To not go to the hen do?

[tiredandtesting123]

One of my friends hen do's is soon. Since it was planned my financial circumstances have changed in that I've had a baby and given up work.
It's getting more and more expensive with what she's added to it, and the girl I'm going with is wants more petrol money than is necessary.. so I said I'd make my own way (as DH/my dad won't charge me petrol money) I was told in the group chat no I'll be going in the car with them that way I can't be late etc, and even if I get picked up on the way back she still wants the same amount of petrol money. I've been told by the hen in the group WhatsApp "you've known about this for 9 months so you could've saved, please moan to the others and not me" followed by lots of "amen" and emojis from the others. My response was so you're asking me to bitch behind your back then. I can't save money I don't have.

Part of me feels like saying I won't be attending either the hen do or wedding, leaving the group chat and saying don't talk to me talk about me to each other!

AIBU?

This!

Glad you have decided not to go. You would have been miserable anyway and worried about money. I hate hen dos that last days. The last one I went on there were six of us, the bride just wanted us all to get together and have a few drinks to celebrate. We did a few things as a surprise for her but it didn’t break the bank and we had a wonderful evening.

Either you haven't bothered reading the OP's updates or you are one of the hens.

@RampantIvy I've read it all.
I just think OP comes across as completely unreliable and they are fed up.
The petrol thing is a bit wild but I just feel there's more to the entire situation

100% this!!!

Perfect response!

Nah I'd just pull out of the whole thing

Wow. It’s clear exactly which group member you are too!

She doesn’t sound like a friend.
It all sounds very mean-girls-esque.
I would definitely back out. Plan a lovely weekend with your little one instead ❤️

Just read your updates.
Yep. They are bitches.

"The petrol thing is a bit wild" - a BIT wild??

£25 x 4 = £100 for 45 mins drive if she has a car load?

Unless it is a stretch limousine that tight-wad hen is driving, then it is more than a "bit wild". It is scamming people who are too wimpy to say No.

That sounds so tedious. I wouldn't want to spend an hour in their company (ever again).

They sound a bit bitchy tbf but we only have one side of the sorry. If you're always late and she thought she'd sorted that issue, but now you're complicating the matter with unnecessary drama at the last minute I can see why she might be a little short with you. But most likely they're just being bitchy.

Yeah, that's ludicrous pricing but is she staying sober to drive the others or driving back the morning after once sobered up? Maybe that she's seeing this as her dues for missing out on the drinks and fun.

Then maybe that should be discussed?

Hen Dos are supposed to be fun, not a bitchfest

It sounds like this friendship has come to the end. You've got a baby now, so naturally your priorities have changed. But this, on top of what appears to be your friend's ongoing annoyance at your lateness and general negativity, means you're not really very compatible. She wants easy friends and an easy life. Your chaos spoils that for it. Just let her go. She's not a good friend.

I think you're past attending the hen do or wedding! YANBU. I like @Shodan 's idea.

They all sound a bit fed up with you. I wonder what their side of the story is. You should probably not go.

I'm in agreement with all of the previous.. No way can you call ''the driver" a friend. Any friends worth their salt would respect and understand your situation and would be getting together to help you out. Oh and honestly a proper hen do doesn't cost that much. Around 20 of us chipped in for a friend's joint 50th and hen party last year, a buffet, few bottles of plonk and a couple of rather nice huge beefy butlers for an hour all for slightly over £500.. Is your "friend" hiring The Ritz? lol ..Seriously all the girls here are so right. I'd personally follow their advice and sack them all off. Your true friends will always find a way back to you if they're of any worth at all...Frankly put, they don't sound like friends at all! (Hope this helps) :)

You should just drive yourself. Too expensive to pay someone else. Although I would not get DH or Dad to drive you (unless you don't drive). Just drive yourself.

"my plan was to get dropped off and picked up as it's cheaper (and I've never been away from baby overnight)..." so why would you need a Hotel Room, with or without Random cousin - if you're not staying overnight?

Apart from anything, you're not looking forward to it and it's expensive, so don't go. That's the wonderful thing about being an adult woman, you decide what you do and what you don't do.
Don't explain too much either. "Sorry I'm no longer able to make it, it's not working out for me to attend. I've paid for xyz so nobody should be out of pocket. Have a great time!"

Write this on your "chat group":

"After reviewing my budget and seeing how I don't really have money to spare for frivolous purposes, I am bowing out of the hen do. It's gotten more and more expensive, and it just does not make sense for me to go."

Then, just let the bride know you will not be making the wedding and remove the chat group from your WhatsApp. They sound selfish, grabby and rigid.

I got the idea that it's the bride/hen organizer who "decided" OP should spend the night and gave her a "roomie".

It sounds like OP was basically "forced" to agree to the hotel. She wanted to just go for the DAY and get picked up and taken home to her baby.

In fact, it sounds like she is easily forced to agree to things and is finally getting a backbone.

The bride and her group can find another sucker attendee to take her place, since they all sound so delightful (about as delightful as a root canal with no lidocaine).

Wow @tiredandtesting123 even if you could have saved and all that, the whole tone is ‘junior school playground bullies’. It’s horrible! I wouldn’t even speak to someone I don’t like in that way. To be honest, I’d probably say something like ‘Some of the comments on here are very hurtful and not how friends talk to each other. I will transfer the cost of XXX but have decided I will no longer attend. Wishing you the best and hope everything goes well’.

Then drop the money round/transfer it/send a screenshot and leave the group.

It might be a fair chunk of money but honestly, at least you won’t have to spend any time with them, being miserable. They sound bloody awful.