To dislike men who seek out foreign brides

[Hartley99]

There are quite a few documentaries about this on YouTube. The guy is usually ugly or boring or nerdy (usually all three). He claims to be ‘looking for love,’ when in reality, of course, he’s looking for a sexual partner. So he goes online and searches for girls in poor countries - often Thailand or Russia. In almost every case the girl is younger and/or much more attractive than him.

Recently, there was a documentary on channel 4, and I ended up having an argument with someone at work about it. They thought the whole thing was ‘sweet’ and funny and couldn’t see anything wrong. To them it made sense. The guy got to have sex with a girl out of his league, and the girl got to move to a richer country with more opportunities. To me it just seemed revolting. However you spin it, they are taking advantage of her poverty. They know that she wouldn’t look twice at them in any other circumstance. Apparently, after the invasion of Ukraine there was a massive spike in men looking for Ukrainian brides online. I mean that says it all. Or am I being uptight and judgemental?

I wasn’t taken advantage of. Yes some women are taken advantage of by abusive men, but with 3 British women being killed by their British man every week, I don’t think you have the high ground here to claim that it’s men marrying foreign women that are the problem.

Well, everyone who marries does so intentionally otherwise it is a forced marriage. You have no proof that any men intend to marry only a foreign woman.

There was a lovely website linked earlier in the thread, you can shop around for a bride of any age, from any country. But sure, no proof. None at all.

So if it’s a website within the U.K., it’s for dating women but if it’s a website outside the U.K., it is shopping for a woman. You disgust me in how you view foreign women as merchandise. I thought that sort of viewpoint regarding foreign women died out with the slave trade.

I hardly think it's me who views them as merchandise.

@KestrelMoon unless he found you on a website that advertised your beauty, traditionalism, willingness to provide sex and serve his needs, paid the fee, flew over to meet you and then took you to his country where you got married, then no, this discussion is not about you.

Stop making it about you.

Where there is a market and buyers, like anything, yes this exists. With young females desperate to get out of their environments and rich men offering them to do this, unfortunately this happens. There are so many injustices in this world which the rich can take advantage of. Sad but true. Xx

Those stats don't really support much of anything though, do they? 92% of uk women have NOT chosen to be with a man even ten years older, never mind 20-30 years older; which is surely the more pertinent take away if we're looking at the likelihood that young women with choices would marry these men.

As to your first question, if a 20 something impoverished woman from the UK married an elderly aristocrat, then absolutely the same principles would apply, as the man would also be offering financial benefit in exchange for sex with a young woman who wouldn't consider him if he lived in a flat on state retirement pension.

When the woman is from abroad the exploitation is arguably greater, because her choices are fewer, and the men know this, and for that reason their offer to her can be of less value than that of the aristocrat. Which is why Clive the rather creepy retired bus driver with a semi in Wolverhampton and a youth fetish can marry a 20 year old from Thailand but not attract a 20, 30, or even 40/50+ year old woman from the UK.

The stats alone only prove that it is quite common in the U.K. for the man to be older than the woman in a heterosexual marriage. In 1 in 3 marriages, the man is more than 4 years older than the woman. Do you have any proof that this rate is oh so much higher in heterosexual relationships between British men and foreign women? Because that is what you are saying, without any proof whatsoever.

I am not convinced that the man is “buying sex” because you don’t need marriage to buy sex. It doesn’t explain why they marry. I disagree that the woman is selling sex or would never consider an older man if he were not rich, women are not all shallow gold diggers. Do you have any kind of survey results indicating from these couples that your reason- buying and selling sex- is why they are marrying?

“Which is why Clive the rather creepy retired bus driver with a semi in Wolverhampton and a youth fetish can marry a 20 year old from Thailand but not attract a 20, 30, or even 40/50+ year old woman from the UK.”

Any sort of evidence as to the usual occupation of British men who marry foreign women being bus drivers? Here I was thinking it is most common amongst highly paid expats, foreign service and the military.

You do realise this thread is not about all marriages to foreigners? Did you actually read the OP?

Certainly not just bus drivers - men from all walks joke about buying women from poor countries.

We're not talking about gaps of 4 years though, are we? The men the OP invited us to discuss are 20 even 30 years older than the women. I have no idea what the typical gap is between men from the UK and women from outside of the UK who are in relationships, because that much broader demographic is not the subject of the thread; which is specifically older British men who deliberately seek much younger women from abroad.
I don't have a survey to show that sex is not what the men are after or that beautiful 20 year olds aren't attracted to men in their 60s, no. I took the liberty of taking a wild stab in the dark.

It's about mail order brides, not all marriages to foreign nationals. Jesus.

