I thought weekend treat. He thought demanding bitch!

[tedtalkstome]

AIBU?
Every weekday morning I get up first, sort the kitchen, feed the dog and take a cuppa up to my partner (he works from home so more leisurely morning than me and kids).
On the weekends, he likes to get up early and I love a lie-in. He usually waits until he hears movement then brings me up a cuppa. I love this and feel like it's a real treat! I scroll social media, read a bit and get up mid morning (I work long stressful hours and he's chosen not to. I'm totally fine with that).
Sometimes he sits in the office on a weekend morning and doesn't hear me get up so I might send a message asking if he's on the coffee run. He's great and always brings me one. I feel very spoilt by this and love it.
This morning he was getting up before me as going in to work on a rare day in. I asked him if he would bring me up a coffee.
He was a bit grumpy and said that I was demanding coffee without even saying good morning to him, like I do every weekend.
I was really taken back as thought he was happy to bring me a weekend coffee. I questioned this and he said I have no consideration for how this makes him feel. Like I don't care about him just a morning cuppa.
It's a completely first world problem. It's ridiculous but I'm just so surprised that our perspective is so skewed!
I honestly thought I did coffees in the week, he treated me at weekends.
I got a bit stroppy and just got up left...without coffee. Very childish, I'm aware! AIBU to think he's being a bit of a petty twat???

You’re not demanding, you asked. Very different to “Bring me my coffee wench!!!!”

Stop bringing him a cuppa when you get up.

Don’t wait to be asked either or you could be waiting a while.

“think it's possibly because he doesn't have children (I have two) and he's just never needed to put anyone else first.”

He’s been a bit of a knob but please don’t say things like this. It’s complete nonsense about people with out children, and about people with children to be honest!!

He does do it without being asked. If you read the OP, she says that sometimes he doesn't hear her stir awake, so that is when she texts him to ask for her drink.

I don't blame him for being snippy. I'd find it quite rude and expecting to be texted asking for maids service without so much as a "good morning".

Oh god, bin him off. Dude must have a magic dick. Typical selfish man.

Definitely let him ask for his coffee in future.

Lol I could have written this post a few months ago😂I told my partner to shove his coffees if it was really that taxing, and moodily refused to drink any coffees he made me for about a week. Eventually the tiredness/ caffeine addiction won out and everything's back to how it was 😅.

YANBU as he was stroppy, but just sounds like an inconsequential bicker really. Hope he apologises and it blows over quickly x

Except @tedtalkstome didn't ask whether her DP was "bringing them their coffee or not".

That's a completely different tone to how @tedtalkstome actually worded her comment upthread.

plus she also clarified for those hard of comprehension and reading skills

There was a comment about the fact I just bring him one in the week but I 'demand' him to bring me one at the weekend. I don't. I really don't!!

So you bring in the majority of the money, you do the majority of the housework. You do the majority of the morning coffee and yet he resents the small amount he does for you.

I think a sit down conversation about how much you do for him and how unappreciated you feel now. Give him a chance to redeem himself and start treating you better.

DP and I sometimes do things the other doesn't like, we tell eachother, apologise and do better. It's normal to upset eachother sometimes, no one is perfect, it's what you do when the person you love tells you you upset them.

did he bring you one this morning op?

Sounds to me hecwas more annoyed that the first thing said was asking fir coffee rather than just saying good morning how are you, especially ad it wasn't a normal Saturday as he was going into the office rather than being at home. He'd be out of routine and a polite enquiry may have gone down better, before the coffee request.

😂 Well, that escalated quickly!

So you work longer hours, earn more money, pay more for living expenses, do most of the cleaning up, pay for a cleaner, half the cooking all the laundry, and 5/7 of coffees.

He works less hours and from home, earns less, pays less, does half the cooking and the bins! Oh and 2/7 of coffees.

and he begrudges that-what a keeper!

Agreed! Parents with 5 children can just as selfish as child free people... no WAY does not having children make one ''Selfish''.

It's like when people say ''Only children are selfish as they don't have to share''..it's nonsense.

We have a similar set up in our home op. On the weekend if my dh hears me moving about, he'll bring me up a cup of tea, if I'm awake and he doesn't hear me. I text him. It's also absolutely my treat for the weekend.

I think as women we are pre determined to put other people first, so it feels unusual to put ourselves first. I doubt a man would ever think twice about getting a cup of tea in bed off his wife on Saturday or Sunday morning.

If he doesn't bring him up a cup of tea this morning, or Sunday morning, and you can sit down and have a chat about what happened, there's no way in hell I would ever make him another cup of tea during the week .

No children = doesn’t have to think about anyone else? What twaddle. The 2 are not linked at all.
I know selfish people who are parents and selfish people who aren’t. Being a parent doesn’t make someone unselfish at all!!

Stop making his coffee in the week, see how he likes it.

One other thing - when you stop making his morning coffee, don’t broadcast that that’s what you’re doing. Just stop doing it.

I think a lot of posters are missing the point. @tedtalkstome said "He was a bit grumpy and said that I was demanding coffee without even saying good morning to him, like I do every weekend". It sounds like it's not the making of a coffee that's an issue, it's now it was asked for. That she didn't even start her text with a "morning love" or similar, so no niceties or politeness. If that's what happens every weekend I'm not surprised it's started to grate on him. I suspect he'll backtrack on his use of "demanding", saying he just felt a little hurt at the approach and was venting.

Also, that perhaps as he doesn't know when she'll be up at weekends (unlike when he will be during the week), he has to keep one ear out for her stirring, and if he's taking longer than she wants she sends a coffee request (without even a polite "morning").

What an entitled twat. He’s being totally
carried by you and he’s whinging and criticising you about asking for a fucking coffee?!

@tedtalkstome This relationship needs a shake up. You’re being utilised.

I think all those "just stop making his coffee" etc posts are not going to do the relationship any good at all. All this needs is a conversation about both your feelings and expectations, not petty tit for tat that will breakdown all remaining good will! 🙄

He's annoyed because OP asking him for coffee makes him feel like an underling.

He wouldn't have this insecurity if he didn't already know on some level that OP does everything and pays for it all too, while he makes some token effort with the bins.

In short, he's a bit of a cocklodger.

👏👏👏👏

If I'd had to drag myself out of bed earlier than usual to go into work earlier than I wanted, and my first interaction of the day was a text from my partner saying 'can you bring me a coffee?' I'd be a bit annoyed too. Especially as I probably wouldn't have left enough time to be doing anything other than showing and getting dressed, in those circumstances.

Other than that, he has a pretty charmed life.

It sounds like it's not the making of a coffee that's an issue, it's now it was asked for. That she didn't even start her text with a "morning love" or similar, so no niceties or politeness. If that's what happens every weekend I'm not surprised it's started to grate on him.

Yeah, if the texting thing is part of the routine, I'd feel like I was being treated like a waiter.

If you didn't say "good morning" first, or some opener like "did you sleep well?" but went right into the request for coffee I'd think that rude too. No matter what my mood was.