To think for £100 a week to live at home I can have a shower every day?

[tryinghere]

I live at home, I work f/t and I'm doing an online course. I pay £100 a week contribution and I am moaned at for spending about 15 minutes a day in the shower.
Admittedly one day I was in there half an hour and accepted that I was in there a long time, I was asked to be more considerate and I did, but, I have reduced it to 15 minutes a day and that's still too long.
Apparently it's not necessary to be in there that long and the rest of the family make sacrifices and go without only showering every other day and using sink and flannel in between, I hate this.

My parents don't have a lot of money but they do have 4 children and my mum chooses to stay at home meaning she chooses that we make sacrifices.
As the oldest, I'm the only one paying my way and don't feel it's unreasonable to shower for 15 minutes a day.
I get my parents choose not to so they can save money but I pay them a lot.
Do I stand my ground on this one and shower away or is 15 minutes ott for £100 a week.

Maybe say when you wash your hair the shower will be 15 mins say once/twice a week and the rest no more than 10 mins. We have told our girls only 15 min showers.

15 mins in the shower or 15mins in the bathroom all up?

if that’s total bathroom time at prime demand time, get a bathrobe, dry your feet and go back to your room to finish off, not forgetting to re hang your towels.

if it’s conditioning time taking up your use, wash your hair before you wash yourself and apply the conditioner before washing your body, get a shower cap to fit over your conditioned skull so it doesn’t immediately wash away.

I certainly wouldn’t skip daily showering though…

find out how big your hot water cylinder is too. If it’s a small one, chances are you are using up all the hot water leaving Luke warm for the others (which I would be having words with you about too).

I think the OP has taken on board all the comments and now realised a more balanced view of the situation. They accepted the comment about their mum was unjust and I think the positive contributions have probably helped them reach a better understanding of what’s reasonable. A good example of AIBU hopefully enabling a positive resolution.

Well done OP. You have taken the comments on board and moved on.

As for showering in the gym, just buy a duplicate set of the toiletries, get a travel bag, and take it with you so you can shower there. You are, after all, paying for that too! And can take as long as you like in the shower.

I think people have been quite harsh on you (but it’s mumsnet so expected! 😂). 15 mins is probably a little much everyday but I wouldn’t say it’s a crazy amount of time to spend!

I’m a mum of 5. If you were my daughter and you were working and studying and contributing as much money as you could, I would be getting a job myself before I told you to only have a shower every other day! I completely understand what you meant by your initial comment.

If both parents were working long hours and still couldn’t pay the bills then fair enough, you cut back where you have to, but it’s a fairly small ask to have a relaxing shower each day! YNBU!

but are op’s parents dependent on her £400 per month contribution? To rent a room in a house with bathroom facilities, I think £400 is pretty reasonable. Depends I guess though on whether this includes food too. My son pays board, but tbh mostly buys and cooks his own stuff as does shifts.

Depends on the shower water pressure

"To rent a room in a house with bathroom facilities, I think £400 is pretty reasonable."

See my previous posts. I suspect they may be making a profit. I think she definitely contributes enough to be able to decide her own shower time, within reason.

Do them a deal OP- would they accept £110 per week for 15 min showers.

I think 15 minutes is fine, yes you can do it quicker but if you enjoy a shower then 15 minutes is not excessive and certainly you should be able to shower every day, especially if you’re working, this isn’t the 1940’s where we all have to make do with a wash cloth and a sink!

As for the comment about your mum not working I understand, my mum chose not to work and it meant we were always skint and never had enough money for treats and I do resent it, she was a university educated woman and she chose to spend 20 years not working with no other reason than she didn’t want to, if she had we maybe could’ve had days out or nice holidays instead of always having to have the cheapest of everything and a house with threadbare carpets that I was embarrassed to bring my friends back to.

Ah, you have made the classic mistake of thinking that you paying for something gives you the right to have all and final say in it without seeing it from others point of view and thinking that all arguments are about the cost of said thing. So glad that it looks like you have seen some of the error of that way of thinking, if not completely all of it.

Please ignore the 5 minute scrubbers on this thread, OP. They can't have very good hygiene, or smell very nice, for very long. I'm thinking they've short, bristle like hair as well if it takes seconds to wash.