Neighbour mids 60s her 35. Truck driver, living in a rented property with Thai wife.
Work colleague, female Filipino married to a bus driver. Similar age difference.Again living in rented accommodation.
I believe it’s popular amongst truck drivers, due to their unsocial work hours.

Never something I’d paid any thought to until my neighbour arrived with his new young wife. Since then I have noticed a lot of similar couplings in my neighbourhood, none of them at a guess being highly paid expats, or foreign service.

Im currently dealing with this with my brother and I am sick.
his marriage failed few years back largely cos of his porn addiction.
He went to therapy for a while but then disengaged. I think he don’t like the look of the dark corners so just decided to lean into it instead.
He moved in with my parents, didn’t pay a beam of rent for 2 years then went on holiday to Thailand a couple of times.
then earlier this year he moved there To Pattaya!. Now he has announced he has moved some “girlfriend” in. She is 37, has 2 kids aged 13 and 6 who of course live with grandparents in some piss poor back water.
He said he likes her but “she is pressuring him to marry her”
Am I in the fucking twilight zone? Surely he isn’t this dumb? He must know how it works right?
i said I didn’t want anything to do with the whole grubby thing.
He says I am too “conservative”!?!
He has moved to a country where women serve men. Ignore their own needs. Still have dowries. Expect men to take care of the women and relationships are quite literally transactional, yet he thinks I am conservative for thinking this is morally wrong.
The world is arseways if my view is conservative,
He couldn’t hack women from
western cultures who have power, the ability to articulate their needs, earn their own money(without selling sex) and might not laugh at his shit jokes or his pee pee not working. So he has gone for the easy option. A sham. An illusion. Real life porn.

I told him I want nothing to do with it as I don’t want my kids seeing this exploitation based, fucked up farce.
Am I being too harsh?!
At this stage I actually hope she fleeces him. I’m just so glad he never procreated.
Sorry. I just really need to rant.
I can’t lay it on
my folks. They are devastated.

Is it not the case that plenty of women in this country marry men who may not be attractive to them because they offer

Companionship
Financial security
Friendship
Opportunities in life
etc etc etc

I fail to see the difference of someone from this country marrying someone for the above reasons and someone from abroad doing the same. Is one more honest than the other? Is it more seedy for a man to go abroad and be honest about looking for a bride than a man in the UK who is much older or not very handsome attracting a younger, hot wife because he has a big house, flash car and lots of money?

Pot calling kettle black for me.

Both of those men would be gross and predatory. You don't have to pick one, multiple men can be seedy.

Are there less people looking for mail order brides than previously though? I haven't heard of many 30 to 50 years olds doing it. Because of cost of living problems, I think men are prioritising women who can work outside the home more. And are less keen on marrying women who don't bring money. Practically it's much harder to be a single earner responsible for a family. It can lead to a better lifestyle if the two of you work.

I think it’s different because of the lack of opportunity in these countries.
it’s the powerful taking advantage of those who are impoverished.
The girls are sent from the village in order to make money for the family with the only asset that she has - her body.
These men (my brother🤢) take advantage of this or delude themselves into thinking it’s something else.
The things you compare are quite different.
women in western countries have opportunities. Women in other countries do not.

I am Eastern European who despite a degree had no prospects of financial success in my own country, a single mother too. Married a Brit partly to get out, partly because men were not interested in my own country in a single mother of moderate means. Was young and pretty.

The Brit turned abusive within a couple of years, and I was back to square one in the UK, alone with my kid, no family and degree that counts for nothing. Done OK in the end, this was 20 years ago. No point to this story - just saying it works out in different ways. He is onto wife 4 now after me and the Russian, the latest one is Mexican. Ola, amigos!

I don’t judge the women.
I reserve it for the men.
Or those who ignore the exploitation element. Claiming it’s harmless.

Not really because the chance of the female raping or killing the male is low/zero. It is also far less common than the male sex tourists who are very likely to be looking for underage girls.

I mentioned this thread to a friend a while ago. He said he knows three 'Thai brides'. One married to a police officer, another to an IT project manager and the third to an estate agent.

He said they're all lovely ladies and appear to be very happy living in the UK. 🤷‍♀️

@SmelliEllie For you and your parents to judge your brother's partner as little more than a prostitute and to be 'devastated' by their relationship seems pretty racist.

I’ll live with that. I know him. I’ve seen the light drain from his eyes as he has succumbed first to porn addiction and then when that wasn’t enough any longer, paying for it.
I dont think badly of her. She is just trying to provide for herself and her family. It’s not prostitution exactly. But it is a financial transaction.
Worse still is he is fucking her about. He won’t marry her. He will just move on to the next one.
I fail to see how any of this is racist but it is the insult of choice these days.