To not go to the hen do?

[tiredandtesting123]

One of my friends hen do's is soon. Since it was planned my financial circumstances have changed in that I've had a baby and given up work.
It's getting more and more expensive with what she's added to it, and the girl I'm going with is wants more petrol money than is necessary.. so I said I'd make my own way (as DH/my dad won't charge me petrol money) I was told in the group chat no I'll be going in the car with them that way I can't be late etc, and even if I get picked up on the way back she still wants the same amount of petrol money. I've been told by the hen in the group WhatsApp "you've known about this for 9 months so you could've saved, please moan to the others and not me" followed by lots of "amen" and emojis from the others. My response was so you're asking me to bitch behind your back then. I can't save money I don't have.

Part of me feels like saying I won't be attending either the hen do or wedding, leaving the group chat and saying don't talk to me talk about me to each other!

AIBU?

They don't doing like friends to me . Their response to your concerns was shitty to say the least .
Explain you cannot attend , block and remove . Find better friends

This

Don't apologise. State why you are leaving. Then leave.

but do not say sorry

Have you told her you're not going, OP?

That’s beyond super cheeky and I can’t believe everyone else is agreeing to that! £25 would (and does) last me a week to do 12 miles to and from work (about 50 minutes total commute) so 125 miles at least! So that’s £100 total for fuel for 45 min each way journey? That’s at least 3 weeks worth of fuel for me to do daily commute (as above about 125 miles a week) plus any local trips at weekends with the kids.

If you still want to go I’d say, no sorry I’m making my own way. They can’t enforce their plans on you, a grown adult!

Otherwise I’d say, sorry, I can’t budget for a price that keeps increasing. I had the money for the initial cost but can’t afford all these extras so I can’t come anymore. Especially as the cost of living is much higher now and you have a child now too.

Definitely don't go. You will have an awful time and spend money you can't afford. I'd just say

"Sorry guys I'm going to have to back out as it's a bit out of my price range and Ive my baby to think of. Hope you all have an amazing time, it sounds fantastic so I'm sure you will"

Then leave the group. Don't talk to anyone other than bride and if she gets nasty block her.

Sound like a pack of bitches I’d be staying well away from. Amen 🙄

Surely you will have to pay your share of the hotel as you agreed to that

Op don't go, this isn't how friends treat each other. The frozen desert thing would have been my last straw, I can't believe people can be so horrible.

I hope by now you have left the group and are feeling better to not ever have to deal with these women again!

Just to get this straight - the bride has put herself in with the 2 other girls and you with her cousin? Why didn’t she put herself with the cousin? She’s as bad as the driver

definitely pull out!

Wow, with friends like that, who needs enemies!? If that's what they're like on the group chat, God knows what they'll be like on the actual hen do!
I'd definitely bail out of this one.

I wouldn’t go at all but make sure you leave the group of block then as they sound like straight away they’ll be awful to you.

You’re allowed to make your own choices and I can’t believe they think think they can make you stay the night in a hotel and travel how they want you to when you could get a lift for free!

People really don’t get it when money is tight. Don’t waste your money on this event!

Oh my goodness OP, I've only just read this and my goodness, get away with your head held high.

You've tried to the right thing but the costs have spiralled and it'll end up costing even more when you're there. When you have a baby, of course your priorities change, and most people will understand why you need to back out. With 20-odd people it's hardly like you're letting the bride down. Back out, wish them a brilliant time, and don't look back.

A mantra for me this year is to prioritise those who prioritise you, and this group of madams are not likely to give two hoots about your feelings. RUN!

This!

I agree. Just drop out. She sounds vile.

Fucking hell, @tiredandtesting123! They don’t deserve to be at your lovely wee baby’s christening. Don’t go to the hen, don’t go to the wedding, don’t go anywhere near those fuckers ever again. You deserve much better.

Oh OP, I’m so sorry that you have had this experience. Having a baby is so incredibly expensive and I don’t think you realise quite how much so until you have one! I certainly didn’t!

The cost of weddings and stag/hens is one of my bugbears. When we got married neither of us had one and we asked our friends not to give us gifts. We wanted them to be with us and didn’t want to make any barriers!

WhatsApp so often allows people to say things without understanding how others feel. I would suggest organising a coffee and chatting it through with your friend.

I don’t mean to excuse anything that has been written, but lots of people find organising events stressful. They’re just not used to it. That makes them behave out of character.

I agree. All those saying to 'respond politely'... fuck that!!
Regardless of whether OP has a thing for being late, real friends do NOT speak to each other like this.
OP, I'd be pulling out and telling them exactly why.

I wouldn't sat anything in the WA group - I'd block the grabby driver bitch, leave the group then message bridezilla saying that due to the costs of the hen do increasing substantially after you agreed to it you will be withdrawing.

due to the costs of the hen do increasing substantially after you agreed to it you will be withdrawing.

I think this ^^ is the best response. The clus is in the words "due to the costs of the hen do increasing substantially after you agreed to it"

Private message to bride:
”I have decided that I will not be attending the hen-do. I hope that you have a great time and I wish you the best. Unfortunately the costs have escalated beyond my budget. Also I would not feel comfortable spending a weekend with people who have spoken to me so rudely.”

Leave the group chat and block the other members.

Block them.

sorry on the dessert thing you are not completely right.. you should have asked yourself about allergies.
also you could have bought a nice ready dessert but not a frozen cheesecake that you just happened to see. For example you could have gotten a cake from nice patisserie etc. so yeah, you made little effort.
if you don’t have time to bake and are a not good baker anyway, why do you agree to a potluck dinner at all ? Especially where you have to bring dessert?? don’t go, or tell STRAIGHT AWAY that you can bring only ready made dessert.

they are behaving like AH, but you also not helping by this “woe is me” dynamic after you agreed to something.

Well they're massively taking the piss with the petrol for start! So I'm guessing there's a driver and 3 passengers? (Don't know how big the car is? I'm guessing the driver is taking the money for the 3 passengers so £75?? Nice profit there!
Honestly I'd just leave the whole thing, wedding and all. They sound like utter knobs.

Sounds awful OP - back out of this bin fire and focus on your lovely christening .