Partner turned off (My) wifi and upset my Son - AIBU

[candragonsbepurple]

My partner is childless. I have two children (A son who is eleven and a daughter who is seven)

My ex husband moved to take care of his Dad six months ago but before that we had been divorced two years. Exes Dad has cancer and he's alone (Ex is an only child and his Mum died way before I met him) I'd have moved myself and my children to be nearer to ex so they could see each other but Ex was completely adamant they stay where they are for school and their friends.

One of the ways my children communicate with their Dad is through video games. I dont know how it works but they talk to each other while they play. They do this every sunday for a few hours before tea time. Sunday just gone my son wasn't well but really wanted to play games with his dad. I said that was okay and I'd save him some dinner (I made him some eggs and soldiers)

My partner cut the wifi when my son didn't come to the table. His reasoning was my son was being disobedient but I'd told him three times that DS wasn't feeling a hundred percent and I don't force my kids to eat big meals when they are unwell. My son was understandably distraught thinking his Dad had ended the game without saying goodbye and my partner kicked off.

He started ranting and raving how under HIS roof my son should have more respect. I reminded partner that we live in 2024, not 1924 and the house I owned was mine that my Mother left to me.

I ended up kicking my partner out - He went home in a huff and now I'm being put in the middle by partner's Mum saying that I should teach my children respect.

AIBU in thinking it's not my partner's place to parent my children - he's not a live-in boyfriend, we've been together ten months and that his Mum should keep her nose out

Sorry but I would have died laughing then pulled myself together whilst ushering him out of my life in a bemused fashion. Bless.

He’s horrible, don’t put up with it.

I think the fact you’ve had a call from his mother (🙄) would mean they have a very strong relationship. That in itself can cause problems if she feels she is part of your relationship. Worse still if her son shares that view.

I’m assuming he’s living with her. (If he’s not - even more weird she ringing to give you un-solicited advice and leaping to her adult son’s defence!)

If he/she starts getting nasty with you you can always throw in something along the lines of - when you need advice on how to raise your kids by a childless (however old) who still lives with his mother you’ll let them know.

What has probably happened is he’s mentioned your kids and told her it annoys him when x, y and z - she’s put in her ‘input’ and told him to assert his authority so he’s had the added pressure or his mother dictating how he acts towards your kids. The one thing of course they’re forgetting is they are your kids and it is your house.

Yeesh can you imagine him always involving his mum in arguments and life decisions? She’d probably become a permanent fixture in spirit if not in presence- he may expect her to move in as she gets older and IT’S HIS HOUSE TOO! 😱😱😱😱 yeah think on that if you’re wavering OP. As someone else said you’re so lucky he’s done this relatively early on! Never let him or his mum darken your door or phone line again!

Not necessarily and not his problem anyway

Well done choosing your son over this man. Your relationship with your son and his well being will always be better for it, even if he doesn’t remember this episode. As others have said, this is the tip of the iceberg and only the beginning of this man’s controlling behaviour. He also let his truly let his colours show when he referred to your family home (from your mother no less!!) as HIS house!

Well done. You should feel proud of yourself for how you handled this.

Yes I have. Man unilaterally decides to punish a child who's not his own, overrides the mother, and claims it's his house and he's in charge.

I lived with an abusive stepfather and it started just like this.

FO with your 'good grief.'

tell the pair of them to jog on an LTB. Your poor son :(

Raise the bar for yourself and your children! 10 months in I would only be thinking of introducing to kids, never mind tolerating this attitude- he would be an ex by now!

You’re telling the OP to leave and get out. If you’d actually read the post properly you would be aware that it’s her house. No need to get rude and defensive

Which is also contact with his dad.

Hope he enjoys living with his Mummy forever.
please don’t entertain letting him back in to your lives.

Have a different opinion.

This is why kids are so poorly disciplined these days & it was a proportionate response to a child refusing to come to the dining table.

When I was a child we weren't forced to eat, but you would come to join the family at the dining table out of respect for the effort that had gone into making the meal and also that was the only family time of the day.

In this scenario what is the appropriate discipline method?

So many badly behaved children but with separated parents and a step parent who isn't allowed to discipline them, and then a primary care giver (often mum) who lets the kids do what they want and panders to them!

LOL, you got shown up so now you're trying to say you meant something different. You know leave doesn't necessarily mean physically leave the house and that's not what you were originally trying to say anyway.

How is it in your kids best interests to have some bloke you've been dating for a few months moved in to their home?
Do better. No need to inflict this specimen on them again.

This particular man sounds like a waste of time truthfully and can women STOP MOVING MEN IN AFTER 10 MONTHS!!! Ridiculous,

But the above point applies about poor boundaries and discipline I see due to weak parenting frankly...

@Whatevershallidowithmylife I bet he wasn't trying to contact his dad at that exact point - like many kids his age, he just couldn't be bothered to come to the dining table!!

This is a young lad that is missing his dad, as dad moved away to provide care for a ill grandfather. I think messaging and sharing game time with his dad is understandable. I don't think this is the time to be all "rules are rules", some understanding and comfort are needed here, not his mother's boyfriend going all silverback gorilla. This lad is probably a bit scared about the changes in his life, dad has moved away and grandfather is unwell I think it's understandable that he's not himself and upset.

@ladykale this man is not a step parent, he has clearly been moved in after less than ten months of dating, which is appalling, and no discipline is needed. The kid was ill, it was egg and toast, no big deal, and he was having contact with his father.

It’s actually comical isn’t it. “My roof”. 😆

You did the right thing OP and thank GOD! your partner doesn’t own the home eh?

Respect is important, but the child was unwell and I wouldn’t force a child to eat food if sick either. I’d encourage them and ask if there’s anything they fancy, but leave them to it. Leave them quiet and let them recover. If your child was busy playing with their dad, that’s for you and the dad to monitor. Billy big balls needs to keep his snout out.

How do you know what I was trying to say when I literally just asked if you’d read the thread properly? I’m not the one getting defensive and making childish assumptions, you are.

@ladykale it says his in the OP that the new boyfriend cutting off OPs WiFi meant the child was upset thinking his father had left without saying goodbye. Did you not read the OP? You've written a lot of incorrect stuff.

Thank god you did kick him out! Tell his mother to fuck off and prioritise your kids - disgrace of a man.

During lockdown my kids had to isolate with their mum for a few months. We did online gaming every night as a way to stay connected. It must be horrible for both your son and his dad to be apart and that connection, social activity, and chat is really valuable to them both.

mine still refer fondly to those games and sessions.

your current partner is an arse

He sounds horrible and you're right.

So after 10 months your boyfriend and his mummy think they have the right to tell you how to raise your kids

Another take on this.....my stepfather controlled every phone call and contact with my dad