I thought weekend treat. He thought demanding bitch!

[tedtalkstome]

AIBU?
Every weekday morning I get up first, sort the kitchen, feed the dog and take a cuppa up to my partner (he works from home so more leisurely morning than me and kids).
On the weekends, he likes to get up early and I love a lie-in. He usually waits until he hears movement then brings me up a cuppa. I love this and feel like it's a real treat! I scroll social media, read a bit and get up mid morning (I work long stressful hours and he's chosen not to. I'm totally fine with that).
Sometimes he sits in the office on a weekend morning and doesn't hear me get up so I might send a message asking if he's on the coffee run. He's great and always brings me one. I feel very spoilt by this and love it.
This morning he was getting up before me as going in to work on a rare day in. I asked him if he would bring me up a coffee.
He was a bit grumpy and said that I was demanding coffee without even saying good morning to him, like I do every weekend.
I was really taken back as thought he was happy to bring me a weekend coffee. I questioned this and he said I have no consideration for how this makes him feel. Like I don't care about him just a morning cuppa.
It's a completely first world problem. It's ridiculous but I'm just so surprised that our perspective is so skewed!
I honestly thought I did coffees in the week, he treated me at weekends.
I got a bit stroppy and just got up left...without coffee. Very childish, I'm aware! AIBU to think he's being a bit of a petty twat???

Seems like this is what’s going on…..

Oh God I hear you!
" teas" makes me stabby.
Tea can be singular or plural.
Same as meats, cheeses, fruits
Arrrgh!
We had a platter of meat, cheese and fruit

I clearly need a coffee 😂

Ooh, interesting. I read this differently to most people apparently!

The OP said she gets up, tidies up and just brings him a coffee every weekday morning. So I guess that's when it's convenient to her, he doesn't ask for it at a specific time or have to call down to her.

When she lies in, he has to wait until he hears her moving around and if he can't hear her, she texts and asks if he's doing a coffee run.

I do think it feels more annoying for him to have to be "alert" to whenever she might want to get up (I assume if she lies in until mid morning, there"s a good couple of hours of potential times she might want it) and if he's not quick enough, he gets a text saying where's my coffee (effectively).

So OP, I think he was unreasonable to quibble about bringing you coffee in general, bearing in mind you bring him one every other day, but I think you're being unreasonable to expect him to have to wait around until you're ready.

Why not agree a time with him at the weekend, and if you're awake great, and if not, you can hear it up later?

I even say good morning to the cat so I don't think it's a big imposition to say good morning to the husband - also please and thank you do a lot to keep a marriage going.

I’m childless too and I was not offended.

She could have text ‘good morning, would you mind bringing me a coffee up please?’ Surely it’s just basic manners?

we don’t know whether he says good morning in the week, she hasn’t said either way.

from what OP has written, she never says good morning at the weekend, this wasn’t a one off. So every single weekend you wouldn’t say good morning to the person you call your partner?

And seems the title is a little bit exaggerated as from what she’s actually written he never called her a bitch. He just said she demands coffee without even bothering to say good morning. Unless she’s missed this out of the OP.

I'd be VERY careful with this OP.
I'm going through divorce and my STBEXDH has now told me if all his petty resentments.
Things that are literally part if everyday day family life, and he's been brooding and resentful.
It's fundamentally changed how I perceive him, and our life together.
So either

1. As per other PPs you've caught him on an off day, and a bit of reconnect at weekend can sort it right out

OR

1. He's shown you a glimpse about how he REALLY feels.

24 years of marriage and honestly I wish I'd listened to the glimpses >red flags< Good luck op

I don’t say good morning to my husband. For me it’s a formality I reserve for non-family.

OP brings him a coffee without him having to ask her for one, so she’s not waiting for a ‘good morning’.

I’d put it down to a bad day! Sounds like you have a lovely set up and today was a bad day for him! Maybe something happening at work?!

I think it's one thing making someone a coffee when your doing your own. It's another getting a text from someone still in bed asking for one.

I think a lot of this - both in terms of whether it was a one-off bad day and also his reaction to you saying how much you like/value these weekend coffees - is going to be clarified by what happens this morning and whether he brings you coffee.

If he doesn't, petty as it sounds, I'm not sure I'd be making an effort to bring him weekday tea.

For what it's worth we have a similar dynamic here but I'm your husband. I struggle getting up in the morning so DH bring me 6.30am coffee every weekday as otherwise he knows I won't be capable of dragging myself through the school run and whatnot. But on weekends I'm bringing the coffees.

Fair enough. I was. It basically insinuates that it's common for childless people to be petty and not used to putting others first.

Her bringing him a coffee during the week is different because it is part of her routine. She isn't hanging around waiting for him to wake up like he has to at the weekend. It is rude for the first thing you say to someone is "Bring me..." It's a bit ungrateful to not even greet the person first.

Surely when they've delivered one to you each day of the week, once at the weekend shouldn't be a problem or off your radar

Yep.

You should say good morning to someone before you ask for coffee. I'm really surprised you don't know this.

HE has a lovely set up. Gets coffee automatically delivered to him so he doesn’t have to ask (and asking is SO RUDE if you haven’t said good morning first 🙄).

He sounds like a leech and you don’t share domestic tasks or finances equally (or fairly as a representation of time and earnings) as far as I can tell. Relationships are more complex and nuanced than a mumsnet AIBU but he doesn’t sound like he values YOU and everything you do.

We have a fairly similar setup. Sometimes I have to remind him it’s his “turn”. He doesn’t take offense to that but he would if he thought the coffee was more important than him if that makes sense? He likes a good morning etc first

Yes this!

he is onto a very good deal with you. You really need to stop the mid-week coffees, just sort yourselves out. If he mentions it say you don’t want to burden him anymore with the weekend coffees so it makes more sense to just get your own.

Are all childless people the exact same as each other then, since you know them all so well?

Some childless people will struggle to put others first, I can think of people with children who struggle to put others first. It’s called a personality and everyone’s is different whether they have kids or not.

The point also being that if he really cared about you, you wouldn’t need to ask for one at the weekend while you have a lie in.

I wouldnt wait to see what happens this morning. You know now he resents it so I would put a stop to this routine now - and no making his mid week going forward!

I'm with you, I think people are getting stuck on the coffee making quantities (5 vs 2) and missing the point of why he's annoyed.

It doesn't sound like he has an issue making the coffee, more that if he's in a different part of the house and doesn't hear her moving then she sends him a text summoning her coffee. If the text is that peremptory, without any niceties, I can see why he feels like she's being demanding - it's taking a nice voluntary gesture on both sides and making it into a duty. It's like he has to be "on call" to make the coffee at the right time and if he's not quick enough he gets a hurry up from her.

That would irritate me regardless of the wider split of responsibilities. It's not about the task itself, it's about the communication.

Doesn't sound like coffee is the issue here, more the way you remind him before any pleasantries. Everyone likes to feel appreciated...

That's how it reads to me too.

I'd be pissed off if my DP texted me from bed to ask me if I'm bringing them their coffee or not.