A wedding question

[askingaquestionaboutthis]

Hi,

Partner of 9 years has finally (😂) started to make some noises about us getting married. He has floated the idea of a beach wedding in somewhere abroad (initial idea is Santorini) with just nearest and dearest (parents and bridesmaids etc) and our children there, followed by a party back home to celebrate where we can invite wider family and friends. He seems to think this would work out cheaper than a UK wedding. What are people's thoughts on the financial aspect of abroad versus home, and also just general pros and cons of each I might not have considered?

Thank you!

www.harvestmoonweddings.co.uk

If you are from the North and want a beach wedding what about this? It makes me want to get married again ❤️

I went to a wedding abroad in Cyprus. It was hands down the most beautiful wedding I have been to (apart from my own!) I know they got outfits in uk but everything else was organised by the wedding planner at the hotel so quite simple to do. I don't know how much it cost them but I would guess ££££ there was a 3 course meal, champagne toast and DJ plus flowers and service. It was a 5* hotel all inclusive, there were standard room options and luxury (private pool, early booking into restaurants etc) some guests did a week , we did 3 nights to save on costs. In a standard room with flights we paid £450 each (2 of us) everything was included so no spending money needed. But this was in 2018. I'd expect to pay a lot more now.

3 years is too long to wait when there's kids involved

If you get married abroad and have a celebration party here, what sort of UK party would you be planning?
A buffet with a DJ in a hall? Otherwise you may find that when you combine the cost of the wedding abroad (with flights and accommodation etc) and the party itself, you won't be saving that much more than just having it all in UK. Especially if you consider if you want to decorate the venue (even things like chair covers add up), have hair and makeup done on the day, do you want a photographer for either event (or both?), etc (obviously you can wear the same dress etc if you want to).

If you have a buffet, you will obviously save on a sit down meal (which is often the largest expense at a wedding) but then you could just do that in UK anyway.

Would you consider a twilight wedding? They usually take place at a venue around 4-5pm? I've been to one before which was beautiful - it was in summer so still light, but the venue was decorated with fairy lights etc. Wedding ceremony had been at 5 -5.30pm, then the couple had photos until 7pm (guests just pottered around chatting and buying themselves drinks etc, but this always happens at daytime weddings anyway). Then at 7pm - straight into the evening reception, and a buffet was served up around 8pm. Party lasted until midnight.

There are sone beautiful register offices and licensed venues that are gorgeous but won't cost a fortune.

If you do decide to abroad make sure you have cast iron insurance - flight delays, ash cloud problems etc have all happened in recent years and all could scupper your dream day .

Look at historical houses or fancy hotels

Hi OP, former wedding manager here. Destination weddings are often fantastic but the horror stories put me off.
From colleagues and suppliers I've heard of wedding outfits being ruined or lost on the way out there, scam wedding packages, forgetting something important making the marriage not legal, sudden weather events (often due to a lack of research on the couples part), general communications issues and so on and so forth.

Personally, I love them. IME they are usually smaller and guests are usually more relaxed so the ones I have been to have felt very relaxed and intimate. The decor is usually nicer, the experience upgraded a bit (open bars for instance) just because the costs can be less prohibitive for the couple and culturally packages might include these things.

Do not assume it will be cheaper, however. It really depends on the destination. We planned one which we unfortunately had to cancel and while it initially seemed cheaper there were lots and lots of hidden fees. I’m not sure what Santorini would be like though.

That said I think because you have so few guests you should ask them what they think and make your decision accordingly. There is no point planning one if they will resent it or if it’s too financially or logistically difficult for them.

I think it’s a lovely idea - you already have a child so a weeding is the icing in the cake really.

I think it’s a great idea and if you book flights the moment they come out you can get some brilliant deals.

You can play the video at the party.

Friends have done this and it’s worked out fairly cheaply!

If that’s what you want to do, do it. You don’t owe anyone a wedding.

Cost wise my friend is getting married in Greece and it’s much cheaper than a UK wedding with all the added stress involved.

Same. Of course, fundamentally, it’s about the two people getting married but it doesn’t actually have to be entirely self-centred and with no consideration of your guests. Although that seems to have become the norm - people being expected to wait around for hours while photos are taken, picturesque but inaccessible/v expensive venues, not feeding guests but getting married at a time that means people miss meals, etc. When we planned our wedding we knew that lots of people were coming a long way, at significant expense (family spread all over the country incl. people needing to fly in) - so we considered how we could make it as pleasant and manageable as possible for them.

I got married in a hotel in UK. We saved money by getting married on a Friday. I bought off rack wedding dress and bridesmaids dresses . I made my own favours, table decs. Bought invites online. I had a bridesmaid bouquet and my bridesmaids had posies. My aunt made the cake. Instead of a 3 course meal we had a hog roast for main. And an ice cream van for dessert. Literally took the cost down by ££££. I hired a photographer who was happy to work on hourly rate. I booked her for three hours.

