Need some quick opinions on this pls - DH sending Pic of himself to colleague

[needquickopinions]

About 8 months ago, I found lots of texts on DH phone to a female colleague. Nothing sexual or inappropriate, but shed loads of texts about work, colleagues etc. He's 51, she is late 30's. Sometimes it was texting all day and sending stupid photo's of their dinner and stuff. I wasn't very happy and made this clear and it seemed to calm down.

This morning, I've seen on his phone, that out of the blue he has sent her a photo of himself, in his uniform, so nothing sexy, but why? It opens a dialogue again. Not sure whether I'm unreasonable to be annoyed. What do you wise ladies think?

Which uniform? Makes a difference

Sounds a bit off to me

So sorry you are having to put up with that, I would address it because I would not be happy about that! X

Sounds like something is going on.
Emotional affair, maybe more.

Did you see anything else on his phone?

I'd be raging! Would he be happy with you sending a picture of yourself to a male colleague?

He's fishing for a response from her, for that endorphin rush that you get when someone validates you when they reply.

It feels like the early stages of an emotional affair, and it would suggest that he's quite needy and looking for those sorts of affirmations outside of your relationship.

I'd ask him to clarify why he needs to do this.

He hasn’t really opened it up. You made it clear you weren’t happy and it calmed down. But it didn’t stop.

If he agreed it was inappropriate and promised to stop then at this point I would be very angry. If he promised to reduce it and has, but you still feel uncomfortable then you need to tell him that.

I wouldn’t be happy either.

Very understandable why you’re feeling frustrated and maybe even betrayed by this situation, as I would. Particularly after setting clear boundaries before, this new interaction would be upsetting.

You’ll have to have a conversation about why he felt the need to send that photo (though I expect some kind of lame explanation).

Sorry this is happening, it’s such an avoidable action but can cause unnecessary strain in relationships. You’re not alone in finding this behaviour perplexing, and I hope you’re able to find clarity and resolution soon ❤

Police Uniform. There haven't been any messages for a few months, then he sent that pic with a caption. I'm going to grab his phone and look again for the exact caption. He is asleep.

The thing is, he agreed to stop it so knew it was inappropriate from last time.
It probably never stopped .

It’s disrespectful isn’t it ?
Do you want to stay with him ?

Obviously he’s destroying trust within your marriage so you wouldn’t be unreasonable to want to walk away from it all and leave them to it .

There’s definitely something happening; based on what you’ve said her responses are, I’d suspect it’s all in his head and she just thinks it’s colleagues having friendly chat, whereas he’s angling for something more.

The question is, do you ignore it and hope it settles down? Do you warn him to think very carefully about what he’s about to throw away, because he won’t be able to get it back? Or do you tell him that you asked him to stop, he hasn’t done, so now you’re considering your next options and, in the meantime, he’s on the sofa?

I couldn't be with a man who is thinking of another woman the whole time. He's in emotional affair territory and believe me, it will get physical if not stopped in its tracks, or if she gives him the green light.
I'm so sorry.

Could be be deleting other messages and hadn't deleted that one?A lone photo seems odd.You might be able to check the recycle bin in his phone messages.Sorry op.

She knows exactly what she's doing as well. You don't message a married colleague incessantly throughout the day.

He's hoping to restart the dialogue.

Right. No chat since last October. Unless he has deleted of course. Then late February he has sent a pic of himself with the caption "Found this photo on my phone" and it's a pic of him in his Police uniform. She has not replied. So it's very vanilla, but my question is WHY? It's not something I would do. If I challenge him, I will look like a nutter, because it's just a vanilla photo. But I'm not very happy. How would you get this across without looking crazy? Would love to know how you would frame this.

How do I check the recycle bin? It's an I phone.

I agree. It’s inappropriate and I wouldn’t do it. But I’ve seen so many responses from people on here insisting that it’s all innocent on their side and they’re just responding to texts sent by the male colleague, so I was trying to give her the benefit of the doubt.

And police culture is different from many other jobs. It fosters a closeness you wouldn’t necessarily find in an office environment.

Boredom, loneliness, dissatisfaction, who knows ...

But he will be attracted to her. Men don't have these interactions with women they don't fancy.

too right where says edit go on recently deleted

I wonder why it is that these men say it's innocent yet are never sending photos of themselves in their uniform to Keith, the 60 year old man in HR 🤔

I doubt he ever stopped messaging her, he's probably been deleting them.

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They are in FB messenger. I can't see how to check for deleted messages?

He's in bed and I am sitting here not knowing what to do. I'm hungover, so not in the best state and I don't know whether to explode when he gets up. I know I will look like a crazy person, because it's just a photo of him in his uniform, nothing sexy, but it feels off.

He was fishing for attention. Are there any messages to any other women?

Make sure you take a photo of it with your own phone, unless he can get in your phone.