To think for £100 a week to live at home I can have a shower every day?

[tryinghere]

I live at home, I work f/t and I'm doing an online course. I pay £100 a week contribution and I am moaned at for spending about 15 minutes a day in the shower.
Admittedly one day I was in there half an hour and accepted that I was in there a long time, I was asked to be more considerate and I did, but, I have reduced it to 15 minutes a day and that's still too long.
Apparently it's not necessary to be in there that long and the rest of the family make sacrifices and go without only showering every other day and using sink and flannel in between, I hate this.

My parents don't have a lot of money but they do have 4 children and my mum chooses to stay at home meaning she chooses that we make sacrifices.
As the oldest, I'm the only one paying my way and don't feel it's unreasonable to shower for 15 minutes a day.
I get my parents choose not to so they can save money but I pay them a lot.
Do I stand my ground on this one and shower away or is 15 minutes ott for £100 a week.

We live in a 7 bedroom house in the Southeast and our elec is £100/ month 8kwh/day and gas also /well just under £100pcm
Our council tax is £300pcm and then there’s our food
How do you get through £400 pcm on gas and elec bills and where in the UK the tax more than £400pcm
Just surprised as that’s a lot
Or are you not UK

You're right, it does sound like a completely different situation.

So why bring him up?

You've both got reasonable needs here: you want to have a shower every day, your Mum needs to keep the electricity bill down. The problem here is a lack of resources and as you say, you are contributing towards the household.

Can you do what she wants - 15 min shower every other day and then quietly go to swimming or to the gym every other day? Off peak swimming here is £3.

She pays her fair share.

Wow, I don't know how so many people here manage 5 minute showers. I don't think I have ever managed less than 10 minutes and that's only if I don't use conditioner. My hair is long and can take ages just to rinse all of the suds out. By the time I have washed my whole body and my face and hair it's nearly 15 minutes every time. I shower 6 days a week. If I don't need to go out at the weekend I won't shower one of those days.

She has had the luxury of living at home for £400 a month while earning 24k. My son is unlikely to have that opportunity. Everyone’s circumstances are different. As I said it’s not about the money it’s about how OP disregarded her DM’s choices and degraded her that is so repulsive.

🤣 I know what you've just told me, and that's enough! How privileged to have 50k saved for you at 18, full student loans repaid by mammy and rent paid for 🤣 la la land you live in to attack OP for having a 15min shower

Or maybe you think that by piling into his education you'll benefit financially in the long run, and the idea of that not working - of him being 24 and living at home with £400pcm contribution abhors you 😊

I have a similar situation here in that ds1 pays £400 a month and can easily have 30/40 minute showers every day. He does have ADHD and time just runs away with him. We do have a separate toilet but I ask that he showers at night when nobody’s rushing to get ready for work. If it goes on too long I will give him a knock on the door but he is paying his way and it’s his home. I think he’s entitled to a decent shower and would be happy with him having 15/20 mins.

Ds2 bought a house and moved out last year. I know he thought £400 a month was a lot to pay but he really appreciates how expensive everything is now he’s paying it all himself.

Perhaps you and your Mum could have a chat and work out what would make you both happy.

I don't think 15 minutes is too long for a standard daily shower. I take longer than that when I wash my hair (long).

I don't think it's fair to ask you to flannel wash on alternate days. My teens shower every day and I couldn't tell you how long they're in the shower for as it's not something I keep an eye on.

When my son moved out we saved on not needing a Sky box in his room (extra room), not needing ridiculously fast internet for downloading games, not needing Sky Movies only D's ever watched, food, electricity, and gas too. Overall saving was about £130-£140 per week. So I really doubt OP pays their way fully.

I never attacked her for her 15 minute showers! I was repulsed by the way she berated and degraded her own DM’s decisions in how she has lived her life and advised OP as an adult of 24 years old and earning 24k a year if she is not happy living at home she could easily move out into a house share.

You are making things up!

Also I wanted my son to be a thespian and free spirit. He had his own goals. I see my role as his mother helping him as much as I can. That is what I am trying to do. We are not rich. Both public service employees. Helping out communities. He chose to go into a similar vocation against what I felt but that’s the point he is an adult I can’t live his life for him! If OP is not happy at home she is an adult earning 24k a year at 24 she can choose to move into a house share.

I’m in Liverpool, we don’t get the same central government subsidies as the south so our CT is much higher than London/South East. Our council tax is £4030 for the coming year. Our combined gas/electric over the winter is £380 a month, and that’s with solar panels. Obviously that will be lower once it stops raining 24/7. Food is about £500 a month for 3 of us which is a lot, but I’m gluten free which adds a lot.

Our water is £340 for six months (I only remember this because I just paid the bill)

My daughter moved out a month ago my utilities show a lot less usage already.

@Mountainclimber50

But my earlier point stands. Your duty to your children, and their available finances, appear highly conditional paradigms - dependent upon their complete subservience and respect. Not everyone has that relationship with parent!

You forgot your oh so expensive water in that list. Maybe it was £240 a week?

Of course your daughter's absence is the sole reason your utility usage is less in a spring month than a winter month.

Ok that's extremely low. My water bill from Severn Trent was £429 for one quarter. I have a FS with SN who lies in the bath to relax from anxiety 3 times a day as well as having 1 or 2 showers a day. There is only me, DH and 1 FS living in our home.

OP honestly I think you're fine. I think a 15 minute shower costs about 70p so your showers are about a fiver a week. Explain this to your parents and if need be give them the extra fiver for the sake of peace. I think you are already paying enough though - I say this as a Mum of 5 adult daughters all of which were allowed to shower as much as they liked for as long as they like. I was just grateful that they were looking after themselves and their personal hygiene!

I had no respect for my parents until I moved out, I think it's very difficult to have an adult relationship with a parent when you're living under their roof and living with their house rules.
As soon as I moved out and had an equal relationship with my mum, we became best friends, something we never were when there was frustration at home because I was a grown up who wanted to be independent but was in someone else's home but had certain restrictions by having to respect their house rules.

@caringcarer

I'm sorry that's your bill, that is atrocious.

My gas has been £40 to £50 a week in our 3 bed over winter and electric is around £ 100 a month usage will depend on the age of property, how good your windows and insulation are etc. another place where people in good homes save money and poorer in rented spend more....my sister's two bed rental has windows that don't seal and a front door with a crack you can see light through her heating costs her £80 a week through the winter for one bedroom the sitting room and the bathroom she turns the rest right down and sits under blankets.

Wow that CTax is outrageous!
Maybe your heating costs are higher as you’re further north.
Our heating has been off for a while now but glad of thermals. Temp inside currently 12c but as we re an old Tudor house the heat just goes straight out through the walls anyway. There’s little point in putting it on tbh so maybe that’s why our bills are lower.
Still very shocked.

re water we can’t be metered so pay standard rate for house size which is £65/pm. About the same as you.

I'm sorry,but a fifteen minute shower is ridiculous. Very expensive and very wasteful . I think this may be a wind up though!!

I don't know how people shower properly in less than 15 minutes. My conditioner has to sit for 5 minutes. By the time I let the water heat up then washed my hair, conditioned it, let that sit while shaving my legs and armpits, had a good wash etc that's about 15 minutes.

I don't see how people get properly clean in 2 minutes. They probably don't, it's just the usual mumsnet competitive minging.

I genuinely apologise for my sarcastic water comment from before this detail.