Being called Mrs *-*

[LorlieS]

I'm married and a Ms My Last Name - His Last Name (hubby also double-barrelled when we married).
So why do so many people insist on addressing me as a Mrs?! AIBU to be annoyed by this?

Then there's military ranks too

Ok, ok, we get it. Women can have loads of titles - but the only ones that really matter in terms of this thread are Mrs and Ms.

I don't think we need a comprehensive list.

Make sure the kids call you Ms. Gently correct parents.

Recognize that parents are likely flustered and have 1001 things in their heads at pick up/drop off and if they call you Mrs, it's not a personal attack.

I'm a married Ms as well, doesn't piss me off that much to be called Miss or Mrs. I do love it when people say 'Miss or Mrs?' and I say 'Ms, actually'

I don't see the point in titles at all, they're from a different age

And I always addressed my children's teachers by their christian name anyway. It always felt very odd calling them 'Mr or Mrs'.

In fact, the only professional I call by their title is my dentist, and I only do this because lots of people deny dentists their Dr title, so I always call him Dr Craig. I think he likes it!

Unless I'd been told someone was a "Ms" id assume they were Mrs if married.

If these are people who've been told you are a Ms and continuing to say Mrs thats rude.

The only people I know who use Ms are women who've had children, are with long term partner etc but are not married.

Pardon me.. if I am a Dr or a Professor then that matters

Mrs is the usual title for a married woman and the vast majority are quite happy with it. Using an alternative title is fine and your choice but you can’t blame people for not using Mrs. It’s the norm.

The thing is lots of people including many younger women, have no issue with being titled "Mrs" so its unlikely to change to being "Ms" by default fast.

Also "miss" will probably survive as the equivalent of master (sometimes shortened to "mstr").

I've always been a Ms. I was a Ms before I married, a Ms when I was married and a Ms after my divorce. However, I took my ex's surname on marriage and it seems to be impossible to change my title back to Ms on anything official. The council tax, my work pension, NHS, HMRC, DWP and one of my bank accounts all persist in calling me Mrs.

It's fucking annoying and if anyone knows of a surefire way of getting it changed, I'd love to know. Telling them over the phone and by online requests just don't seem to work.

The only one that has succeeded in changing it is Nationwide, so I take my hat off to them.

And that has to do with op being a Ms... how, exactly?

Pretty sure most people on this thread know other titles exist...

Secondary school teacher here: yes, all the time. I correct it when I notice (not very often). If you want things to change in the future, enjoy your opportunity to explain to 30 kids what the options are and why! Often they have no real idea that there are more than two options.

Also, I mostly don't remember which of my female colleagues use which address. I happen to use Ms as default, but I'm conscious that it's probably not what at least half of them would prefer.

Do the children call you Ms? I’m surprised the parents don’t pick it up from them.

I think I would have to die on this hill too, I never go by Mrs. I’ve been Ms since I was 18. It would drive me crackers to be called Mrs as part of my daily life.

I always default to Ms until I know how they want to be adressed, but it isn't something I would get worked up about it someone addressed me incorrectly.

When DD was at school teachers were never addressed by their first names by parents or pupils (she finished school in 2018)

That’s funny - I’m a parent and a teacher and in both roles teachers are always referred to by their title and surname, and this is true for all the schools I have worked in!

So why do so many people insist on addressing me as a Mrs?!

Presumably because that's what they think you are called, especially if, as you say, all the other married female teachers are Mrs.

I'm a Mrs and also a teacher (secondary). My female colleagues are a mix of Miss, Ms and Mrs. I get called all 3 by pupils and parents. I never bother to correct it, because it doesn't annoy me in the slightest tbh. I don't really think my title defines me in any important way.

Because it's another reason not to assume someone's titles

People who don’t know I’m married call me Miss. People who don’t know my surname call me Mrs DH-Surname or Mrs DC-Surname. I’m actually Dr Maiden-Name. I don’t care and don’t see why it matters?

Still not a great reason to spam a thread with numerous posts each with a small number of titles. You only need one post to make that point.

So why do so many people insist on addressing me as a Mrs?!

Because the societal default is Mrs as most married women prefer to use this title. It's a little disingenuous not to realise this TBH.

In most English-speaking contexts outside the UK (in the US, Canada etc. and when English is used as a lingua Franca in non-English-speaking countries, “Ms.” is the default these days

@user1477391263 do they still use Frau/Fraulein in Germany and Mademoiselle and Madame in France?

You need to wear a massive badge all the time telling people that so you don't get upset by a wrong word.

So what? It basically means we are owned by men. I can't believe so many women still choose to call themselves Mrs (their husband's name).

I got married in 1977 and had not taken or used my husbands name, and my title is still Miss.
There was a period during the 1980’s when I worked for the same company as my long time employed husband, my (and his) colleagues knew we were both married but didn’t realise it was to each other. We told them eventually after there had been some lighthearted banter about my husband having ‘a bit on the side’ because we would have lunch together most days in the staff restaurant & often go for a walk afterwards.🤣

Of course it matters! Name is part of identity. I'm Dr too. One reason I did a PhD was to escape the stupid Mrs/Miss/Miss nonsense. Men don't have to deal with this. I detest being called Mrs. I have NEVER been Mrs in my life, as once I married I was called Ms. I hate that the default assumption is Mrs rather than Ms. The world had changed, but women's titles haven't kept up with that.

It happens when you get to a certain age....