to be amazed at how single parents cope

[FunnysInLaJardin]

DH has been away for 4 days and I have been looking after the DC on my own. They are 14 and 18 and great and really helpful, but it has been so much harder on my own!

I work FT and they are at school, so out of the house most of the time, but DS1 is off to uni in September and so school work is pressing, DS2 is starting GCSE's in September and so the same.

Nothing extra special or drastic, just honestly hats off to those who do this day in day out

I have answered. Assume you have no relationship with your parents due to their neglect of you at 18 yo? Your silence on that question would lead me to assume that is the case?

No, live where you want but don't moan about how hard it is if it's something you've chosen to do.

I hope you never complain about your job, your partner, your friends or your children if that's how you feel!

I wouldn't complain about something that I chose, no. If I don't like something in my life, I change it.

Wow, that's incredible!

Most people don't just change, for example, their job or their partner after one bad day. They just have a bit of a moan too their friends and then get on with it.

Haven’t read the thread but just absolutely howling that the OP thinks looking after 2 older teenagers for a few days was tough.

my DH moved abroad when I had a 2 yo with SEN, and a 2 week newborn baby, after a traumatic birth, with no family help. And I know others will have had similar / worse!

She said it was harder on her own.
I'm sorry it was so hard for you.

That wasn’t her intention at all - I’ve had similar thoughts when my DH is away and I also totally understand there is a lot more to single parenting (financially, mentally etc.). Everyone is so sensitive!!!

This is a joke post surely? Those Children are practically grown a*s adults.

Everyone who is amazed at how single parents cope. instead of giving us a clap or taking your hat off to us use your vote at the next election and vote out the tories who are trying to make our lives harder with increased stigma and the universal credit regime which punishes those trying to get ahead beyond their station.

Agree with previous posters. Money is the biggest worry, and not having any emotional support. Is that rash OK? Should I call a doctor? How do I navigate my tweens moods with nobody to break the ice between us? It's tough, but rewarding too and better than being in a relationship that isn't working. I think we're all much happier now.

I think the same. My children are alot younger, 3.5 and 11 weeks but even when we just had the one I sometimes struggled if he was having a particularly tantrumy day. Having that other person means they can step in when I'm near the end of my tether etc, luckily my 3.5yo goes to pre school every morning, I don't think I would cope with both all day everyday.

But hats off to the single parents that do it all with little to no help, I don't know how you do it, your super heroes, and people won't ever appreciate how hard it is till they have their own kids!

?!!! That is shocking!! You haven’t been alone with your children for more than 4 days? Ever? Wtf! In nearly 20 years your husband has never had to go away with work, or with friends, or to see parents?

Tbh it sounds like you’ve had a bizarrely easy time of parenting OP! My DH goes away a fairly standard amount, maybe 4 times a year, and also doesn’t get home till 10pm most evenings so I’m constantly juggling 4 children’s dinner, extra curricular, dr appts, school admin, hobbies, homework… it’s tiring yes, but it’s absolutely nothing like being a single parent. The financial burden is totally shared and I have someone to offload and discuss the kids with every evening. And really, that’s the crux of parenting. Driving them to football and making sure spellings are done is just the boring faffy crap that just gets done.

yes, we are amazing
we cope beause we have too!! pisses me right off when people comment "im like a single parent because my husband was away for a few days/works away etc"

no, two wages coming in is nothing like what we do! one wage, all the worries and all the shit

we are amazing. hope that helps

Ouch, some work away and are still fab 👏

Hello, I read the first page and that was enough, some of these commenters are idiots.

As an exhausted, single parent who has been doing it alone for nearly ten years, THANK YOU for acknowledging the challenge that it can be!

I do not believe that you are being patronising at all, I think you noticed you privilege and checked it and for that I am grateful.

That being said, I think there are many who have it worse than my level of privilege but I do not believe that it needs to be a competition. I don't work full time so I'm not sure how you are upright so well done for managing that too!! Have a lovely weekend x

Well the 18 year old should be totally independent now . How in earth are they going to cope away at uni jf they still need mothering. And the 14 year old should be able to cook , clean and do their own laundry by now. Having to parent alone for a few days for grown children is easy and in no way gives you any idea what being a single parent is like

I’m a solo mum (have sole custody of my twins & have done since day one - they’re now 9) and I didn’t feel your comment was patronising. I actually love being a solo parent (everything is under my jurisdiction essentially- my kids get one message and one message only Our bond is also super lovely). I also work full time and it is intense, no doubt. I like it though when people realise that it’s hard work! I agree with a pp who said the money is tough and it’s sometimes tough when the decision is solely on me (but I can and do ask my mum, my sister, my brother and my friends if I feel the need). Ignore the haters! Xx

I'm a solo parent and have been since day 1.
Its really REALLY fucking hard. Not just the day to day but the finances, the small home, the sacrifices and the pressure... God, the CONSTANT overwhelming pressure of being the only person responsible for a dependant little child. Every birthday, every illness, every nightmare, every serious medical decision.
And the worst thing is that there's no break. There's no one to take over for 5 minutes when you're getting overwhelmed, you don't get to stay in bed when you're poorly, you don't get to go out and socialise in the evenings to let your hair down. Your life is absolutely about nothing other than your children.

Maybe it was patronising, but I also just appreciate it when I see someone acknowledging how bloody tough it is to parent alone. I don't care how its said, I'll take it! 😂

Being a single parent was waaaay easier than relying on someone who didn’t wanna be there!

Give the OP a break ffs. Yeah it’s not the same as full time single parenting but she was actually trying to be nice.
single parent here for 7 years. Two kids in primary school and it’s been tough. Just the relentlessness of it all tbh. Very very few breaks as their dad is dead ( we spilt a long whole before he died). Everything falls to me, every single decision, every appointment needed, just every single thing is on me. I actually love being single but that’s mainly because I was in such an awful relationship with their man child dad. It’s tough but I’d do it all again because my kids are worth it.

Lol 14 and 18 aren't tough ages. They are mostly independent. Try having a baby, toddler, young child as a single parent. Now that's fun and games 🤣

SP from day 1 here, I have no problem with what OP said. If one more person understands and sympathises with some of the challenges SPs face, then that’s got to be a good thing,

I'd love to see a study on older adolescents and young adults that were heavily parented and their later success in life and those that weren't.
I'll bet those that had active parents are wildly more successful.

Op you're right to parent your 18 year old and keep doing so for many years to come for a successful well adjusted adulthood.