Partner turned off (My) wifi and upset my Son - AIBU

[candragonsbepurple]

My partner is childless. I have two children (A son who is eleven and a daughter who is seven)

My ex husband moved to take care of his Dad six months ago but before that we had been divorced two years. Exes Dad has cancer and he's alone (Ex is an only child and his Mum died way before I met him) I'd have moved myself and my children to be nearer to ex so they could see each other but Ex was completely adamant they stay where they are for school and their friends.

One of the ways my children communicate with their Dad is through video games. I dont know how it works but they talk to each other while they play. They do this every sunday for a few hours before tea time. Sunday just gone my son wasn't well but really wanted to play games with his dad. I said that was okay and I'd save him some dinner (I made him some eggs and soldiers)

My partner cut the wifi when my son didn't come to the table. His reasoning was my son was being disobedient but I'd told him three times that DS wasn't feeling a hundred percent and I don't force my kids to eat big meals when they are unwell. My son was understandably distraught thinking his Dad had ended the game without saying goodbye and my partner kicked off.

He started ranting and raving how under HIS roof my son should have more respect. I reminded partner that we live in 2024, not 1924 and the house I owned was mine that my Mother left to me.

I ended up kicking my partner out - He went home in a huff and now I'm being put in the middle by partner's Mum saying that I should teach my children respect.

AIBU in thinking it's not my partner's place to parent my children - he's not a live-in boyfriend, we've been together ten months and that his Mum should keep her nose out

Well done op you will never regret kicking this knobhead out. They usually wait a bit longer to show their true colours so you are lucky in a way. Stay strong.

It would be goodbye to the boyfriend (and the potential future MIL) for me.

Agree with what everyone else says.

Cut all contact.

This signposts how he would behave if he DID move In permanently and how he would treat you and your children. If he’s doing this kind of thing 10mths in when he’s staying on a casual basis imagine what his narcissistic attitude would be in the future. The discipline he’d be drilling into your children - and you! He would be dictating everything you do and making the rule book to suit his warped patriarchal role- just no!

So not only is your boyfriend of a few months MASSIVELY overstepping, so is his bloody mother

good that you’ve kicked him out, keep him gone and block his mother from everything

who the actual unmitigated fuck do these idiots think they are?

DO NOT INFLICT SUCH POISONOUS PEOPLE ON YOUR KIDS EVER AGAIN @candragonsbepurple

Thats so bizzare. He is so boldly controlling something that isnt his to control. Hopefully this is the end of your relationship.

You made the right call

A mamma's boy whose mother will medle.in his relationship. Using "under his roof" is bs in general but doing that in a house ehe doesn't own or even live in. 10 months in and thinks he has a say. Time to get rid.

Please do not put this man before your children, which you will be doing if you stay with him. Tell him today that he’s no business parenting your children or controlling your wifi. Please notice this huge red flag flapping in front of your face.

Not read the thread but, why the fuck did he do this? So sad.

Has he apologised? Is there a back story?

This man would never step foot in my house again. He and his mum can go swivel.

He's overstepped the bounds of his authority but I can see where he's coming from. One should be inclined to suspect that an 11-year-old who is too poorly to join the family for dinner but well enough to play social videogames may be trying it on.

This would be such a HUGE red flag and trigger for me if anyone did that in my house, its a trick my very abusive ExH used to pull when he'd decided it was time for me to go to bed, He used to come downstairs with a face like thunder, switch it off at the wall and demand i get off my computer and go to bed, it never worked btw, and he'd be told to fuck off, but it pisses me off SO much.

Make this tosspot an Ex quick sharp and don't look back.

LTB. Your son will end up abused. Who the fuck is this man thinking he's in charge of your child over and above you as a mother? This will escalate. You already see you have no backup in MIL. For your son's sake you have to leave.

Controlling twat. This is so wrong I don’t know where to begin. Don’t let him back in OP.

I think the main problem was that he did not feel hungry enough to eat a main meal, and the OP had put something aside for him to eat later. A social videogames session with his Dad was a nice distraction from him feeling ill. That's how I read the original post anyway.

You mess with my wi-fi, you take your life in your hands. You mess with my sick kid, you're REALLY in trouble.

In his mother's defence, I dare say she didn't get an accurate account of the event from her son, and is standing up for him because even though he's no longer a child he will always be her child. However, I don't see how that translates into her deciding to contact the girlfriend to criticise her parenting! That's weird stuff. I've got 4 adult sons so I've listened to more than a few relationship issues over the years, always prepared to give sympathy, advice and if called for a bit of tough love. But contacting the girlfriend directly is way beyond the job description.

OP, you did right. Don't let anyone tell you different. Having household rules is important, of course, but it's a harsh parent who isn't prepared to relax them in certain circumstances. That in itself can be a useful life lesson.

Please tell us you’re not staying with this man? He should be nowhere near your children, what an abusive bastard.

This!

Why on earth has a strange man of a mere few month’s meeting so involved in a child’s life when he isn’t their father.

Get rid.

He was playing the game with his dad wasn’t he? It makes no difference, that man is a nobody to the child and has as much right to dictate to him as I have.

He and his mother are wearing massive red flags around them and should be permanently kicked to the kerb.

I have not read the full thread but hopefully this man will be out of your life. I would worry how he would behave around my children if I wasn’t there. Children should in my opinion always come first. He doesn’t get to dictate. Your house, your rules. Tell his mother to do one too. They have shown you who they are, now get rid pronto!

Under my roof???
OP get rid of him NOW.

Have you actually read any of the post? Good grief

Out he goes and out he stays.

And in the future, don't move men in when you barely know them. For one thing, you're a magnet for cocklodger types anyway because you own your own home. They fall in love fast, get their feet under the table, contribute very little and then start laying down the law.
And secondly, it's your children's home and they shouldn't be having to share it with someone they don't know. There's no need for a "partner" of 10 months or even 2 or 3 years to be moving in to your children's home and causing instability. You can have a fulfilling relationship with someone without that. And if, over several years, it goes well and he turns out to be a decent bloke and the children get on well with him, you could consider living together.
Not with this asshole though - definitely not with him, ever!

What a controlling dick. I feel very sorry for your children and I hope you've made the right decision of apologising to them for having brought that idiot into their lives

Partner's Mum saying that I should teach my children respect.

I would be inclined to ask why she never taught her son respect, Who goes into someone else's home and berates someone else's children? How is that respectful? You have dodged a giant bullet there OP, imagine how much worse he would be if he lived in your home, or god forbid how he would treat your children if you have a child together?