A word of warning to mums

[BlondiesHaveMoreFun]

They leave you. I had many years of bliss with my babies. And they are doing SO well. But they bugger off! My Daughter is in Australia and my son is in America. This isn’t how I thought my life would pan out.

I've lived abroad for a few stints, which I really enjoyed. I've encouraged my DS to do the same, but I know I would miss him so much, but I would definitely visit, my parents never visited me, which I understand for Australia, but western Europe not that hard to get to. I hope he'd eventually settle down near me.

I really understand your point of view. My DS had a great relationship with his grandparents, now deceased, and I'd love to be close to any grandchildren I might have.

Well, I’m sure it’s just the same if you go there once for a week, really.

Aww! Mine is young still but you should be very proud of them! They'll get so much life experience. I went abroad at 20 and it did me the world of good. And be proud of yourself too, you've brought up two independent adults 🙂

If you choose to only go on holiday for one week, or to never revisit anywhere, then that is fine. Good for you.

Not sure why you'd assume everyone is the same though.

I think this subject touches a real sore spot for some people, which is why they need to bitterly attack anyone who chose a different path. I only really ever see it on these threads.

A lot of British people just have a really weird attitude to peoole choosing to live abroad, like it’s some kind of personal rejection of your family for better weather or something.

What a lovely way to speak about your children.

I am four down, two to go...one will be later this year.

Happy tears. Sad that they are moving on but happy that they feel able to.

Yes they do go but if you invested the rest of your life into them, then you did life wrong. And you stand a huge chance of being "that" mother\ in law.....be careful.

Embrace your new life as they are embracing theirs.

Said no one who has ever been the single mother of dick head teens....

FYI all teens are dicks in greater or lesser amounts and being a single parent means that there is no escape.

if your child is 15 could you leave them at home for a few hours every now and then so you can go out or go on a date?

I bet you miss them OP. Do you get to see them much? I hope my kids take opportunities like that but I’d miss them desperately. Thank goodness for FaceTime.

I understand where your coming from OP. My sister hasn’t heard from her son since he left university and emigrated to Australia. She freely admits that everything she did for him was just a waste of time ; if she had known she would have left him to get on with it.

What was their relationship like over the years and before he left. It seems unlikely he’d not contact a parent he was close to. Regardless, she had a duty to care for him as a child so to say everything she did for him was a waste of time may be telling.

Our families ( DH’s and mine) are very scattered so I’m completely expecting mine to go off into the sunset. DD (18) has already made a start by choosing to go to a uni that’s a three-hour plane ride away! 😂

I suppose because it’s normal for us, It doesn’t bother me much. I wanted to bring up a family and I’m content with that choice, I suppose.

My 3 oldest adult children are living 2 -3 hours away. Visit regularly. It is the best outcome I think. When they have been overseas for a year I have felt panicky. I completely understand OP. Hopefully you will feel more relaxed as time goes on.

Sure we love our kids but building your whole life around them is not healthy for the parents or children

No wonder people complain constantly about mental health issues

He was trouble. She was constantly being called in by the school until he was permanently excluded. She finally found a private school who were able to do something with him. Quite how he qualified for university is totally down to them. He tried to drop out at least twice and was call in by the university authorities but she managed to keep his place.

He was seen by numerous educational psychologists whilst at school and was given extra tuition but he never showed any gratitude or offered any apologies.

He finally graduated with a 3rd but only just.

Both her daughters qualified for medical school, dispute the disruption he caused within the family.

Hopefully he’ll stay in Australia.

Yes, and then they can call us or video call.
Some people seem lost when children leave home.
After some adjusting, it's time for Mums to have a life and live.
I had a male friend seem to think, "They will leave one day."
I wouldn't be able to cope...he has no interests, whereas some of us do.
That being said, I have an adult child.
Get a cat or dog!

I'm a dd in my 40's and works away a lot, I travelled from 18 to 20 and lived in the US for 3 years, both my parents were really supportive, but I knew they missed me.

My lovely mum is no longer alive but I left the US to come home and be closer to my parents. Now it's just dad my sibling and I feel that just as they took care of us it's our turn to take care of dad, to be around and be there when he needs us. It was great being all over the world but nothing beats being close to my family.

I'm really grateful my parents taught me to be independent and follow my dreams I never felt tied. Yours might be the same op and later on come home again.

It's not just the British. Moving to another country isn't the norm for the majority of the world.

It's fantastic that people feel able to live the lives that they want to, and some people just have a desire to wander. There are pros and cons to each way of life.

But let's not pretend it's only the British where the majority of the population doesn't move away from family.

In my culture for example, multi-generational households are the norm. Maybe I would have felt differently if I had been used to not being around wider family if my parents had moved away without everyone else.

You are allowed to be happy for them and proud of them but also sad and a bit broken. They aren’t mutually exclusive.

Mine are at university and I know at least one wants to work abroad if they can. I am steeling myself for that and will smile and congratulate them if it happens whilst being a bit heartbroken inside.

I also know that when they settle down, I will definitely drop down the pecking orders and their own families will come first. Which is absolutely how it should be.

It is sad when you are close but it is important they truly fly the nest. And that’s why also it is important that we forge and maintain identities outside parenthood. Through friends, hobbies, work etc. I have never lost sight of that. So many mums seem to have no life apart from their kids. It’s a risky route.

Presumably you could if you wanted to? You’ve got a 15 year old and that’s quite old enough to do a bit of baby sitting and let you have some time to yourself.

That means you’ve done a good job and raised them to be confident and independent.
Are they in Aus/US permanently? I spent between 18-30 working abroad and backpacking (including 2 years in the US and two in Aus). Best thing I did. My parents saved up and came out on a few trips and we travelled together which was amazing.

My sister and I both left the country we were born in so I fully expect my children to do something similar. They are adults and older teens now and their independence is scary I agree

Put perfectly 😊

That's literally the point of parenting