To not go to the hen do?

[tiredandtesting123]

One of my friends hen do's is soon. Since it was planned my financial circumstances have changed in that I've had a baby and given up work.
It's getting more and more expensive with what she's added to it, and the girl I'm going with is wants more petrol money than is necessary.. so I said I'd make my own way (as DH/my dad won't charge me petrol money) I was told in the group chat no I'll be going in the car with them that way I can't be late etc, and even if I get picked up on the way back she still wants the same amount of petrol money. I've been told by the hen in the group WhatsApp "you've known about this for 9 months so you could've saved, please moan to the others and not me" followed by lots of "amen" and emojis from the others. My response was so you're asking me to bitch behind your back then. I can't save money I don't have.

Part of me feels like saying I won't be attending either the hen do or wedding, leaving the group chat and saying don't talk to me talk about me to each other!

AIBU?

What? Making you stay with a Cousin and those 3 in the hotel? Apart from anything else, or all the other things you mentioned, this is particularly horrible. just back out please. tell her you're very sorry but you can no longer go.

Delete yourself from the group and message the bride separately. Explain to her that as things have changed you can't afford it. I'd be tempted to also say that you feel members of the group appear to be ganging up on you and making you feel uncomfortable! That may make her think!

I'm another one that agrees not to apologise in the message... As for the cheesecake, their reaction was downright rude. I'm surprised after that, that you got to the point of the hen do! That would have been enough for me right there! How ungrateful. No, you don't need to apologise at all, you've done nothing wrong 🌹

Def don't apologise!

Curious to know how much effort the starters & mains were!

Presumably that's the sort of thing that you take turns at so everyone makes more or less effort at different times!

Please don't apologise to these bitches, you've done nothing wrong and been bullied.

I'd just leave the chat without a word, message the bride separately to explain, and then back off from these people entirely.

It's all far too highschool.

Don't apologise, they sound horrible.

Her entitlement and contempt for you is dripping off her 'haha you wish' message.

Some people don't grow out of the nasty school aged sniping and pack mentality.

They've shown you what kind of people they are. Nasty bullies.

Fuck 'em!

Onwards, upwards and have a bloody big slice of a nice cheesecake to celebrate them being out of your life

And enjoy the christening! 🌹

Don't go to either. You don't need friends like that. Go away for a cheap short break with husband and child.

Not unreasonable to say you are no longer attending. No need for apologies. The event, cost and your situation have all changed since you initially agreed.
The messages, the car and petrol stuff, the cheesecake thing all just confirm that you don't need to invest your time with them anymore imo.
I'd message saying you will no longer be attending.
Enjoy the time with the people who treat you with respect and care about you. Have a lovely christening.

What an awful sounding bunch. Priorities change when you become a parent & if they can’t understand that, they’re not really friends. Can you just say sorry, my situation has changed & I can’t afford all of this now and I won’t be able to come. Then leave the group & call the bride separately. I know it’s their special day but they still need to be reasonable.

Even the “you wish!” is just wtf. Who the hell are these people.

They sound hideous and really nasty. If they're sending shitty messages in a group chat I would imagine it would be so much worse in person. I wouldn't spend a weekend with them no way. Def back out.

I wouldn't go, things shouldn't be that stressful and they just seem rude. Have you been invited to make up numbers?

I've pulled out of a baby shower as I can't afford to buy a present and I can't turn up without anything as everyone else was going overboard and spending a fortune.

Fuck that, just don't go. I would send a simple message to the group chat along the lines of "unfortunately I'm no longer able to attend, but I hope you all enjoy it" Then remove myself from the group chat and find better people to be around. Sounds like a pack of bitches

They sound like a bunch of nasty bitchy fuckers and you don't need that in your life. Run and don't look back, find some mummy friends that aren't toxic

I'm wondering if you are the only one in this group with a baby? Priorities and finances change. If you are happy to cut the bride free, then don't go. With a young baby I think it would have been acceptable to go for tgr evening, and get picked up. Let us know how it goes op.

Don't go but be prepared for the argument that you owe money, as some bookings will have been made.

They sound awful and railroady, I wouldn’t be going. Don’t apologise for not going.

They’re not getting a taxi. A friend is driving and it’s not going to cost her £100 in petrol for a 90 minute round trip.

Sounds like you've just been invited to make up the numbers so everyone pays less. I was in the same boat last year. Needless to say, I left the group, didn't go, and ditched the 'friends'.

Surprised at all the comments advising you to apologise, explain to the bride, etc.... Don't!
Just tell them where to go and leave immediately so they can't have the last word sayanymore nasty shit , or
JUST LEAVE the group, not a bloody word. Block them all and never see them again. And use your saved money to treat yourself and your lovely family to something nice 💐

I would not apologise, OP. I would text 'I will no longer be coming on the hen do, nor attending the wedding. I cannot afford it and am unhappy at the way you have spoken to me when I've tried to raise this. I don't think there is any more to be said'.

Then leave the group. And block the bride. She's a bitch.

And don't forget - if they say they want payment for things that have been booked already, your response should be 'you wish!'

You poor thing Op! These females are just awful. Break free!

What a bunch of bullying fuckers.
I'm thinking that even you did go OP..they wouldn't be your sort of people. Tell them to fuck off to the fat side of fuckery..and then fuck off some more....barmy bitches