You're almost paying your families mortgage/rent for the month and your Mum sounds like a free-loader. I would never ever do this to my 3 children. I work full-time so I can provide for them and so I can provide for my future, but I also have a husband whom works full-time. Even if your Mum is single, I'm sure she can find a WFH job which are quite popular these days, even if she's not single. Or school hours!

Sit down with your Mother and tell her you are paying into that home, not her, not the woman who is supposed to be providing for her children- You are the one providing for those 3 children.

I would take as long as you like and need in that shower, then explain to your Mum that should she choose to get off her backside and work, then she will know what it's like to want to stand under a hot shower because you have been working and studying all day. Explain to her if she wants to be a kept lady, it will not be by your expence, and if she carries on - Her behaviour will have a detrimental negative effect on your future relationship with her and any grandchildren if she continues to be a money trap on her children.

I'm angry for you, OP. I see these threads and wish I had a home big enough to take in the children and young adults let down by the people who should be financially providing for them. Even if it's a 30 minute shower.

Ive just got out of the bath where i have had to use a bowl to rinse my hair. Social housing

Hi, I don't think 15 minutes is to long for a female at all!
I also think £100 a week is a lot and you definitely deserve a shower a day! My daughter pays £200 a month and showers every day, we don't have much money also, but it's not my daughters responsibility to pay for our up keep.

Me too. I’m baffled people are only in there 5 mins or so. It takes me at the very least a good 10 mins to wash my hair and properly clean myself.

I love long, steamy showers and find them quite therapeutic.

I personally don't think 15 minutes is very long.

Keep the longer showers for the gym, and have 5m showers at home. Alternate every other day, if not more at the gym to keep the costs down at home.

Think you can do better? Move out and experience the real world.
Or stay and respect & abide by the house rules.
Ur choice.
Nothing wrong in moving out if u think u can do better elsewhere.
Ur mum can make whatever decisions she wants and so can you. But it's her house and her rules if you chose to live there.

15 minutes for a shower is ridiculously long. Try going camping to a site where you stick in your token and it's a 5min timed shower. And surprisingly you have enough time to wash, shave your legs and armpits, shampoo and condition your hair and rinse off properly.

There are 5/6 other people in the house - what do they do when you use up all the hot water???

How many bathrooms and toilets do you have? I'm assuming you're weren't hijacking the only bathroom and toilet for 30 minutes?

But I suspect you're resentful about contributing £100 per week and want some form of recognition for the fact you're now contributing.

For £14 a day, you're probably getting breakfast and dinner, a roof over your head, your own room, use of washer and dryer, kitchen facilities and heating.

Taking all the hot water as well, seems like passive aggression.

A lot of council-run gyms allow you to pay £5 for a single visit. And they have showers with endless hot water. Why not treat yourself once a month, with any of the facilities and/or an endless, endless, hot shower?

How many bathrooms and toilets do you have? I'm assuming you're weren't hijacking the only bathroom and toilet for 30 minutes

There is a wonderful invention you obviously havent heard of Its called a shower curtain,

Back in the 80s my dad (builder) wanted to knock the wall down between the toilet and the bathroom, DM objected with the same thing trotted out on here "what if someone wants to go to the loo while someone is in the bath"
Forty years later she has physical problems and limited mobility and there is no turning circle for a hoist because the bathroom is too small

@NikkiMartin

you are so right! OP’s parents did choose to have her…tbf she shouldn’t be paying rent at all really. If anything her parents should be giving HER money…I mean, op didn’t ask to be born!

I would question whether you mean 15 minutes in the bathroom total or literally 15 minutes showering plus cleaning shower, brushing teeth, using loo, getting dressed if you do so in the bathroom etc If I wash my hair as well as shower then it can be 30 mins in total as I ensure I clean the bath, remove hair from plug, wipe the loo, wipe the mirror etc If I don't wash my hair then I can do 15 mins in bathroom in total (including using the loo and getting dressed and ensuring clean for next person).

Oh, is that how it works? I’d better get on the phone and tell my elderly mother that she should be paying all my bills!

I disagree that 15 minutes is too long in the shower - that's roughly how long I spend, However, I only shower when I wash my hair, which is every other day. I wash day and night in the basin otherwise to save money.

Their house, their rules. If a 15-minute daily shower is a must for you, could you offer to contribute more?