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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Partner turned off (My) wifi and upset my Son - AIBU

543 replies

candragonsbepurple · 21/03/2024 20:58

My partner is childless. I have two children (A son who is eleven and a daughter who is seven)

My ex husband moved to take care of his Dad six months ago but before that we had been divorced two years. Exes Dad has cancer and he's alone (Ex is an only child and his Mum died way before I met him) I'd have moved myself and my children to be nearer to ex so they could see each other but Ex was completely adamant they stay where they are for school and their friends.

One of the ways my children communicate with their Dad is through video games. I dont know how it works but they talk to each other while they play. They do this every sunday for a few hours before tea time. Sunday just gone my son wasn't well but really wanted to play games with his dad. I said that was okay and I'd save him some dinner (I made him some eggs and soldiers)

My partner cut the wifi when my son didn't come to the table. His reasoning was my son was being disobedient but I'd told him three times that DS wasn't feeling a hundred percent and I don't force my kids to eat big meals when they are unwell. My son was understandably distraught thinking his Dad had ended the game without saying goodbye and my partner kicked off.

He started ranting and raving how under HIS roof my son should have more respect. I reminded partner that we live in 2024, not 1924 and the house I owned was mine that my Mother left to me.

I ended up kicking my partner out - He went home in a huff and now I'm being put in the middle by partner's Mum saying that I should teach my children respect.

AIBU in thinking it's not my partner's place to parent my children - he's not a live-in boyfriend, we've been together ten months and that his Mum should keep her nose out

OP posts:
AlexaPlaySomeHappyHardcore · 22/03/2024 06:48

You’re 10 months into this relationship and he’s shown himself
to be an angry control freak. Under his roof, my arse. See this as a blessing in disguise and sack him off now. And tell his mummy to fuck right off too.

FlamingoQueen · 22/03/2024 06:51

I think that you should teach your children respect - respect for others and ditch your partner.

Predictablenamechange1 · 22/03/2024 06:54

Azandme · 21/03/2024 21:31

" As a man I thought no he's right"

What has being a man got to do with anything?

Show quote history

THE MAN HAS SPOKEN

😅

Lwrenn · 22/03/2024 06:55

If you allow this odious wanker and mother back into your lives you're choosing a horrid path for yourself and your dc.

Marblessolveeverything · 22/03/2024 06:58

I would consider myself lucky that he clearly showed you he has no respect for your authority in parenting your child.

Good riddance.

Chocolateorange11 · 22/03/2024 06:59

OP you did right kicking him out.

Epidote · 22/03/2024 07:00

@MaloneMeadow, the sentence was:

"Your son need to learn that dinner time is dinner time, all of us have been there". And I repeat, all of us have been there.

Did you never told your mum five more minutes, I'm not hungry, I don't like this dinner etc? Because I did with tummy ache and without tummy ache.
All of us have been there and it is something that we all need to learn.

Hopefully now that bit is clear, it was an appreciation of a pretty common situation and not a jump into criticism.

What I think we both agree is that her parents reaction is unacceptable.

RunningThroughMyHead · 22/03/2024 07:01

Red flags!!!!! He's asserting his authority over all of you, this will end very badly. Please for the love of god end the relationship.

Stuckinthemiddle7890 · 22/03/2024 07:05

FlamingoQueen · 22/03/2024 06:51

I think that you should teach your children respect - respect for others and ditch your partner.

What have the children done and they need to be taught respect for others ?

PoochiesPinkEars · 22/03/2024 07:07

Your child was acting within the norms of his own home (no need to eat dinner is you're not feeling well)

This man who knows nothing about parenting decided that moment was the one to choose to change the rules in an authoritarian way and binned him off though he was having time with his dad.

Then said dictatorial dickhead man who has earned no place to say this either by having raised your child threw his toys out of the pram and on a trumped up basis.

Fuck that. He needs to go.

PoochiesPinkEars · 22/03/2024 07:09

Stuckinthemiddle7890 · 22/03/2024 07:05

What have the children done and they need to be taught respect for others ?

Show quote history

@FlamingoQueen means that by ditching the partner the child will learn respect, because op will be standing up to someone who is showing no respect for others (her as the parent and the child who did nothing wrong to warrant such an overreaction)

MaloneMeadow · 22/03/2024 07:11

Epidote · 22/03/2024 07:00

@MaloneMeadow, the sentence was:

"Your son need to learn that dinner time is dinner time, all of us have been there". And I repeat, all of us have been there.

Did you never told your mum five more minutes, I'm not hungry, I don't like this dinner etc? Because I did with tummy ache and without tummy ache.
All of us have been there and it is something that we all need to learn.

Hopefully now that bit is clear, it was an appreciation of a pretty common situation and not a jump into criticism.

What I think we both agree is that her parents reaction is unacceptable.

He doesn’t need to learn anything as he didn’t do anything wrong. He felt unwell earlier on that day, which OP was already aware of. No need to force an ill child down to the dinner table. If I wasn’t feeling well I wouldn’t want to be dragged out of bed to eat food I didn’t feel like eating so why would I do that to my DD. Not everything is a cover up or excuse, learn to respect the autonomy of your DC.

