A word of warning to mums

[BlondiesHaveMoreFun]

They leave you. I had many years of bliss with my babies. And they are doing SO well. But they bugger off! My Daughter is in Australia and my son is in America. This isn’t how I thought my life would pan out.

My eldest DS is autistic. No GCSEs, 25 years old, never had a job, has always lived with us. Unlikely to bugger off to Australia or even another part of the city we live in.

DH's younger brother has enduring MH issues and is now living with PILs in his 40s, he probably will continue to do so until they move to a retirement home.

This is so sad :( I will miss mine so much too! Can you afford to visit often?

My sentiments exactly!

Treasure each minute because it goes so quickly. The days are long but the years are short, as they say.
Mine are all late teens/early 20s now and I can feel them slipping away. Where the hell did the time go? It only feels like yesterday they were little.

Of course they spread their wings and that’s as it should be but it bloody well hurts 😢

Your child is only 15 and you wish they would fuck off? 😳

How can you be surprised? Id be grateful and proud to have adventurous and independent children. I’d be disappointed if mine just stayed local their whole lives. You cannot plan or assume they will live near you.

It’s sad of course but it’s a sign you’ve done a good job as a parent. Your children are confident and independent.

A friend of mine won’t make any plans for retirement because ‘I’ll go wherever my children are, I need to be near my grandchildren.’ Her children are in their 20s and not in relationships. I think it’s a bit stifling for her kids especially the expectation that they will produce grandchildren for her.

Give them wings so they can fly.

Hmmm, this is why I consciously prepare my plan for the next few stages of life. All going well, they will head off into the world. Ideally abroad for some years but then back nearer home to have their own families. I don’t get to decide that so if that’s not how it happens that’s ok too. But once they’re gone, I plan to travel and take full advantage of my returning freedom BUT with the knowledge that I’ve children of my own in the world. I’m sure they’ll need things at times but I’m ok with them selfishly forgetting to ring their mum while away and building their lives.

My parents left me when I was 19, they went to New Zealand

Your child is only 15 and you wish they would fuck off? 😳

We don't know that particular poster's circumstances. Maybe she has had a really shitty day. It's ok to vent sometimes.

I didn't. When my mum got ill I moved her in with me.

Weird thread.

What an amazing job you’ve done.
Be happy for them.
And you have a life to live too.

I couldn’t imagine doing this. My H would, but I’ve told my kids I won’t leave them here alone.

My oldest two are ot living in the same country as we do - I am happy that they do what they love!

I cheered and did a conga when mine left home.
Then revelled in the peace and quiet.

I get it OP . We all want our children to be happy wherever they live in the world but obviously living here would be my preference.
I will be in the same situation as you soon. One son in Canada and other son going to Oz in the summer. Am absolutely dreading the thought of my two boys being so far away.
Thank god for FaceTime and I will be visiting son in Oz next year and son in Canada this July.

You have done a great job in raising independent, adventurous adults! I lived abroad for most of my twenties in 6 countries but I did settle 50 miles from my parents at the age of 30. Got married at 33 and had DC aged 35. I would definitely want my dc to travel and pursue their dreams but I would miss them like crazy and worry about them staying permanently!

DC are 10 and 12 and not v interested in travel - dd12 has ASD, high functioning but in her own little world, and dd10 is very home loving and not v adventurous. They both say they want to live round the corner!

Congratulations 🥇 👏 🥳

You have successfully raised 2 independent human beings.

I'm currently 1 down (well almost!), 1 to go... 2nd is a teenager, happy to send him to yours. Just as a little reminder of what it is like 😉.

I understand why you’re sad about it @BlondiesHaveMoreFun.

One of mine lives 3 hours away, the other an hour and a bit but he’s in the army so he’s all over the world a lot. I’m happy that they’ve been able to grow and choose their own path but I do miss them. We’ve, also, got a little baby grandson who I miss immensely.

I understand OP. My oldest DS live a 25 hour flight away and DS2 moved out to uni last year. Just us and DD at home.

It's a tough adjustment. I cried for 6 months after DS1 left. He loves his new home town so I hold little hope of ever having my three in the same city.

Have your DC moved permanently?

Just came back to say. At one point me and 3 of my brothers and sisters all lived away. Some in other countries. Eventually we all returned home.

I think it's a defense mechanism. Same as with other contentious subjects (breast/bottle etc.) people need to believe that theirs is the best way.

Personally I don't understand it but that may be my culture. Growing up I benefited from a wide net of grandparents, aunts, cousins. Best memories were when both grandmas moved in with us to a bigger house. I felt so secure and loved.

Now our children have the same.

My "D"M still hadn't forgiven me for moving to the US and her horrible tantrums and guilt tripping to try and stop me going just made me determined not to come back.

You don't sound the same at all OP, but just a warning to some posters that if you try and keep them close, you could actually push them away forever.

Oh OP I feel ya!
Mine are growing up too fast. My eldest, just turned 18 is out drinking tonight and has just texted to see if she can please go to an after party and stay out at her friend's house (cos her dad was to do lifts). She's a good girl who's just starting out as a woman and beginning to do things like nights out drinking and she's a real innocent. No boys so far (thank fk!)
I was living on my own at 16 and had been out drinking regularly from around 15 or so as we all did so I can see DD is really, really far behind many of her peers but I love it.
It's killing me that my bright, independent girl is getting more independent (she did Uni courses while still in school, got her own PT job and has been accepted to 3 Universities without any involvement from me and her dad) and I'm still looking at her like she's a little 8 year old into Doc McStuffins and Sofia the First!