…to not want The Biter in my son’s nursery class?

[sellotape12]

My 2 year old has been in baby room since he was 12 months with a boisterous kid who’s prone to biting. He also pushes and snatches, which I know they all do… but my kid and this kid seem to wind each other up. When DS sees him in the playground he mimics the shouting and pushing.

DS recently moved up to the toddler room and seems so much happier. He’s doing sweet little things and being kind. The nursery has two toddler rooms, Green and Blue and DS is in Blue. A few weeks ago we politely and discreetly asked the nursery if there’s any way the other child might go into the Green room when he’s ready.

We just found out the biter will be going into Blue room too. I appreciate he’s just an innocent toddler and they’re all as bad as each other to some extent but I also feel a bit sad that he’s going to bring out the worst in my son! Am I awful?
AIBU to want my son and a boisterous biting toddler to be in separate classes at nursery?

'The Biter'. What a dreadful thing to call a child OP

Shitty way to describe a kid, especially when it seems yours is just as bad but just mimics (apparently) 🤔

Have you shared your concerns and asked how they will keep him safe whilst in their care? Bites can be so painful.

Why don't you ask for your son to be moved to the other room?

but I also feel a bit sad that he’s going to bring out the worst in my son!

Have you ever considered that perhaps it’s your son that brings out the worst in him?

Hes 2.

youre going to find the nursery and school years long and disappointing if you try and control which class other children should be in

There will probably be a hitter, kicker or biter in the other class too.

The ‘biter’? Nice.

Perhaps you should move your child to a different school. Or home educate him, then you can have total control all of the people he will ever meet.

He’s a toddler, he’ll likely just outgrow that phase. Someone has to be in his class, no reason it shouldn’t be your child - who says your son doesn’t bring out the worst in him or that he hasn’t been better behaved since your child moved up?

By all means bring up issues about your own child as they arise, but premptively trying to dictate your child’s classmates and labelling a child little more than a baby as “The Biter” (with capitals) is obnoxious.

Yes, YABU.

Or another nursery. OP has a point but using the term , "bitter" not good IMO

It is a very normal phase unfortunately. The nursery really should not have shared who was responsible. My ds went through a stage of biting, it’s horrible but they do come through it.

If the other child specifically targets your child, they should be separated. We have dealt with this and the school was immediately on top of it before we even needed to ask.

if the situation is more equal, it’s much trickier. It may be that having two boisterous children in the same classroom is easier from a classroom management standpoint. They can assign a teacher to be in charge of tracking both children and keeping them out of trouble whereas splitting them would require two teachers for the task.

you also need to remember that at the age of your son, children develop and change quickly. The child may have outgrown the behavior by the time he reaches the new room.

I would start by talking to the school about your concerns and asking how they are going to prevent incidents going forward. You may find that everything is fine. In the meantime, start researching alternative programs in case you need to move your child to a new school.

but my kid and this kid seem to wind each other up

You should have emphasised this part! Why are you acting like the "biter" is some kind of devil spawn while your son is a perfectly innocent child until they are corrupted.

Kids can get into dynamics where they bounce off each other and it's disruptive. Perfectly reasonable to point this out. But bear in mind that the next week it might well be another child triggering the same reaction in your son.

A few weeks ago we politely and discreetly asked the nursery if there’s any way the other child might go into the Green room when he’s ready

I had to read this a few times to make sure I wasn't mis-reading.

I can't believe you did this.

I promise you, you will have a time when your DS is the 'problem'. At some point. All kids have some behavioural challenges, it's part of their development.

And your DS also just has to navigate life with different kids & ways of behaving anyway, even at 2

I mean, you've asked, they've said no so that's that really

Can your son move to the Green Room?

You seem to be blaming this other kid for your kids behaviour

It’s easy to say that the OP is being horrible when it isn’t your child being bitten at nursery.

I don’t know whether it is reasonable to called a child The Biter - it might depend on how often he bites. Got to be honest, I have never encountered a child who bites and I would be unhappy if my child was being bitten. When it did happen, what did the nursery do? I think mine had to do a form for stuff like this.

If it carries on happening, you may need to move nurseries.

I don't think you can ask about another child, it's rather overstepping. Ask if you can move yours and couch it in terms of you don't think the two got on before so is there any way your child can move rooms so they don't wind each other up? Accept it if not though. And "The Biters" mum might be saying the same about your DS!

Biting is a normal stage and phase at that age but its about how they keep your son safe (and vice versa if he is biting others)

What is the green room?

It’s easy to say that the OP is being horrible when it isn’t your child being bitten at nursery.

She doesn't actually say that her DS is being bitten - she says the other child is boisterous & bites & she thinks they wind each other up.

i m surprised the nursery isn’t doing something to stop children biting each other. My child has been to nursery and there has never been any biting. Repeated chomping on another child is quite concerning. I would consider moving your child if it is true that he is being targeted for bites. If of course he bites as well then it’s a different story and you should address that behaviour. I don’t think it’s normal for children to hire others at all. It’s not ‘just a phase’ it’s awful and should be stopped and children should be kindly taught not to do that.

If your son moved first is he older? Perhaps the time apart will mean that the other boy has calmed down a bit already.

There’s nothing to suggest the nursery aren’t trying. I’ve put 6 through nursery and it’s just fluke if you don’t encounter it. Of mine only one never encountered it. Three had very very occasional mentions of it in nursery either them or others. One was bitten often by a child and one went through the biting phase.

Poor child - children don't bite maliciously at 2 years old, he's likely frustrated or struggling to communicate. There's many reasons and you are ready to isolate and label him, as a PP said I'd be asking the nursery how they are managing this with extra monitoring etc. My DD also was a biter and its horrible, I'd be devastated to think she was being avoided.