To not go to the hen do?

[tiredandtesting123]

One of my friends hen do's is soon. Since it was planned my financial circumstances have changed in that I've had a baby and given up work.
It's getting more and more expensive with what she's added to it, and the girl I'm going with is wants more petrol money than is necessary.. so I said I'd make my own way (as DH/my dad won't charge me petrol money) I was told in the group chat no I'll be going in the car with them that way I can't be late etc, and even if I get picked up on the way back she still wants the same amount of petrol money. I've been told by the hen in the group WhatsApp "you've known about this for 9 months so you could've saved, please moan to the others and not me" followed by lots of "amen" and emojis from the others. My response was so you're asking me to bitch behind your back then. I can't save money I don't have.

Part of me feels like saying I won't be attending either the hen do or wedding, leaving the group chat and saying don't talk to me talk about me to each other!

AIBU?

And FWIW, I spend £1k getting sucked into this hen party bollocks a coupe of years ago for a friend who was really awful to me. I was too scared to back out but in hindsight I should have done. These people don’t sound like they are worth or time, energy or money.

Yes 100%, why the OP is even considering going is beyond me sounds like the ‘friendship’ has most definitely drifted

I'd back out of the lot. Bridezillas who load costs onto their friends and dictate to them about their travel arrangements are not worth bothering with.

Yeah, I'd be telling the lot of them to get fucked.

Say no now. Sad if it ends the friendship but this can happen.

Al this 'shower' crap and expensive hen/stag do's is something that seems particularly bonkers when money is so tight for many as it now is.

Even if it was free I wouldn't go after all that.

I think it's weird there isn't an entire group chat so none of you have any idea what everyone is paying, that it itself is suspicious.

Drop out now op.

OP, they sound like really horrible people. Back out, politely if you like, and never bother with them again.

They sound horrid and grabby. There’s def no need to pay £25 each! If I was giving a lift of that distance I’d just ask for a coffee!

Al this 'shower' crap and expensive hen/stag do's is something that seems particularly bonkers when money is so tight for many as it now is.

I agree. However, the invitees enable it. If everyone said "no way, I can't afford it" then these dos would be scaled back.

Agreed, everyone seems to feel obliged to spend money they don't have to appease demanding friends who feel their wedding should cost everyone a lot of money. From the outset costs should be discussed and everyone's budget considered.

Is anyone on here dying to get an invitation to an unreasonable hen do so that they can say no?

All the hen dos I have been to have been either an evening meal + nightclub or an afternoon tea.

If someone was foolish enough to tell me what I was doing, as if they can control me, that would be enough for me to pull out even if I won the lottery the same day!

What an entitled prick this Hen sounds, she needs to be respectful of your situation.

I had a ‘good friend’ do this to me, started a Saturday ended up a weekend in London with tickets to a show £100+ and I was 6 months pregnant and a 2 year old at home. I declined in the end said my thanks then left the chat.

Best yet she also sent incorrect invitations and we attended the day and were not actually invited and the registrar asked us to leave. Safe to say not spoken to her since.

My response would be “fuck this, I’m not coming to any of it” then leave the group, block them all, enjoy being free of the bunch of bitches

This friendship is over. Don't feel pressured to go to the hen or the wedding. Pointless when you won't see them afterwards. They can't force you.

Just drop out, if they think it's OK to be this horrible now then imagine what they might be like on the weekend itself? Don't pay any more than you already have abd spend any money you've saved that you can afford to part with on a nice day out with your baby.

Also do any of them have kids? Often people with kids don't understand the lives of others that do and vice versa, so maybe this is part of the problem.

They are bullies.

Don't go to the hen do or the wedding. You'll be much happier and better off financially , and not have to spend time with these witches.

They sound like chavvy skanks. I wouldn’t go

Oh god, don’t go! You’ve got different priorities now.

The bride and the others in the group don't sound very nice.

People being flaky and late is a PITA but if you're organising an event like this then you need to be clear on the costs from the start and not take umbrage if people can't make it.

I'd bow out gracefully on the grounds that the cost of attending has spiralled beyond your means. If the bride takes it to mean the end of your friendship then it's no great loss.

if you're organising an event like this then you need to be clear on the costs from the start and not take umbrage if people can't make it.

Absolutely agree with this ^^.
They shouldn't be springing extra costs for activities as an afterthought or trying to make a profit from being the driver.

This is bullying. Pull out of the hen do, the wedding, and the friendship.