Scarletttulips · 22/03/2024 07:11

now I'm being put in the middle by partner's Mum saying that I should teach my children respect

Ofcoarse she is, she raised a monster and when he was with you he was out of her hair. She doesn’t want him round her either.

Floofydawg · 22/03/2024 07:14

Under his roof? It's your house!! Don't let him back in.

Stravaig · 22/03/2024 07:15

'It's my roof and they are my children. You were invited here as a guest in our home. Now leave, and don't ever come back.'

Stuckinthemiddle7890 · 22/03/2024 07:16

Epidote · 22/03/2024 07:00

@MaloneMeadow, the sentence was:

"Your son need to learn that dinner time is dinner time, all of us have been there". And I repeat, all of us have been there.

Did you never told your mum five more minutes, I'm not hungry, I don't like this dinner etc? Because I did with tummy ache and without tummy ache.
All of us have been there and it is something that we all need to learn.

Hopefully now that bit is clear, it was an appreciation of a pretty common situation and not a jump into criticism.

What I think we both agree is that her parents reaction is unacceptable.

What you wrote makes no sense what so ever. Op needs to teach her son about dinner time, but we've all been there and you were an offender with this type of behaviour too. The man is a loony. Who flipping cares if the kid came down or not regardless. If the worst thing my kid ever does is not rush to the dinner table to eat with the rest of the family then I'd say thank you to the gods for giving me such good kids. What is this obsession with children must be taught about attending the dinner table. OK. I get it, kids need to listen and respect the rules but believe me getting them to the dinner table is the least of most parents concerns with children today.

Poppyzo · 22/03/2024 07:16

He was trying to issue authority over your son. It’s not his roof. It’s your sons. He had ignored what you had said to your son and over reacted. I wouldn’t let the partner back in if it was me. You have only been together 10 months. Personally I wouldn’t involve someone with my children very often in a short relationship. It has nothing to do with his mum.

ZombieGirl86 · 22/03/2024 07:18

Dump him your kids deserve better

Enko · 22/03/2024 07:19

Someone needs to be taught some respect alright. But it's NOT your son.

Perhaps suggest to your STBXs mother she cracks on w teaching her child how to behave in other people's home next time she complains.

YANBU

Penguinsmum · 22/03/2024 07:19

Ten months! You might like him. But way too soon to impose him on your children.

Devonbabs · 22/03/2024 07:20

candragonsbepurple · 21/03/2024 20:58

My partner is childless. I have two children (A son who is eleven and a daughter who is seven)

My ex husband moved to take care of his Dad six months ago but before that we had been divorced two years. Exes Dad has cancer and he's alone (Ex is an only child and his Mum died way before I met him) I'd have moved myself and my children to be nearer to ex so they could see each other but Ex was completely adamant they stay where they are for school and their friends.

One of the ways my children communicate with their Dad is through video games. I dont know how it works but they talk to each other while they play. They do this every sunday for a few hours before tea time. Sunday just gone my son wasn't well but really wanted to play games with his dad. I said that was okay and I'd save him some dinner (I made him some eggs and soldiers)

My partner cut the wifi when my son didn't come to the table. His reasoning was my son was being disobedient but I'd told him three times that DS wasn't feeling a hundred percent and I don't force my kids to eat big meals when they are unwell. My son was understandably distraught thinking his Dad had ended the game without saying goodbye and my partner kicked off.

He started ranting and raving how under HIS roof my son should have more respect. I reminded partner that we live in 2024, not 1924 and the house I owned was mine that my Mother left to me.

I ended up kicking my partner out - He went home in a huff and now I'm being put in the middle by partner's Mum saying that I should teach my children respect.

AIBU in thinking it's not my partner's place to parent my children - he's not a live-in boyfriend, we've been together ten months and that his Mum should keep her nose out

Dump him, he’s abusive!

Stuckinthemiddle7890 · 22/03/2024 07:21

PoochiesPinkEars · 22/03/2024 07:09

@FlamingoQueen means that by ditching the partner the child will learn respect, because op will be standing up to someone who is showing no respect for others (her as the parent and the child who did nothing wrong to warrant such an overreaction)

Show quote history

Thanks for explaining because I really didn't get it but I'm thinking in this situation it wouldn't be teaching respect for others it would be teaching your kids about having respect for yourself.

Trulyme · 22/03/2024 07:22

I hope this isn’t true because it’s absolutely ridiculous!

Its been 10 months and he should have absolutely no say on what happens in your home or with your children.

The fact that his mum is involved is absolutely bizarre!

The relationship is over.
There should be no discussion or second chances.

Its actually quite scary how after 10 months he thinks he has some sort of dominance over you, your kids and your home.

I think you’ve dodged a massive bullet here OP and although you’re going to feel a bit sad it’s over, I think you should be thankful that he shown his true colours before he moved in properly.

Azerothi · 22/03/2024 07:23

A very unpopular view but I think this is the OP's fault. At a new relationship with a boyfriend of only 10 months living with and inflicted on her children. So bad for these poor children.

A bit confusing when you say he isn't a live in boyfriend when he is just that. Unless he doesn't live with you in which case more shame on you.

itsgettingweird · 22/03/2024 07:24

You did the right thing.

Don't have him back.

It's also so nice to read about divorced parents coparenting well and haven't good flexibility. I'm glad you didn't allow a new partner to disrupt that.