Need some quick opinions on this pls - DH sending Pic of himself to colleague

[needquickopinions]

About 8 months ago, I found lots of texts on DH phone to a female colleague. Nothing sexual or inappropriate, but shed loads of texts about work, colleagues etc. He's 51, she is late 30's. Sometimes it was texting all day and sending stupid photo's of their dinner and stuff. I wasn't very happy and made this clear and it seemed to calm down.

This morning, I've seen on his phone, that out of the blue he has sent her a photo of himself, in his uniform, so nothing sexy, but why? It opens a dialogue again. Not sure whether I'm unreasonable to be annoyed. What do you wise ladies think?

I wouldnt, unless i was interested romantically.

Does he have Snapchat ?
Secret Messages on Messenger?

You’ll feel like you’re going crazy because you don’t know for sure what’s going on.
He caused this to happen to your marriage.
Trust’s gone.

I agree men & women should be able to be friends, all innocent & above board.
Speaking from experience though it could be verging on emotional affair territory.
I see that he's a few years older than her & she's asked him to stop as it makes her feel uncomfortable. Is he senior to her? I'd be concerned about any potential accusations if he continues to message her and the affect it could have on his career.

OOh check out the "cool wives"
You are uncomfortable with this OP and you are the one closest to it so you have all the info/context whereas we dont. You asked him to stop and he agreed and now hes doing it again so you have to ask yourself why .
Its not a marriage breaker IMO but you need to give him one last warning and then decide what to do if he behaves like this again.
As for men and women being just friends maybe its possible but I had a very close male friend at Uni, both in relationships and nothing other than friendship, I would have absolutely sworn on that. We met up around a year after we left Uni and long story short we got drunk and have been married for 22 years

As someone upthread said, he's not messaging 60 year old Kevin from accounts is he-

This keeps getting trotted out on threads like this. He probably is messaging Kevin as well. I'd say most men have multiple chat threads. My husband has WhatsApp conversations with various friends, colleagues, other fathers from school, my brother, etc. They send each other stupid messages and photos, or comment on the football all the time. It's only when one of them is a woman that everyone on Mumsnet shouts affair. Seeing as she's going through his phone anyway, the OP should see how many other chats he has.

It’s a tough one as the shift work and type of work in policing makes you connect with colleagues a lot more than other jobs (and why there are so many affairs). Spending a long time together in a car attending traumatic or adrenaline inducing events and having to have the trust in the other person that they will have your back if someone is violent. Sometimes the friendships appear weirdly deep but they can just be friendships.

There could be an innocent explanation- the picture could have been taken on a day before something big happened on duty, could be a new bit of kit or first time in uniform?

Omg I’m such an idiot. As soon as he came down I confronted him. He had no idea what I was on about. He gave me his phone to show him, which I did. He did not send her the photo, she sent it to him! As in “look at this old pic of you I found”. He replied with a laughing emoji. Nothing since. Obviously this puts a completely different spin on things.

In my previous marriage I was cheated on, so I’m always on the look out. He could have been angry with me for snooping, but he was lovely. Told me how much he loves me etc and that he will never be like my ex.

Jeepers I feel like such a twat!

Can’t get past the hysteria on here and extreme responses.

so they haven’t messaged for six months and he sends and innocent image of himself, possibly they were discussing about uniforms when they started or something and he sent it through. It’s hardly the come on of the century is it.

quite frankly I’d not bat an eye lid over this.

Look, you have been cheated on before and Your H is in a profession known for shagging eachother so I think you deserve a pass here.
Its good that it wasnt what you thought and hopefully know you can both move on.
Caveat though, don't doubt your instincts so much that you ignore anything that does scream "affair"

I wouldn’t trust a policeman, let alone one sending photos of themselves to another woman.

Maybe read the update...

Incessantly messaging another woman and sending her random photos of him in his police uniform is not ‘nothing’. While the content is innocent at this stage, I guarantee the motivation behind it is not. You don’t look for constant reasons to message someone you’re not interested in.

*didn’t refresh the thread before posting.

I text my male colleagues a lot and we often share photos of what we’re doing.

But I would find it odd that he’s sent a photo of himself, especially with no message to explain it.

It sounds like he has a crush on her but it’s very much one way.
He thought he looked handsome and so sent her a photo hoping she’d say so.

I would be secretly annoyed that he did this but because they haven’t actually done anything wrong then there’s not a lot you can do about it.

Just read your update 🤭

This is one of the reasons why I don’t believe in snooping through someone’s phone.

If my partner has gone through my phone u would end things, you are very lucky OP!

I text with one or two male colleagues and about three female colleagues. All work stuff and work gossip. Noting romantic there at all.

I have only ever had one issue where a wife shouted at me at a wedding to stop talking to her husband! Very embarrassed for her. He was mortified.

This is a pretty prime example of how easily these threads could destroy a marriage over absolutely nothing. It's kinda scary how quick people are to criticise and scream "affair" with absolutely zero evidence.

'Constant reasons for messaging' AKA a conversation.

OP read the chat and it was all innocent and two way.

Anyway, following the update the husband sounds lovely. Not sure I'd have been so understanding.

Again, older male forcing “friendship” with a much younger female colleague. I’m embarrassed for them.

Yes quite - it’s unusual to send something like that to a work colleague.

Does he actually work with her?

That’s a brilliant update

Of course they can. But it's obvious this is more than a friendship on his part.

Well that changes things if it wasn't him that sent it!

This isn’t good op. I understand being cheated on but you either trust him or you don’t. I really don’t feel your behaviour in snooping is ok

Read the update and I think you owe her an apology as it was absolutely not clear.

How so?