Need some quick opinions on this pls - DH sending Pic of himself to colleague

[needquickopinions]

About 8 months ago, I found lots of texts on DH phone to a female colleague. Nothing sexual or inappropriate, but shed loads of texts about work, colleagues etc. He's 51, she is late 30's. Sometimes it was texting all day and sending stupid photo's of their dinner and stuff. I wasn't very happy and made this clear and it seemed to calm down.

This morning, I've seen on his phone, that out of the blue he has sent her a photo of himself, in his uniform, so nothing sexy, but why? It opens a dialogue again. Not sure whether I'm unreasonable to be annoyed. What do you wise ladies think?

Don’t worry OP, your history and his inappropriateness in the past are contributors to how you reacted.
At least he knows not to try anything !

Good outcome though !

Hang on a minute - he never actually had a history of cheating but she was snooping around, going through his phone, got it all completely wrong about him and this other woman - and HE is still to blame?

The “men are shit” brigade on MN are tiresome.

He likely didn't stop and maybe just got good at deleting and now is a bit lax. I wouldn't be happy with my DH needlessly texting a woman and not would he want me doing it. Sorry OP sounds like there's definitely something going on or at the very least, he wants something to be going on

You need to catch up

@JustWhatWeDontNeed just came back to say ignore this, I've since caught up 😂

What is the uniform, as this casts light on the purpose of sending photos. My man would be out on his arse if he did this. One photo, I'd forgive as naiave but no more. Why so close with a much younger woman? You obviously don't trust him as you're looking at his phone. Does he share the photos with you, as in 'aw look at the funny thing Sharon sent' or not. I'd be furious and wouldn't trust him again, it's extremely disrespectful to you to behave like this to another woman. Horrible, in fact.

You need to RTFT. He didn't even send the photo.

Ok that’s a such a relief for you op and very reassuring. But don’t flagellate yourself or feel guilty for your mix up. We all fuck up and his reaction is the stuff of forgiveness, understanding and love. As it should be.

But if this was the other way round, and it was the man going through a woman’s phone and confronting her when nothing sexual was talking place, people on MN would not be using the language of understanding and forgiveness. They would be talking about “red flags” and “control” and urging her to leave him.

Double standards.

Well not quite.
There was a “ red flag” previously when he was messaging a woman 20 years younger and investing a lot of time in her.

The dh stopped when confronted as he realised it was getting out of hand.
That does impact on trust, whether he was up to something or not, as the op had no way of knowing for sure. She was taking his word for it.

Thanks everyone! Sorry to not have updated, I had a very rare day out with friends this afternoon. I am a grade A twat, clearly. I sometimes think I have PTSD from ExH cheating, I really do. I was so blindsided and I’m clearly not better. It took me a few hours this morning to feel normal as in my head my marriage was crumbling over something he hadn’t even done! Clearly I am damaged goods! I’ve apologised, he has been lovely. I’m so sorry to have wasted people’s time on this. I think when you’ve been so hurt in the past it’s hard to move on. Clearly!! I feel like such a fool!

Oh OP, please dont describe yourself as Damaged Goods.
You made an understandable mistake based on past experiences and your DH has crossed the line before with what you felt comfortable with.
At least you hadnt thrown all his stuff out an consulted a lawyer 😀