Ours cost 6k in 2017. For 80 day guests and 100 night.

A lot of hotels do smaller wedding packages or week day deals.

I would do research into abroad and uk and compare plus ask your sister if she would be able to afford abroad if that's a factor

We did this. 80 people (probably 25 were kids) 10k max. Lots of food and booze (free to guests) paid some accommodation for guests that had travelled. We saved on not spending a fortune on wedding dress ( My choice), flowers - we did our own, we sorted the caterers etc ourself. We did pay for chair covers and dressing the room- it looked lovely. This was in 2019. So you could easily do your numbers for 10k.

That’s another thing you might need a separate planner even if your venue comes with one. I found it helpful to have one in place even before I started to consider venues because she helped with that. That was an added expense.

Lol. Show me a wedding that isn't "all about you" (ie the bride and groom) 😂😂 that's literally the definition of someone's wedding day

Ahh, not on here remember. On here you need to compromise everything you want to make sure that your guests have the cheapest day possible. And on here a registry office and lunch at a pub is the ideal wedding, not grim as fuck.

Don't listen to the people on here. Getting married is special and nit an every day occurrence. It is about you, your relationship and your lives together. It is a reason to celebrate, push the boat out and do something you both enjoy and not pander to highly strung guests who think it should be about them.

I'm getting married later this year and we have booked a castle in Scotland. We are inviting people to join us and all the people we want there will be there because they know it's important to us to get married where we want.

Well it means you have to spend the time you are abroad with all your guests. I hate destination weddings and you’d be fine if I was your guest cause I’d just say no.
the guests end up in a destination they probably wouldn’t choose. On holiday with a crowd they probs wouldn’t ordinarily choose to holiday with and there’s a couple in there thinking it’s all about them and you don’t get to have a relaxed holiday. Nah.

@askingaquestionaboutthis
I agree that weddings should be all about you-but you do have to think about who you want to be there with you and whether it will be possible for them.

And I know you probably won't reply to this, but PLEASE think about having proper protections in place for you and your children. Talk to a solicitor. A lot can happen in 3 years.

This is not necessarily true, it depends on the destination. I think Greek weddings are legally recognised.

Weddings cost what you are willing to pay! Abroad is only cheaper because there's fewer guests and less fancy than most U.K. weddings.

Mine is coming in at £4,500 all in - church, dresses, cake, car, photos, exclusive hire of the top floor of local gastro pub, musicians, food and drink. 50 guests. To get it for this price we are using local businesses we know, walking distance from home for reception, negotiating hard, student for photography, local baker etc. oh and he's wearing his own suit, as is best man (buying them matching ties and hankies though that match bridesmaids, all bought online). We could have saved a further £1500 by just having a meal at a local restaurant, no evening reception, but we know the musicians well and wanted them specifically.

Honestly abroad like for like isn't really cheaper as there's hidden costs like your apostille certificate (yes had to look this up for a family member) extra luggage etc. Santorini isn't cheap either.

Have the wedding you can afford, obviously but I can't imagine this coming in cheaper. The cheapest option I found was church (or registry office) followed by back room of local club (once conservative club I believe) who quoted £100 to rent the room for the day as long as we didn't bring our own drink in! Local catering firm quoted £20 per head for a hot and cold 3 course buffet, plus cheese board and charcuterie for evening snacks.

OP, when we got married (in the UK) we paid for accommodation for my bridesmaids, to acknowledge all their support... If we'd done it abroad I'd have paid their travel as well.

If you can't do this for the Santorini wedding then that's a reason to do it in the UK I think. It's shit for people you love to have to scrimp and save just to celebrate your wedding with you (which is ultimately a self-indulgent - although lovely - celebration!)

Glad you are aware of researching the legal aspect of marrying abroad - though you will not be thinking about it now - does it affect any divorce in home country?

When my daughter was bridesmaid at an Indian wedding all her expenses were paid including the flight and hotel - they were very wealthy though - it was a 3 day wedding.

I'd not attend one unless it's a destination I really wanted to go (say vegas)

Having a holiday with family plus grooms family doesn't sound great fun.

I'd prefer a mid week uk wedding as cost far less for hotel and train and time off work. Would only be 2-3 days max.

Plenty of uk hotel weddings quoted as £5k for up to 50 around the country -off season times.

East Lothian.... beautiful but get a thermal wedding dress and wellies and waterproofs. Yes you can have beautiful weather especially may and June when we get our one day of summer up here but it can be freezing with the wind.

Also the beaches are really not great and over the other side of the island from the picturesque bit. There are lots of nice beaches in the Mediterranean but Santorini doesn’t have any of them!

Thanks all. I've browsed a few UK venues near us (Northumberland) and they are stunning so I'm now leaning towards this! Hopefully I can convince DP to shift on his wedding abroad wish🤞🏻