A word of warning to mums

[BlondiesHaveMoreFun]

They leave you. I had many years of bliss with my babies. And they are doing SO well. But they bugger off! My Daughter is in Australia and my son is in America. This isn’t how I thought my life would pan out.

It is funny isn't it, we encourage them to head off to University then follow their work and travel then they end up far away from family when they have children and have to cope alone and we miss them.

I hope you have some adventures too @Beezknees !

DH and I moved from London to Quebec last year. DT’s have started their graduate jobs - one in Amsterdam and one in Brussels. We still manage to see each other frequently but I’m so pleased at their independence and what brilliant adults they have become.

You genuinely don’t get why guilt-tripping your children into restricting their lives to wherever you happen to live might be a bad thing?

15 was the very age that I wished they’d fuck off the most! By the time they were 18/19 that stage had passed, thank god. Then eventually they left and I was bereft. Then they came back and it was much easier to let them go second/third time around.

I can't speak for that poster but I wasn't 'guilt-tripped' into staying near my family.

I wanted to, because I adore them and couldn't stand the thought of not being able to be with them regularly. I wanted my dc to have a large, secure family around them and love the deep relationship they have with their grandparents.

The people that move away will love their family too, but people have different feelings and priorities.

There is no need to get nasty about it or start insinuating a poster would be harming their children just because something has hit a nerve.

I want mine at home as long as they want to be.
My oldest two are 26 and 21…….no sign of moving yet. I’d hate them to live abroad. I feel for you op.

@BlondiesHaveMoreFun , I feel for you. It took me a long, long time to adjust to my boy’s independence; they had been my world.
I’ve been to visit my elder son and his family today who live the furthest from me (1 1/2 hrs). I see both boys and their families really often, next week we’re going on a little break to Euro Disney with our younger son and family. I am absolutely blessed.
We bring our children up so that they can be independent, that’s our job and it sounds like you did yours really well. I appreciate your sadness though that both of yours have flown so far from the nest. At least we have video calling but I know that’s not the same. Could you consider a move abroad too?

Not sure why some posters are suggesting the op move abroad. Maybe the kids want to spread their wings?

My sister and I did this to my parents…and now my kids are doing to to me. Eldest is a 14 hours plane ride away. Middle planning on following suit as soon as she graduates. The baby (but not a baby) is never leaving. Never!!!

For those posters saying that it's inevitable, the DC are adults, etc, don't think this is the point of the thread. Yes, adult DC leave home, but the Op was not expecting them to go abroad to live.

I've just the one, she's just turned 14 and I have moments of genuine despair when I think of her being entirely independent and not 'needing' me any more. I want her to see the world, have awesome experiences - but my hope is she'll come back at some point and live next door 😂

I heard this song on a TV program (can't remember what) and it damn near broke me 🥹

But why not? Despite Brexit, there isn’t a wall around the UK.

I've always assumed mine will have to go, if they want decent jobs. They're on loan to me; they don't belong to me.

But then, I couldn't wait to leave home, so I've always just taken for granted that mine will too. I was never really cut out for parenthood, tbh. I'm a bit too happy with my own company.

Mums/parents it's all about roots & wings. Always reassure them their roots are with you but also give the confidence to explore, use their wings and see the world ...a great gift. There's always a home with you where their roots are xx

My adult children are living independently but want to live in the same area as us - it’s a great blessing

Don’t most kids do an independence boomerang? When they’re young they think you know everything and want to be with you, then as young adults they bigger off and think you know nothing, Then when they have their own kids they get back in touch, want to be around you and think you know everything again.

I love being able to do what I want, when I want and having no ties now.
I parented my daughter completely on my own until she moved out at 18.
I miss her of course, but revel in the freedom.

If my kids are confident enough to spread their wings and fly to all corners of the Earth in young adulthood, I will be so proud of them, so happy for them, and so proud of myself for raising such adventurous kids who suck the marrow out of life.

@SloaneStreetVandal

thsnk you got posting that, isn't it beautiful ❤️

also heart breaking.

I'm always a little bemused at the over the top enthusing comments about dc moving away on these threads.

I've lived in the same town as my family all of my life. So have all my siblings.

But I reckon between us we must have travelled most of the world, experienced many different cultures and places.

It seems almost as if some NEED to believe that the only way dc can be seen to be independent and well travelled is if they move to a different country, which statistically is far from the norm and like most things is not wholy positive or negative.

You do you, but the implication that someone who wants to stay close to family is neither independent nor well travelled is very odd.

A mum of one of DD’s friends was so desperate to keep her at home that she offered her a hefty monetary sum and a brand new car if she didn’t go abroad for uni. Madness - of course she went anyway, is loving life and refused all of these bribes from her overbearing mother, good on her!!

I totally understand, and it's extra hard when they move so far away. Hope you get some special time with them soon. X

Its almost as though it’s a real shame to limit yourself to whatever patch of earth you were born on, when there’s a whole world out there.

Odd. I didn't realise the only way to experience travelling the world is actually permanently residing in that place.

But this is exactly the weird defensive cattiness that is always so fascinating on these threads.