AIBU to have let my 11 yr old get a piercing at the top of her ear?

[thistooshallarse]

11 yr old got her ears pierced for the first time at 10 yrs old - the standard 2 studs in her lobes

She recently asked if she could get a single extra stud at the top of her ear and
I didn't see why not.

I have since gathered from a few reactions that letting her do this was outrageous, and that absolutely none of her friends would be allowed this. I don't understand why.

Blue Banana state age 13 so ask if she'll wait until then and get it done at one of their branches. You pay more but they pierce with needles (not a gun), use steel or titanium body jewellery and I've not had any issues with any of my piercings from them. Gun piercings into cartilage are not a good idea at all. Anyone who offers that really isn't someone you should trust to give you a decent piercing.
Yes she'll have to avoid sleeping on that side for a bit but she'll get used to that.

www.bluebanana.com/en_GB/body-piercing-information

Each to his own if you allow it, but as others have said, helix piercings can be an absolute pain to heal and hurt to sleep on.

id be amazed if you can find a piercer who will do it on an 11 year old. Oh and please, please, please don’t get it done with a gun!!

I don't think I'd trust a studio that would be willing to do a cartilage piercing on an 11yo. As others have said they are a completely different ball game to a lobe piercing.

Other parents are a pain in the ass! I wouldn't think a thing on it, good for you. I personally won't let 13 year old son get a perm as an example as I know it can mess up the hair and the chemical issues. He keeps asking. Again I wouldn't want a tattoo but the ear piercing is no big deal . I cringe when I see 2 year olds with piercings but maybe I should just chill out on that, I don't know 🤷‍♀️.

I let my son go off on main roads alone cycling and have done since 11. I know I'm the only one who allows certain things in his class like that - but he is so capable and responsible and other parents can just stick their own anxiety up their backside. I think it's a good idea to NEVER ask parents their opinion on your parenting in real life ( not here where we can be anonymous). If anyone makes negative comments then just own it with absolute confidence! It's really no big deal. I like the fact you went against the grain. I imagine other folk feel jealous of that confidence you have when you allow something like that tbh, hence the judgement. It's hurting no one at end of the day.

@Pantaloons99 I don't understand why you are so worried about your son getting a perm but then say that piercings are no big deal? A perm grows out, you can cut it out of needed, but a cartilage piercing is a hole intentionally made on the body with a high chance of causing pain and infection. I know which I'd prefer my teen to have!

I also work in Children’s Services. Your Legal dept need to update their training and understanding of piercings. Tattoos are irrelevant as it is illegal for under-18s to get one, so if anyone is tattooing children they need to be urgently reported and investigated. From a piercing point of view, needles are safer (less tissue damage) and more hygienic (single use and thrown away - a gun cannot be properly sterilised in between clients).

Obviously children should only be taken to reputable studios. But any decent APP registered studio will not use guns.

I started my period three months before turning twelve. At the time I was convinced that when I grew up, I was going to be a famous Hollywood actress and get married to Leonardo DiCaprio. I also still played with dolls.

Breast size and menstruation don’t mean much of anything when it comes to mental maturity.

no-one should be piercing with a gun, its traumatic and so much more likely to cause problems. Claires in particular are butchers and shouldn't be piercing anyone.

Guns and cartilage are a MASSIVE NO, they risk shattering the cartilage.

All piercings are safer done by a professional piercer with a needle.

@WitsEnd10 or @colouredball can you get insurance to do the procedure for u16s? Genuinely interested. It would be a lot easier if we could give permission to angry teenagers, I'm not trying to defend it (maybe not a cartilage piercing for an 11yr old but for older ones...)

I had a perm and it wrecked my hair structure. I also have a multitude of autoimmune conditions and have hyper reactions to chemicals. My conditions are highly heritable ; my son reacts strongly like me. So my situation and decision is personal to my circumstances.

If I saw another 13 year old with a perm, I wouldn't have a view at all - I doubt their circumstances are similar to mine. Ref the ear piercing, I hear you on risk of infection. I think that risk could be well managed. The decision in my view most certainly doesn't warrant judgement based on level of risk to child's health.

@ArcticOwl - my first helix was done with a gun and yes, it damaged the cartilage and was taken out.
It was done again with a needle and have never had a problem in the 30+ years I've had it.

Mine took about two years to heal fully, and I had to do warm sea salt water soaks twice a day for the first three months.

I'm not 100% sure about an 11 year old getting one but if she's hell bent on it, then make sure it's done with a needle not a gun.

My suspicion is a decent piercer would not do it.

My dd needed to be 16 to have her nose cartilage pierced,

Not my experience at all, they've all healed fine.

Won't let dds who are 12 though, because school will make them take it out.

They have double lobes which also aren't allowed but they and all the rest of them wear those little plastic things to get round it. Wouldn't work in cartlidge.

@idontlikealdi - the plastic retainers can be used in cartilage piercings. Our school changed the rules on us 6 months after they were done (within rules at the time) and eventually grudgingly allowed her to have these instead of removing them.

I like to think I'm relatively relaxed about things, but idk about this one. I think a cartilage piercing should be left until older - year 10 maybe? No idea why I think that though!!

I would be fine with getting another in the lobes though.

Not sure if people are being deliberately obtuse about my point re piercers not using needles on young teens

@bleughgreen I haven't said a good piercer would choose a gun. I've said that in my experience proper piercers - who only use needles - won't do the piercings on u16s because they're not insured. NOT that they would go oh I'm not insured to use a needle so hang on let me grab a shitty Claire's accessories gun instead! They'd just say they wouldn't do it. Good piercers have plenty of business without risking their studio by piercing tweens.

When I lived in the US DD’s paediatrician did ear piercing, with a gun! It’s pretty common over there apparently. So I don’t know they’re as bad as people often make out on here?? Obviously a medical doctor knows a lot more about hygiene and infection than a piercer with a needle so if they’re happy to use a gun they surely can’t be that bad… They’d do it anytime after the first set of shots so happy to do tiny babies too.

Decent piercers will typically pierce lobes for children from the age of 8 and use needles for those, not a gun. I agree they won’t do any cartilage piercings under 16, but it’s not true they won’t use needles as this is how they will do lobe piercings.

I use Holier Than Thou in Manchester. They will do children’s lobes with a needle from age of 8 and they are very strict on ID. Cartilage piercings are for 16+ and intimate piercings 18+.

@Tygertiger that takes me back, had my nose done by them years ago when I was at uni!
I know lobes are low risk so less of an issue for kids, it's similar to how most hairdressers won't use permanent hair dyes on children (untested/uninsured) but many will be ok with doing a balayage or highlights that don't start from the root because there's little chance of a skin reaction then.

I would have said no.

If’s a different piercing: through cartilage.

Piercings like that and the look is an adult look. A more advanced body modification for the purpose of your looks, not what I choose to enable in my children.

I didn’t know piercing places did these sort of piercings on children.

Absolutely, I’ve always had insurance that covers needle piercings for all ages until I changed career direction two years ago. I personally did lobes 8+, all other ear piercings/nostril/lip 13+ with parent present (also required ID from the child and parent to confirm they’re actually a parent) all other piercings 16+, apart from nipples and genitals 18+.

They’re awful, they cause tissue damage which needles don’t and they’re unsanitary as they can’t be sterilised (even the single use ones haven’t been sterilised prior to use). Any doctor using a piercing gin should be struck off.

As someone with multiple ear piercings I’d hold off her getting this one for a while. As pp have said healing takes upwards of 6 months for cartilage piercings and sleeping/knocking/hair getting twisted in it all delay healing. I’d wait until she is at a more responsible age to manage her own healing of it.