Partner turned off (My) wifi and upset my Son - AIBU

[candragonsbepurple]

My partner is childless. I have two children (A son who is eleven and a daughter who is seven)

My ex husband moved to take care of his Dad six months ago but before that we had been divorced two years. Exes Dad has cancer and he's alone (Ex is an only child and his Mum died way before I met him) I'd have moved myself and my children to be nearer to ex so they could see each other but Ex was completely adamant they stay where they are for school and their friends.

One of the ways my children communicate with their Dad is through video games. I dont know how it works but they talk to each other while they play. They do this every sunday for a few hours before tea time. Sunday just gone my son wasn't well but really wanted to play games with his dad. I said that was okay and I'd save him some dinner (I made him some eggs and soldiers)

My partner cut the wifi when my son didn't come to the table. His reasoning was my son was being disobedient but I'd told him three times that DS wasn't feeling a hundred percent and I don't force my kids to eat big meals when they are unwell. My son was understandably distraught thinking his Dad had ended the game without saying goodbye and my partner kicked off.

He started ranting and raving how under HIS roof my son should have more respect. I reminded partner that we live in 2024, not 1924 and the house I owned was mine that my Mother left to me.

I ended up kicking my partner out - He went home in a huff and now I'm being put in the middle by partner's Mum saying that I should teach my children respect.

AIBU in thinking it's not my partner's place to parent my children - he's not a live-in boyfriend, we've been together ten months and that his Mum should keep her nose out

Puts her child first before a man? When the guy is staying over and hanging out with her kids after 10 months? Yeah… great parenting.

The mother doesn't want him either so she's trying to clear the path back

Your first mistake was allowing a stranger into your home. 10 months?? I've known my window cleaner longer and I wouldn't let him move in with me!
You're second mistake is allowing your partner to berate your unwell child and turn off the WiFi in YOUR HOUSE.
Please don't make a third mistake of allowing this bellend of a mummy's boy back into YOUR home.
NEVER CHOOSE A MAN OVER YOUR CHILDREN.

Block the mum , block the partner and put the kettle one .

problem solved

Nah. Please don't have him back. That is abusive. It's one thing to kick off but it's another to feel entitled to implement a punitive totalitarian regime. He clearly has no experience with kids. I've experienced this type. It isn't going to get better and it'll wear you down. Also his Mother! I wouldn't accept her into my life. Please don't. I know it's hard but get organised and find yourself someone nice.

Edit. Assumed you telling him to leave was temporary. Rereading it looks like you actually ended the relationship. Good for you.

He is an abusive bully.

He had no right and should never ever have interfered in communication between your child and his Dad.

’His’ roof?

How dare he go on about respect when he shows you none at all?

He (and his mother) have shown their abusive toxic colours. It would only get worse.

His need to be top dog, alpha male: dominate your son and separating him from his Dad:: I bet he felt competitive and territorial because another male (your ex) was present via the WiFi - that’s why he cut them off.

He wants to dominate and control you and kicks off when he meets resistance.

Nasty red flags.

He wasn’t moved in with her - she clearly says he’s not a live in boyfriend and as a result of the incident she reminded him whose house it was and kicked him out - he went home and complained to his mummy !

I don’t believe they live together as it says he went back home.

But I agree that things have moved way too fast.

This behaviour wouldn’t have come from no where and he felt way too comfortable acting in such a way.

He is the guest but he feels like the one in charge.

I wouldn’t say it’s OPs fault but she’s definitely rushed things and I bet there have been a lot of instances where she’s not put her boundaries in place or he’s pushed them and she’s let it slide.

The fact that his mother contacted you to defend her son and comment on your parenting should be enough reason to end the relationship. Who wants to be dealing with a middle aged mama’s boy who throws temper tantrums like a toddler? Life is too short.

Dear god I hope you never let him back. What a twat and his mother too.

can't agree with this, letting a man you barely know stay over when you've got young kids is not putting them first

Yep

She didn’t - she clearly says he is not a live in boyfriend.

Under 'his' roof? He is showing you who he is. I hope for the sake of your children you pay attention to that.

Where does it say he was staying over ? It was dinner on Sunday - doesn’t mean he stays.

He's a dick
I am a stepmother and my husband and DSS's used to communicate through gaming too. He loved it!
Also, you're his mother, if you know your child is not well and you've acted appropriately (which you do) that should have been enough.

As others have said, no, you were in the right. To those unhappy with OP having the guy stay over in the first place, it feels a little unrealistic. Of course he's going to be a charmer when it's just him and her, how is she supposed to know what a douche he is when it's just the 2 of the and the first flush!

I'm pleased for people that can smell out a wrong un at 1000 paces, but the rest of us mere mortals need to see actual behaviour before we make up our minds about people.

Better to do that early on before she wastes too much of her life on him.

That said, he's now shown you who he is, believe him :-)

What a twat. It's not even his WiFi!
Get rid! Your kids most probably hate him and will never what to live with him.

just wanted to chip in and say well done for the way you handled it and stood up for your son . It’s not easy when you are caught between but you obviously have your priorities right and are a good mum

I do hope not.

My stepdad came into my life after a short time (he was a lodger in my DM’s house), he disciplined us without DM knowing and years later lied about that, loves control and of course after years he gets on with most of the family including me. But he’s certainly not easy.

I do know with DM and her own parents (divorce, living apart from her DM) there are reasons why she goes to men with issues, but no way she’d admit this.

Let’s hope OP grows a pair and ends it with this loser.

Hope you've not let him back in op
10 months in a boyfriend should not be thinking he has the power to treat your children like that full stop as for under his roof what a twat!!

ah well, ten months in isn't serious, you can get rid of him and things will be back to normal quite soon.

OP, he's a complete cock. It's NOT 'his' house (even if you shared joint ownership that wouldn't be the case, and if it were wholly his ownership then he'd be a dick to try to exploit your vulnerability like that. Nice people don't do that). It's not his kid. It's none of his business to try and enforce your son's contact with his dad, or even his gaming. It's a bit much to be coming the pater familias on 10 months' standing when he doesn't even live in!

Please just change the locks and move on.

Firstly, well done sticking up for your son. You’d given him permission and that sounded completely reasonable.
Poor boy thinking his dad had just disconnected when really it was this awful man. Hope he gets to catch up with dad again soon.

Secondly, HIS roof?! The absolute audacity.

Thirdly, his mum can stick her opinion where the sun doesn’t shine.

Finally, you’ve left him, right? Right?!

You said it well. It’s not your partner’s place to parent your children. End of