. So it's yet to materialise into a proposal, and I do hope that doesn't take another 9 years 😂

OP, we have a destination wedding to attend next year. As a family of 4, it's going to cost us over 5k. We wanted to go somewhere else that year but we can't. I just couldn't ask that of guests. Also you and your partner have never even been to Santorini!

As a family guest I'd be pissed off unless you're paying

Yeah you're not going to get balanced responses on here op. On here if you want to have a wedding abroad your selfish cos its too expensive / uses too much holidays / should be all about your guests, if you want no kids your selfish cos guests might have to arrange babysitters etc etc ad nauseam! Personally I love a destination wedding, I've been to several and am always happy to join a holiday to a wedding of someone that not only do I love and care for but that love me enough to invite me. I'd personally speak to the people involved and get their thoughts, possibly even ask their budget and see if you can make it work. And congratulations !!

Ok so thoughts on how to make a UK wedding cheaper without it being a registry office?

Could be reasonably do it for 10k all in? Obviously I know this is dependant on number of guests but I can't foresee there being more than 35-40 at the day time. And that's top end.

How’s it going to be larger abroad with just your core family and possibly his mate?

That doesn’t make sense?

It also doesn’t make sense to want to save money but pay for you and your children to go abroad and then have a big party at home too.

@YourSnugHazelTraybake
Ah thank you! 🩷
You're the first person to actually say congratulations! Even though he hasn't put a ring on it yet. I'll take it 😂😂

The cost implication is the main thing though. Your sister will have to pay loads to go and she might have been saving for her own holiday. And if you say yoy don't mind if she doesn't come then that's shit too!

@martinisforeveryone
He just doesn't want to do a registry office. I think it's partly to do with the fact that he married his ex wife in one. He wants it to be different and nicer, reading between the lines. And tbh a registry office doesn't particularly appeal to me either.

Your wedding - you do exactly what you want. However you have come onto an Internet forum to get people's opinions (whether you like them or not). I think the idea of getting married abroad, getting people to save up so they can 'see you getting married' use their holiday allowance etc...is just all about you - ugh.

Is he going to get upset if people can’t come? I got married abroad and one of the first things we agreed was we have to be 100% happy that if it’s just us we’re both ok with that before we book it.

I wanted the smallest wedding possible so it worked for me!

@vanillawaffle
I have a close enough relationship with my sister that we could talk openly about such things, fortunately. If it's a problem for her I'll know 3 years in advance and can look at ways of helping to ensure she's there. Such as offering to fund at least part of it for them, for example. There's no way I'm getting married without my big sister at my side, so if she can't, UK it is.

I got arrived in a registry office in a castle …. Beautiful pictures!

I married in my local church 2 years ago and had the reception in the church hall. 54 people...cost £8500 the food was £5k of that as their is vat on it!!

It was 2nd time for both of us we were 58 and 62. One bridesmaid, my daughter.

If everyone is truly happy then go for it but it won't necessarily be cheaper and please look more into your in laws not coming. There may be good reasons and I respect that but they could be very hurt.

Saying that, my fil didn't invite his parents to his wedding in 1954. They were in south Africa but wealthy enough to fly over so we're a bit shocked when he said he had got married....he's 96 now and still has some strange ideas. 🤣

Lol. Show me a wedding that isn't "all about you" (ie the bride and groom) 😂😂 that's literally the definition of someone's wedding day

Sorry haven't RTFT, just glanced at your posts OP.

We got married abroad in Croatia over a decade ago. We were young and childfree as were all our friends, and family were all very comfortable financially. We invited about 50 and about 35 came. It was great.

We didn't do the party when we came home thing, I don't like it tbh, seems a bit A list and B list. Turning that party into the wedding would only cost a few hundred for the ceremony and certainly much less than the destination wedding so it seems a strange choice.

Every country will have their own rules, in Croatia a religious wedding (Catholic Mass) would have been legal, a civil ceremony needed to be in Croatian with a translator and the paperwork was apparently quite arduous. We did the legal bit at home, literally the bare minimum you're allowed legally, and then had a symbolic ceremony in Croatia with vows, rings etc.

A destination wedding can be lovely but it does ask a lot of your guests, especially ATM when so many are struggling.